I Can't Remember To Hate U

CHAPTER 38

"Are you serious?" Oren looked startled more than worried.
Suddenly, his wild eyes fell down and he tried to look as though what I said hadn't caused him pain, although in truth I had run a dagger into his heart.
"I don't want to carry your child."
"Let's talk when we reach our new house." He was being kind, polite but he was no longer the man I thought he was. He wasn't the face I dreamt of when I hovered between love and hate.  or the name I called while we made love.
"I'm not going to leave your side. Not even for a second. I'll be near you."

It had taken me a lot of courage to accept him, and now that I had finally understood that it was over, to live with the pain. I couldn't jeopardize that now, not even for him, especially not for him. I couldn't allow myself to step back, no matter how much I thought I loved him. He touched my hand and then my cheek, and he tried to kiss me, but I turned my head just a fraction. He kissed my cheek, just near the lips, and I closed my eyes for a long moment.
"I love you ... I will always love you ..." His eyes were blazing with the passion I knew so well, as  he said it. It was not the passion born of desire, but believing and wanting and caring so much it almost kills you. Oren cared about me that way, and I knew that one day it would kill him. I had survived his flame, and now I knew that I could no longer risk it.
"I love you too," I whispered, knowing that I couldn't say those words to him. But it was a whisper from the past, a goodbye to all that had been and had died with aunt Pauline.
"Where are we going?" I wanted to pressure him, to make him feel responsible for everything. He smiled at me, but I gave him a vague expression.
"I can't tell you, Lorelei. I won't"
"Does he know about me?" I stared at him slowly with a look of agony.
"Who?"
"Your father." He shook his head in answer.
"No, he doesn't."
"Will you tell him today?" I was curious about Thomas Tremblay's reaction, and them. What kind of family are they really, I thought.
"I don't think we're going to have time for that." His eyes were very calm, and his expression very gentle. He seemed at peace, and that was something.
"Do you love him?" I didn't believe he did, and he didn't want to hear it.
"Of course. He's my father." But the truth was he didn't. I stayed silent.
"Do you love me?" He asked. Of course, I did but a love like that caused too much pain, and I no longer had the courage. or the heart to forgive him. I glanced at the room and then back at Oren.
"I have to make a call."
"Why? What will happen if you don't call that person?"
"You haven't changed. You're still the man who convinced me to marry him on our first meeting." I smiled at the memory, and so did he.
"You were easier to convince in those days."
"Everything was easier then, my aunt was alive."
"Lorelei." He paused.
I put my hand on my chest and began to cry.
"I can't bear to see your tears." He wrapped his arms around me.
"Then kill me ... please."