(Taeyang) Spinocerebellar Ataxia

Part 1(The diagnosis)

Taeyang pov

"This is like the 7th time I fallen down this week."I mumbled silently, staring at the band-aid on my elbow where I had a small cut.

Just a few minutes ago,I slipped on the slippery wooden floor of the hotel we were staying in and luckily,I didn't suffer any serious injuries, just a small cut to my elbow.

I somehow got a stye on my right eye before we arrived in Los Angeles so I had to wear a eyepatch to let it heal,I even customized the eyepatch with yellow thread to show my love for the fans.

And just recently,I got my eyebrow and lip pierced before coming to Los Angeles.

Ever since we arrived in Los Angeles, California two days ago for our made world tour concert.I had been falling down often and I also noticed i began walking strangely odd too.

"Youngbae,are you okay?I noticed you have been falling down lately a lot."

My manager asked, clearly concerned

"I think it's best if I take you to the doctor later."

I quickly ran my hand through my messy pink hair before putting a cap on so that no fans will recognize me at the clinic.

I secure a face mask before heading outside to where my manager was.

At the clinic

I was sitting with my manager in the doctor's office waiting for my blood test results to be back

"Alright youngbae,I have just gotten your blood test results back from the lab.

As soon as the doctor speaks,I felt my world has just turned upside down

"I am very sorry to inform you that the disease you are suffering from is called spinocerebellar ataxia,and I have to say I am very concerned."

"What do you mean by concerned?"
I asked nervously shaking,rubbing my arm with a band-aid where the needles was inserted.

"Well this disease will affect your motor functions and soon you won't be able to walk,speak,or ear and considering that your job as a singer,this disease affects the cerebellum of the brain and it causes the neurons there to start disappearing."

"So does that mean I am going to die?
I asked, shaking nervously

"Yes sadly,this disease is often fatal and there is still no cure for it.People with this disease will usually survive 10 to 20 years after the first symptoms appear."

"Has anyone survived this disease even once?"

"Sadly,no one has ever recovered and it is often fatal,the cerebellum will deteriorate till the person suffering from it will no longer be able to walk,speak or even eat,worse case scenario is it will often lead to death even with treatment."

I gulped, thinking about my future,if my disease progresses,how am I going to continue my career as a singer?a lot of thoughts were going through my head.

"Dr kim,what are the options for the treatment? Youngbae has a very busy schedule and I am not sure if we'll have enough time to make the accomodations to have enough time to fit on for treatments.I am afraid that the media would know about youngbae's disease and making the fans worried isn't going to be good." My manager explained.

"I am aware of that,which is why I have prescribed him medication so that the disease won't progress quickly.While undergoing everything,youngbae would need to go to the hospital every few weeks for his treatment.The bad news is that there are complications to this disease."

"What is it?"

"Well, sadly,this disease will worsen as you age.And complications are that you would have depression, dementia,etc."

"Alright doctor,i will make sure that youngbae will do what he needs to do."my manager says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Alright youngbae,I need you to hear me very carefully,I don't want you to overwork yourself while undergoing treatment,I know your job in the entertainment industry is intense but this is essential if you want to continue your job as a singer."The doctor explained, making sure I understand the severity of my disease.

"But what about vocal practice,the concert is going to be in 2 days time."

"That is not the important thing right now,the only thing that is important right now is your health,you wouldn't want the fans to be worried,right."

"I guess so."

"Good,I am going to make the first appointment for treatment on 23rd of May, after that,we will have a discussion on the dates for your treatment fitting for your schedule.Will that work for you?"The doctor asks, staring at both of us.

"Yes that would be alright Dr Kim."My manager replied

"Okay,good.I make sure to have the appointment as soon as possible,now if you excuse me for a moment I need to write up a proscription for youngbae's medications.By looking at the test results,I am going to prescribe him vitamin D supplements so that the disease will slow down it's progress.You'll need to take one tablet each day in order to stop the disease from getting worse.Right now I think we have discussed everything we need so you two are free to go.

"The doctor bids us farewell before leaving his office.Me and the manager left the clinic after that.

In the car back to the hotel

I cannot believe what I just heard,the doctor has to be joking,right?I can't have a degenerative disease,how am I going to continue my career as a singer if my disease progresses,soon I won't be able to walk, speak or even eat.

"you alright back there, youngbae?"My manager asked,as he noticed me nervous in the back seat.

"Oh..yes..I am fine."I tried my best to make up a lie.

"Youngbae,I know you're lying by just looking at your facial expressions,you don't seem like you're okay,just tell me what's going on in your head."He said to me while focusing on the road.

"Oh I don't know,I just don't understand how I even have a degenerative disease,None of my family members even have degenerative disease,how am I going to continue my career as a singer if I can't even speak.And how did I ever had this disease in the first place,why did this disease choose me as it's victim?"

"Well,sometimes things you didn't expect will sometimes happen to you,you just didn't know it till you notice the symptoms."

"I guess,I hope I can still be a singer with my ataxia."

"I am sure we will figure something out."My manager replied, giving me some hope.

"I sure hope so."I stared out at the window.

At the door of the hotel

As soon as I stepped out of the car,I have decided that I would reveal my disease to the fans at the concert in two days time,I am not ready to tell my members my disease.

I laid down on the bed as soon as we reached the hotel room and fell asleep in a few minutes time, exhausted and tired.