one last chance

chapter six

CHAPTER SIX LONDON ENGLAND

Spike sat in the cafeteria a moment longer before going in search of Buffy. First he went up to the offices, passing Giles in the hall. Giles stopped him for a moment.

"I still don't like you personally." He stated bluntly.

"Well you did try to have me killed." Spike said.

"And I would do it again if I thought I had to, but both Buffy and Dawn care a great deal about you." Giles sighed looking like a father who hated watching his daughters grow up. "I can be agreeable to you here as long as they are happy and safe. You did save us which is a positive thing. As long as the girls are ok, I'm ok. I also have to admit you will be useful in training the girls. Sparring and such. Welcome back Spike and thank you. You are the reason we made it out alive."

Spike stared at Giles. After Xanders warm reaction he didn't know what to expect from Giles. On one breath he was stating his dislike and disapproval on the other he was welcoming him back. He stored this information away to figure out later.

"Well than… thanks mate I guess." They started to go their separate ways when Giles called out to Spike.

"She's in the small gym by the way."

Spike smiled to himself. Giles reaction was starting to make more sense. He couldn't be ok with Spike and be ok with his moral code. However he could be neutral toward him. Giving silent approval while vocally disapproving.

"Thanks mate." He said quietly, not sure if Giles heard him or not.

Taking the mentors advice Spike headed down to the small gym. The door of the gym was open; he paused in the entry and just watched Buffy. Here she was unguarded. Alone, or so she thought, she let out everything she hid from the others. Here was where she could let her frustrations out. On a punching bag, dummy or floor mat, inanimate objects who felt none of her anger or hurt. They couldn't comment, couldn't feel, which made the gym the perfect place to place her frustration.

Her back to Spike she grabbed a sword from the weapons rack and started a pattern dance. Spike recognized the dance. It was one he taught her when they sparred together. Pattern dances were practice routines done with swords. They could be done solo or with a partner. Spike himself had learned this particular one in China during the Boxer Revolution.

She was graceful, moving from one part of the dance to the next. Bringing the sword high above her head she turned to the side seamlessly moving into the lunge.

As Spike watched her he remembered other dances. Hot, sweaty dances, with his slayer leading the chase. Bodies as they moved in rhythm. He remembered how her back arched as she reached the climax. How she would ride him to the brink of insanity and hold him there; demanding her desires be met first. He smiled to himself, remembering how they took down a house the first time they came together. Their first time had been all anger and frustration over flowing. It had been rough, wild and heated by pure lust. He had known that night even as he was inside her that she wasn't his yet. She didn't become his until that night she had asked him to hold her.

She was his slayer no doubt. He knew every inch of her body. How she moaned when he scraped his teeth along her neck. How she cried out as she came. How they drove each other to the edge again and again and yet still came back for more.

He also knew her soul to. He had met her as a young girl still and he had seen the woman she become. Thrust into a world darker than most people knew. Throwing herself off a tower constructed by insane people without a second thought to save her sister. She was his alright and he would do whatever it took to get his slayer back.

Still watching her, she threw the sword down half way through the dance. Stalking over to one of the punching bags Buffy began a series of punching and kicking exercises. Spike noticed that each punch seemed a little less controlled, each kick become a little wilder. He watched before his eyes as Buffy fell apart. In the space of ten minutes she was reduced to tears, falling on her hands and knees to the mat.

Watching her, his heart broke at seeing the pain he caused.

Buffy couldn't hold it in anymore. When Spike sacrificed himself, she held it together, barely. She concentrated solely on work and she managed. The others worried about her but she did it. Then they came to London, it got easier. Little by little she started to move on. Angel calling, telling her what happened, that Spike was back, almost broke her completely. And now he was back. Here, what was she supposed to do?

Sinking to her hands and knees she sobbed. It was too much. How could she be a woman and the slayer? Some day's everything in her screamed to chuck it. Forget her duty, her destiny. Other days being the slayer liberated her. Part of her wanted to run to Spike, forgive him for everything. She admitted only to herself that she was afraid. Afraid she'd loose him again, afraid that she never had him in the first place. Thinking herself to be alone she collapsed on the padded floor. Giving in to the whirlwind of emotions and fears she kept at bay for the past two years.

Chocking on sobs that seemed to race out of her chest she almost didn't hear the slight cough near the doorway. She turned her tear streaked face with her chest heaving from the force of her cries to the door. Spike stood leaning against the frame, black duster settled around his ankles, watching her loose all control.

When Dawn woke up the sun had already set. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. In the kitchen she found Giles pouring a cup of tea. Silently she went to the cupboard and grabbed her own glass.

"He's back." She said to her father figure.

"I know, I spoke to him for a moment." Giles evenly replied.

They sat in silence, both sipping their teas, lost in their own thoughts.

"I decided to forgive him. I don't know why he stayed away but I'm glad he's back." Dawn broke the silence. Starring into her tea cup she refused to look at Giles.

"I know. It's the right thing to do." Giles answered.

Shocked Dawn looked up at him. Kind understanding filled his eyes.

"What do you think Buffy will do?" Dawn looked out the kitchen window to the school across the street. The light was on in the small gym and you could just barely see inside. Buffy was on the ground with Spike kneeling next to her.

"I can't answer that. If she does forgive him it will take some time. I've invited him to help train the girls." Was Giles' easy reply.

"I hope it works." Dawn continued to stare across the street wishing she could hear them.

Back in the gym Spike came to kneel next to the slayer. He didn't speak just kneeled next to her and placed a hand on her back. She continued to heave with sobs for a moment before reining her emotions in.

"Did Xander give you a place to stay?" She looked up at him, her eyes cold and hard. If it wasn't for the tear streaks that lined her face and the jaggedness of her breathing he would never had know she broken down just minutes before.

"Yeah, he did. And the Watcher invited me to help teach the girls. You know sparring and such." It wasn't exactly the truth but she didn't need to know that.

"That's fine. We have and extra office you can use. We start training at seven every evening. Until than- stay out of my way." With that Buffy stood up and walked away. She was almost to the door before she turned around and asked one final question, "Why Spike? Why did you stay away, and more importantly why are you back now?"

"Lots of reasons luv, lot of 'em aren't to pleasant either." was his only answer. She nodded once before leaving him standing alone in the gym. Spike couldn't tell her that he was afraid to come back. Her last words to him were "I love you"- he didn't know if he was more afraid that she lied, or told the truth. He didn't know if he would have been able to come back if it wasn't for what Wesley had discovered. But that could wait a day or two. He would tell her soon. Just not quite yet.