The World According to an Idiot

I'm an Alexithymiac?

Are you an emotionless monster? A husk of a human being?

Do your friends think you're an alien from the sheer lack of emotion you show? 

Do you feel like you'll never feel true joy and want to cry but you're mentally incapable of feeling sadness?

Well you're in luck because you're probably an Alexithymiac. Alexithymia is a broad term for a mental condition where people show difficulty feeling emotion. Although the term itself is unknown, it's predicted about 1 in 10 people have it. It's typically a second diagnosis in other pre-existing conditions such as depression or autism. Even though it is a second diagnosis that doesn't mean that everyone with depression or autism have trouble showing emotion. 

At this point although it is growing in awareness a lot of it's causes are unknown. It may be from genetics, depression, schizophrenia, trauma, and many more mental disorders. 

Many symptoms may include anger, confusion, low empathy, discomfort, emptiness, difficulty reading faces, lack of affection, and being an epic emo edge lord.

Enough About a Disorder, More About Me

How has this affected my life? Well first of all I would like to say, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible because I haven't even gotten officially diagnosed with Alexithymia. I hate people who self diagnose as much as the next person, and I've become one of them. I will say though, I'm not doing it for attention; it's not like I'm posting a chapter about it online and trying to tell everyone. Also, therapists suck, they only want your money. I had one once and I never will again. (This part was mostly a joke please don't listen to me) In a nutshell, I'm not going to get it diagnosed by a therapist because I have trust issues. It's just another trait of being an epic emo edge lord. 

Because of being an emotionless husk of a human being, I'm an asshole. I can't relate to people or "walk in their shoes" as they say. A perk though, is that when people ask for advice on relationships or anything else I'm able to give them a logical answer. So, there's that, yay. It kind of sucks to be an alien but what can you do about it?

Before I scrounged my limitless intellect (doing a google search) on why I didn't feel emotions I came up with a term for myself. I called myself an "unhappy achiever". Right when I started realizing that I was fucked up in the brain in terms of emotions and shit, I won an Algebra competition. (Just going to sneak in that little detail. Aren't you impressed that I'm so smart? I'm a 1000% epic emo edge lord gene-ass) I did the whole thing where I walked down to get the award surrounded by thunderous applause. I went back to school and my science teacher was like 

"Oh my god my favorite genius child who I favor so much, how do you feel you must be so accomplished." 

And then I was like "thank you I know I'm a genius child, but I'm afraid I feel the same as before."

The "unhappy achiever" term mostly just describes people who feel pressured to succeed so much and when they actually achieve something they feel nothing. It's just a "oh yeah I did that" kind of feeling. They get no happiness or joy from accomplishments they just see it as a necessity to prove their worth.

In Conclusion

I'm a person who self diagnoses, I'm an alien, I'm an emotionless husk, fuck me.