BALH 2 OS

Finding Home

Priya sat on the sofa, the hushed voice of her sister and mother warped in her ears. The house felt smaller, quieter, and almost suffocating. Wasn't this the same place where Priya and her sisters laughed and cried over late night ice creams, the same place that felt home when her father walked away, the same place she longed to be back even days after her marriage! She often found this bizarre comfort in the shared memories and familiarity of the place, but somehow it was missing.

"Priya, bacchi, have some tea," Meera said.

Her mother looked worried, almost as if haven't slept for days. When they were children, Meera would spend sleepless nights worrying over husband and Priya used to hold her hand comforted her. She believed it was her way of protecting her mother and made a promise to herself to by Meera's side always.

She held Meera's hand and said, "please don't worry, everything will be alright."

Smell of brownies and cupcakes seeped in the air, Sara was baking for Eshan, the eagerness with which Sara was baking made her think of Ram. Has anyone ever baked him cakes and pastries? His ever smiling at the mention of food made her smile!

"I know, everything will be alright"

Meera's words pulled Priya out of her thoughts and there was a gnawing ache in her chest. Ram's face flickered in her thoughts again, but this time it was the pain in his eyes as he watched her walk away. Everything around her was hollow. The comfort and familiarity of the house washed away. The place seemed unknown, even strange. She felt like a child lost in a crowd, unable to find her way to home.

"I shouldn't have come," Priya said.

"What?" Meera sounded clueless.

"I shouldn't have left Mr Kapoor."

Meera's face drooped a little. She sat next to Priya and stroked her hair. As a child, Priya used to cherish these moments. It was her stress buster, her haven, away from her father, away from all worries in the world—a moment of peace. Ram's words of how he finds comfort in this house rushed back to her, his infectious smile while talking about Meera, the way he allowed himself to be pampered by her mother and her sisters. Was this place his haven, too? Did she rob him off of a place of solace?

"Bacchi, I'll oil your hair," Meera said.

"No, Mr Kapoor is alone" Priya said and as she uttered the words, the gravity of the situation sank in her—her father, her brother-in-law could be the reason of Ram's world being snatched away overnight. All her prayers, all her wishes, all her love, everything would be futile if she didn't return.

*

"Mr Kapoor?" Priya asked hesitantly.

Ram fidgeted with the pillbox, probably waiting for Tarun to bring water. There seemed an unseen tiredness in his face, all past wounds cut open. Priya was unsure of what to say. She sat on the bed. The stained number plate was on the table and her husband's gaze was fixed on it. He leaned against the door, half anxious and half still. Tarun hurried towards him with a glass of water. Ram swallowed the pill and rested his head against the wall.

"Mr Kapoor" Priya took his name like a whisper. She didn't know what to say. She wished she knew how to calm him. Sometimes one would never know what are the right words and she wished she knew them.

"Mr Kapoor, I am sorry," she said gingerly, but loud enough for Ram to hear. He tilted his head and there was a peculiar worry on his face.

"I should have stayed"

"Did mom say anything?" he asked, the worry and concern unchanged.

"No, I will apologize to her too," Priya took a deep breath and hobbled towards him, "mom was not wrong, my family... my family wronged you."

The familiarity and comfort of the room that has been her home for months suddenly shifted. It was as if Priya was standing there for the first time, everything was new and unseen. The air tasted bitter and sweet at the same time. Priya closed her eyes and allowed the uneasiness to storm over her. Priya took a deep breath and the weird smell of perfume and tablets soothed her. In them she found solace, in them she found Ram.

"Mr Kapoor, I want you to know that you matter to me more than anything."

She wiped a tear droplet from the corner of her eye and held Ram's hand and continued, "I will stay away from the investigation. This is your battle, and I will be by your side. Always."

Years ago, she made a similar promise to her mother. It was her way of assuring she won't leave people like her father. She wondered whether her life will be like a pendulum caught between her mother and her husband.

Ram smiled, but his eyes were vacant.

"We'll talk later," he said, a haunting emptiness lingered on his face.

The silence in the room grew louder and louder. Priya tapped her feet and twiddled with the phone. There was a small crack at the edge. She gently scraped the broken edge and smiled to herself. There was one of many gifts that Ram brought her, and she remembered the day vividly. Her chest tightened and there was a knot in her stomach. 'Have I ever thanked him?' she pondered.

Ram climbed onto the bed and adjusted the bed cover. His eyes surveyed the number plate with an uncertain vagueness in them. That Ram might still be skeptical about Priya unsettled her. She wanted to scream, yell, and make him see the world through her eyes. This was a familiar feeling, something that haunted her since childhood. The inexplicable urge to be right and tell how the world wronged her, something her mother had fed into her, something that carried throughout her life, and only in these chaotic thoughts, she found herself.

"Mr Kapoor" she took his name softly.

Ram's eyes darted from the number plate to her. They were empty and the deep sorrow in them that used to gleam with hope and joy at seeing her, was drained away by exhaustion. He looked small, almost like a child—scared and lost, and all she needed to do was hold his hand as he walked through the dark alleys.

"Mr Kapoor", Priya sat next to him, placed his hand over hers and said, "I will get you chocolate milkshake"

Ram quickly glanced at the antique wall clock.

"I know it's past midnight, but it's okay," she smiled.

He raised his eyebrows. Priya tightened her grip on his hand and fixed her gaze on an orange stain on the floor. "I don't know, but maybe this is something you would have done with dad on his birthday"

She closed her eyes and inhaled. Cool air from the AC settled in and the familiarity of the coldness warmed her. It was the oddest things, the most unexpected that grounded her to this place, to this weirdly wonderful man she called her husband. Life felt easy, almost effortless. Her fears wouldn't weigh her down. Some day she would tell about her fears, even the silliest ones, but it was not today.

"If you want, it's okay, will do whatever you want. If you don't want to do anything, we will just go to sleep," Priya talked in haste.

"Milkshake is fine," Ram said.

"Thank you" Priya whispered.