Wild Dreams

5- Overthinking Kills

They are now always together, me on the other hand was always their third wheel. I look like an outcast who is always looking at them whenever they make an unnecessary movement that makes my heart ache for a moment. I can hear whispers that say I look pathetic, but I don’t mind, I just need someone right now because I don’t wanna feel lonely.

All I need right now is someone whom I feel comfortable with, someone that I can feel the security of, someone that makes me feel at peace—and that’s Dome. I don’t care if he gives his full attention to Mindy as long as I can see him for a moment. I can escape reality whenever I'm with him. 

I can escape the fact that my grades are slowly failing, my family that will separate in just a snap, my fragile body, my chaotic mind, and my shattered heart. 

My parents wanted a divorce, I don't know why. The last time I saw them, they were still okay, they were having normal conversations just like normal lovers, then I was shocked when I heard the news that they were filing a divorce. How can they act normally in front of me, and argue when I'm not looking. Are they thinking that I'm not going to be hurt because I saw them love each other everyday when in fact they are just pretending for the sake of me, for the sake of the family name, for the sake of a "whole family". 

I just want to be with Dome—to rest. But he doesn't want me to be around anymore, because that's what Mindy wants; and he obeyed. I guess I don't have any right to demand. 

"I can't go with you anymore, Mindy needs me"

"I can't go to our supposed to be party, Mindy wants me here" 

"Mindy don't want me to come"

"I'm sorry, I already promised to Mindy that I'll spend my day with her" 

I feel like my mind is going to explode, I can't stop thinking about everything that's happening to me, is it my fault? Am I to blame? Can I go back to the time when everything's still smooth? 

I can't breathe, my physical state was calm but my mind and heart was uncontrollable. I feel like anytime I'm going to puke because of overthinking. I don't have anyone to rely on. I am alone in this world.