One Arrow

Chapter 3: One Dream

I stand before her, looking into eyes that have been dead for over fifty years. Eyes that are cold. Eyes disturbingly similar to mine.

This is the woman he is in love with. The woman he fights so hard for. I can't compete with her. I don't have her beauty. I don't have her strength. I don't have her power. And I don't have the heart of the man we both love.

I stand before her, wishing it could have been me that he loved.

She raises her bow and draws an arrow, pointing it to my chest. I don't say a word. No begging or crying or cursing. I simply stand there. Waiting. I'm so tired of not being good enough. Perhaps if I am gone she can use my soul to become stronger, maybe even become human again. Stranger things have happened. I've been shrunk down to the size of a finger at Peach Man's hut, so I should know.

A flash of red and silver catches my eye. He's here. I didn't want him to see this. I feel ashamed for being so weak, so... inadequate.

Then it hits me. I love him.

I love Inuyasha!

I changed my mind, I don't want to leave him! I don't care if he loves Kikyo, it's enough that I can be near him. He needs me, whether or not he knows it.

Who will make him Ramen if I'm dead?

I open my mouth, but before a sound can come out I feel the burning pain exploding in my chest. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so bad!

Slowly my world becomes dark... and it strikes me as funny... I've been pinned to a tree by Kikyo's arrow... just like Inuyasha had been. How funny... how tragically funny life can be sometimes.

Darkness begins to swirl.

Then I'm standing there. Again. Standing in front of that stupid tree, looking into her cold eyes. Waiting for that stupid arrow.

It's the same. Over and over again. Every night I have the same dream. And every time like I was there, feeling every single thing again. Every doubt. Every bit of shame. Every second of pain. It's in some loop in my head that is sure to drive me insane.

Why can't I dream about bunnies and rainbows? Just once. Pleeeeeease.

Every night I wake up in a cold sweat, with a worried half dog-demon staring down at me, looking at me with the same eyes I woke up to after being shot in the chest. But this time without the tears he refuses to acknowledge. I can feel him near, even now, but I keep my eyes tightly closed. I'm not ready to face him.

It's sweet that he's so worried about me. Really. But every since I woke up after being shot I haven't been out of his sight. The only exception is when Sango and I go bathe or I have to visit the bushes for, uh, personal reasons. And even then he insists on staying close enough to hear me. Talk about embarrassing. The only way I got to have a little peace then was if I talked the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME! If I stop talking he gets freaked out and starts yelling for me. Once he even burst through the bushes at the most inopportune time. Boy did he get 'sat' for that one.

I know I used to wish that he would pay more attention to me, but I really didn't mean quite THIS much attention.

Yesterday I saw some of Kikyo's soul catchers. So did Inuyasha. The look on his face actually scared me. I kinda feel sorry for Kikyo. I know it sounds weird feeling sorry for the woman who tried to kill me, but I do.

Besides, I'm not terribly sure she was actually trying to kill me. From what I used to hear, on a much too frequent basis, Kikyo was an excellent archer. She could have easily hit my heart or my brain. She could have shot me full of arrows instead of using just the one. Why didn't she kill me?

I tried asking Inuyasha once, but that wasn't a conversation that went well. He won't talk about her. And he won't let anyone else talk about her either. If the topic comes up and he can't stop it, he scoops me up and takes off to the tree tops.

The dream has me shook up. It's too real. I relive it every night. I hate it.

I open finally open my eyes. And there he is, staring down at me with his golden eyes, looking worried as ever. I give him a shaky smile. Those eyes melt my heart every time. It's impossible to stay angry at him.

"I love you," he tells me as he pulls me into a gentle hug, just as he has done every day since I woke up from being shot by that awful, and wonderful, arrow.

I hug him back, trying to protect him from the fears I see in his eyes. He means the world to me and I would give anything to see one of his arrogant smirks again. If I'm angry at Kikyo for anything, it's for taking that grin of his away and putting that ever present fear in his eyes whenever he looks at me. I brush the hair out of his eyes and give him one of my best smiles.

"I love you too."

We hold onto each other, not wanting to let go.