"Sirius."
Comes his mother's stern warning.
His leg is bouncing up and down. Up and down.
The silence is too loud. The sound of cutlery and glasses clinking warp around him. Choking him. Killing him.
He is too hot. There is sweat dripping down his back. His shirt sticks to him. His hands leave sweat stains on the table.
Up in the house above him there is the sound of an owl. Returning. The sound of Regulus' owl hooting.
Walburga Black looks up sharply at her youngest son.
"You know the rules Regulus, why is your owl back at the house during our family meal?"
For a second Regulus' grey eyes go to his. And then they flick back.
For a second Sirius' heart leaps into his throat. And then it falls back down.
"My apologies mother." His younger brother replies. "I let it out yesterday evening to send a letter to Evan, it did not return this morning, I assume it must have got waylaid."
Their mother seems to accept this answer. "If it happens again the owl will be confiscated."
"Yes mother."
Sirius takes a deep breath and then a long sip of his drink. And then he speaks, because it's so easy to annoy them, and he's so tired of feeling scared and he's forgetting why he's scared. He's always been scared, he knows he's always been scared, but it's like a mindless emotion settled deep inside of him. There is no reason to feel scared and Sirius needs to remind himself why he needs to leave before he loses the courage to do so.
"Why do we not talk about Andromeda?"
He leans back. Perfectly cocky, placing his mask back on. Ready to hurt himself, to shatter the fragile supports he's built this summer, to ruin any hopes they have for him. That's what he does. What he will always do. Disappoint everyone.
His mother freezes, his father takes a long sip of his drink, His Aunt and his uncle are staring at him, Narcissa looks like she's about to cry. And Regulus, Regulus is watching the whole thing play out like a story that he has read to many times.
That is the thing that shatters Sirius' heart, not the screaming or the curse that tears the skin off his legs, not the legimency. Just Regulus, who lost all hope for him years ago. Who read the story of Sirius' life, folded the pages, underlined the warning flags, and then carried it in his heart, ready to pull it out every time he sees Sirius, to use it as protection.
Hours later, as Sirius leans on Andromeda, everything bleeding, that is the thing that hurts the most.
Regulus lost his hope.
And he'll never trust Sirius again.
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Golden || Sirius Black
FanfictionThe only thing Hazel Evans likes about Sirius Black is his hair, though she'll never tell that to anyone. And the only thing Sirius Black dislikes about Hazel Evans is the fact that she won't go out with him. He likes everything else about her beca...
