I gave you a reason to love me while you gave me a reason to hate you

I tried my best to love you as much as I could but with every time you done something so foolish and painful I started to realize how much I began to hate you...you'll make fun of me and call me mean names but I didn't think of it as something bad at the time so I let it continue....I let it continue so much to the point where's I started to think each word you said was true....I started to question if you loved me for my personality or for my body...if you loved the way I showed you off and held your hand even tho I hated physical touch due to past trauma....I would question if you only called just so I can help you with your 'issues' or if you wanted to actually have a decent conversation with me...I would wonder if what happened was suppose to happen or maybe it was something you wanted just so you can run around telling people we did it...I would question maybe was I in the wrong to feel the way I did...or was I the complainer...or the one who always made shit a big deal..did you even love me? Or did you love the idea of having someone you can walk around with or have 'fun' with? What was wrong with our relationship I thought we was okay...I thought things wouldn't turn out the way it did...why do I sit here in the dark and question everything we did and trying to figure out was it me or was it you... was I making you happy by giving you everything you wanted even though it made me so uncomfortable and begin to question everything...I tried so hard to hate you after everything...even when everyone told me you was no good but I didn't listen because I felt if I loved you just a bit more and gave you everything you wanted everything would be okay...I wanted to show everyone you're not the bad guy they tried to make you out to be..but I guess you proved me wrong...you made me realize that the love we had was just made up and should of stayed in our heads...as much as I would love to fix the past and try and redo everything I know for a fact it's not worth it...because in the end...

I'll  still try to give you a reason to love me but instead you'll continue to give me a reason to hate you