jesus x reader

The meet

Tw:
.British Draco Malfoy
.Mentions of australians
.Cannbialism

It's 2022 and y/n decided this year was going to be different. They weren't going to hide anymore. This year was THEIR YEAR.

Y/n sat up to turn their blaring alarm off at 6am, grumbling and rubbing their eyes violently.
They got out of bed and immediately fell to the floor due to dehydration and lack of bitches.
Standing up slowly, they looked at their reflection, deciding it was pointless to brush their hair and instead going back to sleep. On the floor.

"Y/N WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU ACTUAL WHORE NO ONE EVEN LIKES YOU" Y/n's older brother yelled and dragged them out of their pathetic room to go have breakfast. However, Y/n was much more interested at the TV than the cereal in their bowl.

When they got to college, their earphones had almost exploded due to the sheer volume of the my chemical romance blasting in Y/n's ear, but they were too much of a badass to care.
Their bestfriend, Draco Malfoy slapped them on their small petite head and exclaimed
"Wassup my g??? what's good??"
Y/n laughed and the two of them walked to their first class, Math.

Although Y/n was smaller than most people in their year, they were by far the smartest and could shit on a peice of paper and get an A for it. Draco on the other hand could write shakespeare and probably get shat on.
Draco was also a cannibal.

"Bruv what is this?" Draco gasped
"huh?" Y/n raised an eyebrow
"my g i got another F on our last test"
"literally how? didn't you revise for like 12 hours?"
"ahlie?"

Their teacher, The green m&m, walked into class and started talking about fractions but at some point Y/n gave up and instead stared at their enemy, Jesus christ. Jesus sat at the front of the class, always paying attention. The two of them had a rivalry neither of them fully understood, but they didn't need to. All they needed to know was that they hated eachother.
Although, Y/n couldn't help but admit that Jesus was, well, irresistible...
His long brown hair that swooped cleanly under his sharp jawline, his slight peach fuzz, his deep, dark eyes and his brown skin that seemed to have never even heard of a pimple. (jesus wasn't white fuck you)
Y/n shook their head at these thoughts, (urges, really) and continued to despise him.

One day, Y/n was eating lunch with their friends: Draco Malfoy, Alexander Hamilton, Pinkie Pie, and that one girl from 'life is strange' idk i forgot her name.
(funfact i share a birthday with Rachel from life is strange and i'm also blonde??? i'm basically her)
Y/n was nibbling on her panini gently
(do americans have paninis? i was on a call with my gf once and they didn't know what a panini was??)

"For fucks sake please stop talking about the US civil war i will pay you please" Pinkie pie pleaded as Alexander went on and on.
Draco inhaled his sausages and proceeded to talk about his daddy issues even though it was very clear no one gave 2 shits.
Y/n dramatically whipped out their eyeliner and was applying it perfectly without a mirror because they're too good for mirrors, when they noticed Jesus staring at them? wtf?
Y/n shot him a glare and continued to apply their eyeliner.

"Are australians real?" Harry potter poked Draco in the eyes, completely blinding him, while asking a peculiar question
"nah, they're like that imaginary stuff, innit?"
Draco ignored his bleeding eyes.

"what the fuxk did they put in that sandwich?"
Harry sat next to Draco and pointed at Y/n's panini
"Dunno" Y/n shrugged it off
"oh i put an arm in there, that's why it's a bit chewy" Draco said nonchalantly
"huh?😀"

And then they never spoke about it again.

Y/n was walking to class when all of a sudden, Jesus pinned them to a wall, glaring
"what the fuck bro" Y/n struggled
"Listen" Jesus commanded

to be continued