404: Love Not Found

The Will of Nature

[POV: Alex]

"Alex. Aleexxx. Alex! Alexander. Mister Stephenson?" is all I hear day in and day out. The sound of pencils hitting the surface of paper a dozen times per second resonates within the classroom's four relatively empty walls. The white walls enclosing one's space evoke an image akin to the walls of hospitals. Looking around, one can notice the slight details the school tried to put into making the room more child-friendly, such as placing half notes and quarter notes in an unarguably indecipherable twisting staff. However, I don't quite see the appeal of making such an effort in a place of focus and refinement.

Speaking of refinement, someone that requires more of it would be my forever-destined tormentor going by the name of Emily Amores. Her incessant desire to petrify the solemn spirit I have with me has been nothing short of spectacular. Her sheer will to run up behind me and try to tickle me or shout my name as if I were an ocean away drives me up the wall. I don't even know what to tell her. She keeps asking about my day and how I am, but how am I supposed to answer that? We exist in the classroom every single day, and yet she still hasn't figured out what everyone must be feeling.

Imagine going to the same place every single day at the same time and trying to maintain a positive attitude while being told to do the same menial tasks repeatedly. How is that supposed to feel? However, I knew if I told her this, she would just spew out some nonsense at me that is along the lines of, "Try to find the meaning in things so that you don't have to see them as they are, but something that you want them to be." Why would you escape such a crucial part of the school's symbolism? Sure, school revokes some of their free time, but that lost free time is put to good use. School isn't a prison; it's a necessary step towards improvement.

Despite this, I can't seem to shake this feeling I have. It's stupid, it's highly idiotic, but it's also extremely belligerent once triggered. The weird part is that whenever it gets triggered, I find myself looking at activities that I don't even enjoy, such as frisbee, basketball, picnics, and things in that vein. Even though that's the case, I can't seem to stop craving the idea of being out in the sun while throwing weirdly shaped objects in the air, hoping for someone to catch them, which is again something that I do not have the skills to do nor the resources to accomplish. I could research what it is, although having to read through piles of books would only jeopardize my time that should be used for meaningful projects that will affect my future.

However, how much of a fool am I trying to hide this from Emily? As much as I will discredit her for her actions, she's a wizard when it comes to reading people to such a degree that I make it a point to just leave her hanging, but that wasn't enough, apparently, because she got a hold of me. It was a fairly dull day. The sky was overridden by dark nimbus clouds with just enough thickness to let a faint yellow light shine, and the breeze blowing by was freezing cold. I don't even know the reason why classes weren't canceled, but I'm not complaining. It was already the end of a class filled with filler lessons and wrap-ups, which meant I was not on my best instincts. I was staring out one of our large glass windows, the size of an entire wall, and Emily must've seen me and walked up beside me. "Hello," she said to me with a gleefully childish tone. I tried to ignore her since I knew walking away would be a bad look for me in front of the other students. "Alex, is everything alright?" she said as she shifted to a more concerned look. "Uhh... yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I said with a masquerading smile. "Alex, come on. We're halfway through the year already and you're still as cooped up as ever," she told me. I get that she's trying to comfort me, but this is too much. "Emily, again, I'm fine. I'm okay," I said to her before I left.

After leaving, I immediately went to our waiting area to look for my mom. I knew she had worked a bit later today, but I was still secretly hoping she'd come earlier for me to escape this scene. In search of my mom through the grills of the waiting area windows, I instead saw my classmates drinking juice and laughing by the sidewalk. There were about five of them leaning on the railings while they sucked on their straws and giggled among each other. Knowing them, I would say that they're not bad students. In fact, one of them is pretty good at math, but they weren't a particularly ambitious bunch. They didn't strive to get to the higher level as I do, yet I somehow find myself getting hurt by seeing them hang out. Just in time for this moment was Emily, slowly strolling up next to me. "Haylee, Anthony, Paul, Priyo, and Yumi. Those are their names," Emily enumerated as she pointed to each one of them. "What are you, some kind of stalker?" I tried to joke with her. "No, but you are with you creepily looking at them," she quipped back at me. "Alex, what seems to be the problem here?" Emily asked me with an utterly sincere tone. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread well up inside me, and I just broke down. "It's their smiles. Somehow, their happiness seems to eat me. I know it sounds moronic, and it is, but I can't seem to get rid of it," I confessed to her. "You know what I think? I think you're jealous," she told me point-blank. "Jealous? Me? of what? How am I jealous of their unambitious selves?" I mustered with all offense. "You want. No. You NEED a friend. The feeling you are having right now isn't because you're losing your mind or becoming dumb, it's because, for all this time, you've been staying away from others," she explained to me with a surprising amount of intellect. "Is that so?" I asked. "Yes, and I suggest we stick together. You need to be open, and I want to be friends with you, genuinely," she said to me while putting her hands on my shoulder. "If that's the way to get rid of this, sure, let's try that out," I hesitantly told her. "Great, now we're officially friends," she said, offering a handshake.

My mom arrives at the gate just as I take Emily's hand to accept her handshake. I quickly got my bag, wiped my eyes, and made my way to my mom's car. I didn't expect such wise words to come from Emily's mouth, but I guess I should take her more seriously if that means being free from this burden. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if this is what it is meant to be or not. In nature's will or not.