Chermaine, wake up.
"Huh?"
WAKE UP.
She was back.
"No-no, go away!" I batted at the voice, even though I knew I wouldn't have hit something. My mouth felt dry and sandy and had a foul tang to it. Oh of course; I had been sleeping. I continued to bat at the air, my eyes barely open more than a slit.
Stop it, Chermaine. It doesn't make a difference.
"I. Don't. Care!" I yelled, as I swatted at the air, the voice becoming an imaginary annoying fly. How could this happen? Why had she come back? 1 week out of the hospital and she was out already? Why?
I gave up and my arms fell to my side.
"Why are you back? I hate you! Go!" Tears streamed down my face. 6 months free. 6 months free! I couldn't believe it. I thought she was gone.
I will never go away, Cher. I'm here forever.
My head started hurting. I couldn't tell whether it was a headache or just Zia causing me trouble. I've never had this problem before. My head has never pounded when Zia talked to me. Was this becoming worse? I couldn't bear the thought of excruciating pain in my head whenever the shadows talked to me. I would go mad. But then again, aren't I already?
I clenched my head with both hands. Maybe if I hold it with my hands, I could throw it out. Or maybe I could destroy it from inside me. The possibilities were endless at that moment. I must've looked like a self-destructive psychopath, trying to crush my skull. The pain was now unexplainable.
Then I had an idea. What if I did what Zia wanted me to do? What if she'd leave me alone for the rest of my life if I did what she told me to? I chuckled weakly at the thought that the idea had never occurred to me before.
And may I ask what you're laughing away at, Chermaine?
I wouldn't tell her. Telling her would end me.
"It was nothing,"
Hmph. I'd like to get in on the happiness too. What were you laughing at, Chermaine?
"What do you want, Zia?" I sighed, it was hard to keep from smiling so wide, the oceans would be jealous.
Oh, just a.. favor.
"What is it?" I tried to act tired. It wasn't easy, because I couldn't get the thought of being without Zia out of my head. It was exciting. A weight that had been a burden since day one would be soon lifted off my shoulders. I would fly, free like a songbird released from its cage after a millennium of pain and torture.
You know that.. girl? The one you hate? Hmm.. what was her name again?
I thought hard, and tried to co-operate. To be honest, there wasn't really anyone I hated. My mother always said "hate" was a strong word, and was to be used carefully. That's why I rarely use it. I am not a careful person.
Then I understood who Zia was talking about.
"Do you mean.. Roxy? I don't hate her, you know,"
Oh.. well. I had no idea, darling. I thought you did.
"I don't,"
No, you do.
I know you hate her. With all of what's left of your ugly heart.
You would burn her back with all the fires she gave you, just to give her a feeling of her own flames.
"I wouldn't do that,"
Why yes, you would!
"No,"
You will now.
You are going to do what I'm going to say. You will kill her.
This was getting out of hand. I could never go with what she wanted if it meant killing someone. That would make me a murderer. Or would that be an assassinator? No, Roxy's not important; killing her wouldn't make me an assassinator. Wait, why was I even contemplating killing her? No, I won't do it. Even if the burden was to be dropped back onto me. A death is not worth freedom. At least, I didn't think it was.
What do you say, my dear? Will you help me do it?
I could sense the smirk in her voice. I could hear it and see it as clear as if she was standing right there in front of me.
I'm waiting. Tick tock, Chermaine.
Screw the ticking and the tocking.
"No,"
What?! But you hate her! Don't you dream of killing her? To bring pain? And misery? I'm giving you that chance right now and you push it away? WHY? I thought you wanted this?
"I don't! I never did! I don't want you or your followers! Since when did I want this? How many times do I have to tell you? I don't hate her! I hate you!"
I was quaking with frustration. She didn't understand. She didn't understand anything, all she wanted was to put pain in my way. To block my path.
I know you want this, Chermaine. I know it's everything you've ever wanted. You want me. I protect you! This is how you repay me?
"That's bullshit! Since when did you protect me? All you've done is make me hate myself!"
Fine! You'll see that you need me! You had always needed me!
Always.
Then she went silent.
