just some thoughts

Schrödinger

A few seconds ago, I was listening to a song in the shower. A song that made me think a lot, and also not at all.
I've realized over the past couple of months just how apathetic I can really be, but I'm not sure if apathy is the emotion here.
Something else entirely.
Most of it IS apathy. But, there's a sprinkle of something else in there too. Like a drink with just a bit too much of something in it. You can recognize that not much about the drink has changed, but that small bit throws off the flavor profile of it, while also not telling you what is wrong.
Maybe it's loneliness?
Sometimes I feel so alone with my thoughts. So forgotten, in a way.
Being up late tends to make me think about shit like that a lot.
Like how no one who's asleep even knows I exist in the same vescinity as them in that moment.
To the rest of the world, I do not exist as a concept until they perceive that I do.
It's a lot like Schrödinger's Cat.
The idea that if a cat is placed in a box with poison, and then the box sealed, until the cat is observed, it is both dead and alive, as a result has not yet been perceived.
Anyway, I just feel like I could vanish at any point and not much would change.
I haven't made a big enough impact on the world for anything to change.
I would just, not be here.
How many people outside of friends and family would even notice?
Hell, how many people that I interact with near daily would even notice?
It's a wonder.
The brain works so weirdly...