The Bad Guys ~ ONESHOTS

4 AM IN THE RAIN

"I hope you're kidding me," Diane said, tempted to slam the door shut in his face.

"What? I feel like it's a pretty good present." Wolf held up the Zumpango Diamond with a grin. Diane just managed to stop herself from shouting at him. This was not going to be good for his reputation. Not. Good. At. All.

"Wolf. Wolf. Wolf." Diane shook her head in exasperation. "This is crazy. I haven't seen you for literally two weeks. Then you show up outside my door at four in the morning, when it's raining. Look at you. You're soaked." She had to admit, his ruffled wet fur and smooth smile were pretty cute. But he was still standing out in the rain at 4 am. Not that she had any intention of letting him in to flood her house.

"Yeah, uh, you going to let me in, Diane? Not complaining, I know I probably look pretty handsome standing out here in the rain, but – "

Diane held up her hand. "Let's not go there." She looked him up and down, then she sighed in irritation. "Fine, fine! Come in!" She opened the door wide, stepping aside as he trudged in. He squeezed out some of his cream coloured jacket's water, and it dripped onto the floor.

"No, this isn't going to work." She looked around. "Do you have any spare clothes? How did you even get here, anyway? I didn't see your car out there."

Wolf was shivering now. Diane was tempted to go hug him to help warm him up, but he was still soaked. "I walked," he said smoothly.

"Funny. Real funny."

Silence.

"Um, I wasn't joking," Wolf said after a while. Diane groaned.

"Of course you weren't. All right." She walked to her bedroom chest of drawers, pulled out a spare dressing gown, t-shirt and pyjama pants, then returned, shoving them at Wolf. "Take this and change into it. Preferably before my house drowns, please. You can put the wet clothes in the bathtub."

Wolf grinned at her. "Thanks," he said, tossing the Zumpango Diamond onto the nearby table, then disappearing into the bathroom. After a while he poked his head back out, no shirt on and a smirk plastered on his face. "Did you say something?"

Diane pointedly looked at the wall. "Nope."

Once he had finally shut the door, she went over to her phone with a sigh. She probably should have expected this from Wolf. This sort of insane thing. She still had no idea why he was here or why he'd stolen the Zumpango Diamond.

Maybe I'll call the others. They could explain. I bet they know why he's here.

Diane quickly dialled the number, and after a few moments, it stopped ringing. Someone had answered. Which was rather surprising, seeing as it was four in the morning.

"Hi, it's Diane, Wolf just showed up and he – "

Snake's voice cut her off, just as he roared, "GUINEA PIGS ARE DELICIOUS!" Then the line went dead.

Diane rolled her eyes, trying again. Snake answered again, mumbling something like, "I didn't steal no Push Pop. I didn't eat no guinea pig. I'm innocent. Don't lock me up. I just ate Piranha. No harm done. Wait, no. Shark ate me. Because I ate the Push Pop. Goodnight."

Snake had hung up yet again.

"Oh for heaven's sake." Diane tried one last time, and luckily Webs answered this one.

"Hi, sorry, never call at four in the morning, Snake isn't a morning kind of person."

There was a muffled 'Shut up', from the other side of the phone. If it hadn't been so early – or late, whatever it was – Diane probably would have laughed.

"It's fine," Diane assured her friend. "I was just wondering, because Wolf just turned up outside my door about five minutes ago in the rain – apparently he walked. Anyway, he has the Zumpango Diamond, so I was wondering – "

"Oh, that thing?" Webs interrupted her. "Don't worry, it's not the Zumpango Diamond. It's just one shaped like it from a jewellers. Wolf got it for you."

Diane laughed. "Somehow imagining Wolf at a jewellers is an interesting thought."

"Hey, he wanted it to be perfect," Webs said. "Anyways, tell him that Shark'll let him in sometime tomorrow whenever he gets home."

"Hang on," Diane said. "If it isn't the Zumpango Diamond, what is it?"

"I just said that it's – "

"I meant, why does he have it? That's it. Sorry."

There was a pause from the other side of the phone, and then a slow, "Uhhhh", from Webs and a cackle of laughter from Snake.

"Idiot, Wolfy's in looooove with you!" Snake's voice said not-that-quietly down the phone. "He's going to ask you on a dateeee!"

Diane was, for once, lost for words.

"Woah, Snake, chill. Don't give away my master plan for the biggest heist of my life." Wolf appeared beside her, and she jumped. How long had he been standing there?

"Which is?" Diane raised an eyebrow.

"To steal your heart."

Diane was pretty sure he already had, but she couldn't help but laugh and roll her eyes. "Suave," she commented.

"Wolf and Diane, sitting in a tree – " Snake began in a singsong through the phone.

Wolf grabbed the phone, saying into it, "Hey, buddy. Have a good sleep." Then he hung up. He glanced at Diane, who was somehow finding the popcorn ceiling above them extremely fascinating.

"Uh, yeah, I'll just, uh, go now. Bye." Wolf made a beeline for the door, but Diane quickly stepped in front of him, blocking his way.

"Firstly," she said, holding up a paw, "You are not going out there in the pouring rain at 4:10 am with my clothes on."

Wolf tilted his head, his grin starting to return. Diane couldn't help but think of how adorable he looked like that. "And the second thing is?" he asked.

"Secondly, would you like to go on a date with me?"

They both stared for each other for a while before Wolf replied.

"I'll have to check my busy schedule. Who knows, I might have to miss it to go annoy Chief Luggins," he said, but his tone was teasing. A smile started to spread across Diane's face.

"Actually, no, I just realized," she said, "The Governor couldn't possibly date a criminal. Not even one as handsome as you."

"Oh, really?" Wolf moved closer towards her, and Diane could feel his breath on her face. She looked up into his eyes, stomach fluttering as he grinned his smug grin. "Looks like you'll have to make an exception."

Diane reached forwards towards him, and then –

"DIANE AND WOLF, SITTING IN A TREEEEEEEEEEEEE, K – "

"SNAKE!" Wolf and Diane roared at once. There was laughter from the nearby phone.

"I thought you hung up on him!" Diane said to Wolf accusingly. He spread his arms, annoyed.

"I did!" he retorted. "Snakey! How long were you listening?"

"Ever since you hung up." Snake laughed through the phone manically. "Yeah, Webs sure does come in handy sometimes."

"WEBS!" Wolf and Diane shouted.

"Hey, what can I say?" Webs' voice said over the speaker, crackling slightly. "Being an expert hacker can be useful sometimes."