Between What If

1

~If love makes us crazy then I'm a pure psychotic menace. Admit me.

- Author
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Madeline***

 They drive each other away with each fight over nothing. It's the same old shit, day in and day out.

 Nonsense. 

That's all it is.

What became of the love they used to have for one another? The love they used to shower one another with. 

Gone, like it was never there. Like every kiss, every touch, every meaningful word between them, never existed.

The fire and heat that was passion on steroids, only a small speck of the emotional train waiting to wreck, had done better by derailing and crashing into the impending depths of heartache. Diminished into dust. Not even broken pieces to pull back together.

Now all that remains are the ashes that float mindlessly between breaths.

Breathing.

Breathing used to feel so even and euphoric only because he was near. Comforting just knowing he was close, the comfort she felt just by his presence alone, now only a distant memory of a time when love was the only thing she and he knew. 

When did it turn to this sour taste in their mouths, like the morning breath of a binged night out? 

Metallic rust is an awful flavor like sucking on a penny could make it taste any better. 

Nothing she ever felt with him had ever tingled with this type of despair. 

They talk like they are enemies. They listen to each other never, only when the other has a reason to argue about something. Then again still not either is hearing anything but the distaign.

 It's enough to set off a form of attention that is nothing but defensiveness. Because no matter whose on what end there is no team anymore.

They play on opposite sides of the field. 

No one wins.

Nonsense. 

Relationships fail and relationships fall prey to wandering relations. She was the victim of his extracurricular out till the sun came up moments. Sometimes early into the next day even. 

Those were the worst. The ones when the morning came but he stayed gone. 

What had she done to deserve this treatment from him? Stepping out on her all the time, with the assurance he would return shortly.

He just was going to the store this just one of the excuses.

She began to think this store and its location were somewhere in Mexico. Far from their home in   California .

Even still, while he paraded around like a bachelor who was scouting for his one and only, she was always faithful. She loved him. Only him. She never went anywhere that wasn't out of the agenda.

Eventually, she lost touch with friendships only to become a shell of who she used to be. The love she had for him blinded her to her own destructiveness in herself. That brought on depression, anxiety, and never trusting, but valid in not doing so.

Her outlook on life turned ugly and she became someone who was still kind and held compassion towards others, yet was spiteful and found that any female companionships gave her anxiety.

  Never to trust them alone with him. With this being her view on things in her life, she was unable to have friendships because they never held up, her worry would always put an end to it.