Before Anything Else | Marina

2. One Step Forward

The door opened. Carina had finally made it home. She placed Scout and the bag on the floor. He was standing next to her. She turned around a few seconds only to lock the door, as she heard the baby doing a few steps toward a socket. "Nononono" she turned around, did a few big, fast steps and grabbed him up again. He babbled something Carina could not understand. "I'm sorry but the house is not baby proofed. We'll now see where to make you play okay?"

She walked into the living room and sat the baby on the couch sitting herself next to him with the bag. "Let's see what's in here" she said with a mysterious voice while opening the bag. Carina gasped "What is that? A lion?" Scout reached out to grab it. In the bag were so many things like around 10 baby fruit bars, a baby bottle with a yellowish juice, other one filled with water, clothes, diapers, baby pouder, a lot of stuffed animals and a baby floor blanket. "Aaah yes that is what we need, isn't it? So you can now play on the floor" she opened it and placed in near their couch, she than took the baby and placed him there. Just one thing, he wouldn't stay put. "Scout you can get hurt in this house and I don't want this" She of course talked in vain. He kept walking around the whole living room. Carina was behind him all the time. She thought that maybe since it was a new place he just needed to check it out. He babbled again as he runned in baby steps towards the little table in the living room grabbing the iPad that was placed there. "Oh that is Maya's iPad, I don't believe she'll be happy to know that a baby placed his dirty hands on it" not even five seconds later he dropped the iPad on the floor. "Oh my God" was the only thing Carina said full of concern.

The door of her bedroom opened. "Okay where did you steal that baby?" Asked Maya with a very sleepy voice that proved that she had just waken up and a super confused face.

"Maya?? I thought you were at work" said Carina while placing the iPad back on the small table trying to hide it from her wife.

"I got home earlier"

Carina suddenly jumped up "Why?? Did something happen? Are you ok??"

"Yes I'm fine, got home earlier because I covered Ben last time so he's doing my shift now- you still didn't answer to my question tho"

Carina was reliefed again. "Maya this is Scout" She said smiling.

"Scout as in Amelia's baby?? He grew so much I really did not recognize him"

"I know right? It's been a long time since we actually met all together,  I'm not even sure he remembers me"

Scout finally decided to stay sit on the blanket and started playing with his stuffed animals.

"Are you planning on going back to sleep?" Carina asked while being totally focused on watching the baby playing.

"No, why?" She asked while sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone.

"I really do need a shower now, can you please look after him? Please put all your eyes at him and do NEVER get distracted, he is not our baby.

"So would it be fine to get distracted with our baby?" She asked very ironically with a small smile she was trying to hide.

"Of course not, but I believe it is much worse when you have responsibility of a baby who is not yours, like Amelia would kill us"

"It's okay Carina it was a joke, go take a shower now we are fine."

Maya's POV

Maya put her phone away, she didn't believe that anything could happen while he was playing with two stuffed animals, but she didn't want to disappoint Carina in case she would see her on her phone.

She was just staring at this blonde baby. She had no idea what to say, she didn't want to say anything actually. She has never been good with children, they actually made her very uncomfortable. Two minutes passed, seemed like ten.

Out of nowhere Scout raised his head and was now look at Maya. 'Crap' she thought. He stood up helping himself with his little hands, walked straight to Maya who was still sitting on the couch next to his playground and took her hand. Maya felt weird, she really didn't want to interact with him.

He smiled and pulled her hand. "Come play"

This really wasn't good. Maya wasn't standing up, she really had no intention on doing so, but he continued saying to go play with him and the more he said that the more she could feel he was about to cry and that would have been so much worse. So she finally stood up. Scout didn't leave her hand and guided her to the blanket. She sat down and this made Scout do one of these baby sounds when they are happy. It warmed her up, but she still would have preferred to sit on that couch.

Scout gave her the lion while he held the shark. 'A lion chasing a shark? A shark chasing a lion?' She thought it was too odd to even give it a try so she was just sitting there in silence holding the stuffed animal up pretending to play while Scout was groaning resembling a shark, or better said, what should have been a shark.

Something inside her head was saying that she had to try harder, for Carina. They discussed the possibility of having a baby and she knew she disappointed Carina with her answer to this, so that is why  she said that she only needed some time, while she clearly knew that she couldn't change it. It was not that she disliked children or the idea of having one, but she was just scared that she would never be able to change her being uncomfortable and completely useless in front of a child, which would lead to a baby growing up only with one parent and possibly to a divorce from her wife. But thanks to Scout,  in that exact moment she had a possibility to see if she could make the things right. It took her a few deep breaths but she managed to speak a raw, emotionless 'grr'. Scout laughed. So she did it again. His laughter warmed her up. She didn't know why communicating with children was so difficult for her, but now she felt like she could make it, step by step, for Carina, and maybe also for herself.

Carina's POV

'So would it be fine to get distracted with our baby?' 'With our baby' Carina was overthinking what Maya had just said while hot water was running on her. "What could it mean? Was she saying that she is now ready? Or that we officially are going to be parents? Maybe it was really just a joke?"

They had this discussion already like 3 times. Carina understood most of Maya's issues with having a baby,  but they didn't matter, because the fact that she had to live by not knowing if she would ever become a mother was eating her alive. Her whole adult life she had dreamed about having a child someday and before meeting Maya, she had plans on doing it all on her own. Now she was not alone anymore and maybe the joy she could have shared with Maya would never happen.

She tried not to cry. She felt selfish. She closed the water and went now out of them shower. She took a towel and put it around her body. And stared at herself in the mirror. She suddenly heard Scout screaming loud out of joy. She silently opened the bathroom door to see what was happening and she couldn't believe her eyes. Maya looked genuinely fine while playing with him. Carina couldn't hold her smile back. 'Maybe Maya was right, she just needed some time' she thought to herself and went to her room to get dressed.