The Migration (A Boy Story)

Part 3

Graz, Austria

I heard him coming towards my room. Those keys strapped to his trousers dangle each time he intends to return me back to the hospital. I hate that. I detested him for that and now I detest him more. I just want to drown in my thinking. I want it to cave me into the bed. Into the brick floor. Into the soil layers and I want to rest in my grave. I want the angels to come asking me questions. I want to see my lord. Faiz died in that sea. I wanted to love him too just like Ummi did. He's a gentle boy. He told me he doesn't feel like getting on that ship. I told him we'll be fine. I told him we need to go far away from Libya to have a better life. He was 10 years old then. In my mind I know ummi wouldn't be pleased with me. She asked me to take care of him. She asked me to make sure I give him a better life. I watched her die before escaping with Faiz. Though I tried using sticks on them but it amounted to nothing. I was thrown out into the street. I tried going back in but the door was locked. I shouted, wobbling around, blood trickling down my right leg, Faiz rubbing his face, tears rolling down his cheeks. I could still see his face in the half dimmed light from the yellow bulb outside our window. The street was a desert of red and I listened to the cry of my mother, not knowing what those men were doing to her. I knew when they broke down the door and four of them ran towards the narrow path leading to the market.

I ran with my brother towards the other road leading to one of the morgues. Before we got there we found about five dead rotten bodies on the roads. Some flew with fresh blood and I sat down on what Abi had been saying before his death. Right there I knew I've never really experienced Sabha, I don't know about its slavery system, those falsed into prostitution and does dying daily just because they want to reach Europe.

That night I couldn't help Ummi but her last words before I was thrown out with Faiz were, Ya Muhammad ghamid hayunak. I was crying, my legs burning and those men were shouting and moving Ummi like a demon.

"Muhammad, wake up. It's time to see your doctor." Said Gegly.

I managed to get up even though I detested him for what he just did and again I love him for wanting to help me get better. I looked into his eyes, they're calm. A shallow smile spread across his whiter face with strands of grey hairs around his chin. I smiled back and said weakly.

"I wish to be in bed all day. I'm tired. I need to grow numb again."

"Muhammad," he sat in my bed. " We love you and you know. When you are numb, indifferent, it'll affect people around you. My Wife, children, and your friends. We love you."
I nudged my head, hoping Abi had been like him. I knew Allah knew best but Abi could have helped us navigate the city. He could have told us the reality of where we called home. He could have told me why I shouldn't talk to those men knowing that Abdel Kaf is one of the most notorious for prostitution. He never told me that behind those doors those men sat were rooms where deals are made to sell people off.

Birgit walked in and sat beside her husband. She held his hands in hers. The window was still closed and cocks in the pen sound like they're suffocating. I am suffocating. I just want them to stop caring. I want to hate them for that but something keeps pulling me back. They're good to me and I thank Allah they're here.

Birgit took me home from the shelter I was in a few months after I arrived in Austria. She took me home after so much had happened. My brother Faiz had drowned in that ship when we tried crossing the sea. I don't know why I'm thinking about this now. I just want to be alone.

"Muhammad, you'll eat before you go." She said. "Dr Fawaz called in this morning to see you."

"Alright!" My face fell in my palms and tears rolled out into my mouth. They both held me closer. The air stiffened and I wish Allah will take me.

"I don't want to go. I hate therapy. I hate everything."

"Son, please, you have to go." she said holding my hands. Gegly tapped my shoulder and said. "You need to do this to get back the life you've missed. You're healing, let's complete it."