𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 ━━ 𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝙊𝙉𝙀𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏𝙎

First Love

IT HAS BEEN a month since Eli Jang had brought his boyfriend home from the hospital, yet he still hasn't warmed up to him nor even spoken to him the whole time. The doctors had told him that it would be a long way to go before [M.Name] could even recover half of his memories, the only thing he could do now is to create new ones with him in hopes of rekindling the spark in their relationship.

Now here he was now, trying his best to cook for the both of them, the book they had once written together lay open on the counter, his tears soaking the already old, wrinkling pages.

He couldn't help but sob silently, the agony he felt was overwhelming. He didn't want to let go of him, he doesn't want to give up on the both of them, but the fact that he was the only one fighting in this relationship was slowly tearing him apart.

"James?"

His boyfriend's soft voice called from the bedroom, as Eli began to roughly wipe away the tears on his cheek, a cold realization had hit him. There was a lump in his throat that was incredibly hard to swallow, a new set of tears quickly forming in his eyes.

His name isn't James. He's Eli. Eli Jang. His boyfriend for four years.

But nonetheless, Eli turned off the stove and walked to where [M.Name] was, mustering up the energy to face him with a small even as his heart bled in its cage, even as his hands felt cold and his throat felt dry. There the man was, sitting at the edge of the bed and clutching his head.

"What's wrong, baby? I'm here, let me help you──" Before Eli could even come near the distressed male, he stood up and stumbled away from him, and he recognized the emotion in his eyes ── the eyes he dearly loves.

"W–Who are you? Where's my boyfriend?" [M.Name] took another step back from the blond, completely afraid and confused to what was happening around him.

Who is this man? Why is he here? Why did he refer to him that way? Why is he in the same house as him? Where is he?

Question after question had spiralled in his mind, his thoughts were getting out of control and it was hurting him even more. Eli noticed how he clutched his head harder, nearly tearing his hair out if he hadn't grabbed onto his arm and pulled him in his arms. Even as [M.Name] tried to push away from him, muttering the name James over and over again, Eli continued to reassure him that he was here, that he'll help him, and that everything will be okay.

At that moment, Eli wasn't sure if the words he has been whispering were to comfort his boyfriend, or to calm his weeping heart.

Once [M.Name] fell asleep in his arms, he placed him gently on the bed, kissing his head ever so gently. A pained yet warm smile had spread across his lips as he sat down on the chair beside the bed, taking the other's hand in his and pressing it close to his cheek. This was once the hand that had caressed his face with so much love, the same hand that cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday, the same hand that pulls his hand everywhere they go.

Loving someone who doesn't remember you was something most couple feared, granted that he was one of them. The thought of being with the person you love the most yet they know nothing about you. Not your name, not your birthday, not your favourite coffee, not even the way you smile.

But Eli had realized something, one that he wished that it was just a simple nightmare and that he'd wake up any moment now.

Loving someone who calls you by a different name and does not remember you whatsoever was, by far, the scariest thing to him.

And it wasn't just any name either, it was the name of his first love. Was he not enough? Had he not given him the same amount of love ── if not, more ── than his first love? Why, out of all people, had he remembered the first man he had ever felt his heart beat for?

The more he thought about things, the wider the cracks and gaps in his heart became. Did the universe hate him this much that they not only hurt the person he loves the most, they had to make him suffer by being reminded that before he came into [M.Name]'s life, there was someone who had once given him everything, loved him to the ends of the world, and did everything to make him happy.

But he shouldn't think this way, he should be happy ── grateful, even ── that [M.Name] was alive. That he was here with him, despite everything they had gone through, and could still remember him and create new memories with him.

He was torn because of love. Completely and utterly pained.

"I love you, [M.Name], even if you don't remember me."

⌑ Not proofread.