Learn To Love Your Scars

T is for Trauma

~Adelaine Ophelia Bishop~

I think my favourite quote my English teacher had ever told me was; "the world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels full of scars..."

Why? I feel like I relate a lot to that quote. I thought Killian -my current guardian after my mom's tragic death- who the officers and my social worker thought would be a suitable and responsible guardian, was nothing but two-faced. He was Satan in disguise and it hurt that I was under his control.

I am currently in my room, limping around as I fret over what Killian would do to me today. Today is the seventh anniversary of my mom's death and each year he gives me painful torture. Every year he reminds me how much of a waste of space I am. Every year he gives me a scar to remind me that I'm worth nothing. Last year for an entire month he kept breaking my hand every time it heals. This time I hope he does not do that because my arm never felt the same. It still hurts, and it looks painfully deformed thus why I always wear long-sleeved clothes.

I know I shouldn't make assumptions or overthink but I have a feeling he'd do something unspeakable to me and I don't want that. I know that he'll do something to scar and scare me. Something to make me hate myself for being this weak. Something that'll make me afraid to fall asleep because of the constant nightmares. I don't want this pain anymore.

So, I began to plot my escape. I can't take it anymore. It's been seven years of pain. Seven years of torture. I'd be damned if I took more years of pain.

I'm relieved he never touched me inappropriately but I also know not to rejoice just as soon because my gut tells me it'll be soon.

My thinking never got far as I heard the front door slam shut and Killian's haunting voice call out for me. "Come down now!!" He yells and I quickly scurry downstairs to do as said, hoping to not make whatever my punishment is, worse.

I walked towards him and fixated my gaze downwards as I noticed he has company.

"This is my friend," he said as held my chin in a painful grip, forcing me to look at him.

"Why don't you greet him with a kiss?"

I froze.

First off, eww. Kissing the public toilet walls is better.

"No," I say firmly, challenging him. I know how this is going to end but I'm not going to let him win. I will fight. Always.

"You do as I say!" He yelled as he took hold of my throat and slammed me on the wall. I hiss in pain and try as hard as I can to peel his hands off my neck but there's only little I can do with the lack of air. I gasp for air as my vision blackens and that's when Killian lets me go but grabs me by my hair.

"Stop fighting and do as I say!" He scolded as he pushed me towards his friend who was watching us with a sickening smirk. "I don't bite slut," he spoke huskily as he held my shoulders in a painful grip. I fought against his and Killian's hold.

But my fighting was in vain as his friend grabbed me from the back of my neck and forcefully placed his lips on mine.

I shivered in disgust and pulled away immediately, I gave him a jab on his jaw enough to shock him to get out of his disgusting hold. And when he recovers he glares at me and tells Killian to stay back when he was about to intervene.

He advances towards me and I throw a lead hook at his jaw and he grunts but continues toward me.

Okay, what the fuck? I can't escape with two disgusting bastards.

I sigh. He throws a punch at me and I duck away throwing a rear punch at him and then an immediate liver punch, knocking him out instantaneously.

YES!!

"You bitch!!" I heard Killian snarl hastily walking towards me.

Oh shit!!

One look at him is enough for me to sprint up to my room but he's close on my heel. Very close to my liking.

"Bitch," he grunted pulling my leg causing me to fall and hit my chin into the staircase.

I wail in pain, fuck it feels like my jaw is broken.

Keep fighting!! Worry about the pain later!! Fight! Get out!!!

I tried to kick at him but failed. He pulled me down and threw a punch at me. My eyes glazed a bit but I shook it off trying to throw a left hook but he caught onto my hand, tightening his grip onto it.

I hiss trying vehemently to get his fucking hand off of mine but he sneered at me.

"You have disgraced me," he says angrily twisting my hand until I hear that sickening crack I became familiar with but oh fuck the pain never ceases to amaze me. I cry in pain trying as hard as I can to pull my now painfully deformed arm back but that angers him he grabs my other arm.

"Shut the fuck up if you don't want the same treatment on this hand," his warning immediately makes me stop struggling. I whimper, tears streaming down my face.

Two broken hands are better than death.

So I kicked him in the shin. He let go of my arm and immediately clutched onto his leg. I hurried to my feet and tried to run out of the house but he pulled me back by the jacket and slammed me into the wall.

"Bitch!!" He kept shouting but I was losing focus. He wouldn't stop punching me.

Fight back Adelaine. You're so close to freedom. Adelaine,  just hold on a little more. Just a l—

My vision blackened my body going limp.

I tried. It hurts.

And so I let the darkness consume me when I heard the sirens in the distance a short-lived relief as I shut my tired eyes.

"NYPD! On the floor! Hands up. Officer Lauren get the paramedics in. The scene is cleared for entry."

•••••

Author's note: Is this better???