Safe Place

01

ZARA

Yes. I'm eighteen and still virgin.
But I hated the word 'virgin'
Everyone acted as so a man's dick would change a woman's body. That's exactly why I'm a virgin and I'm staying as one.

For. The. Rest. Of. My. Life

"ZARA." I heard my mom yell on the other side of my bedroom door.

"Mmmm," I mumble, slowly taking the covers off me as I rolled off my bed in distress. I was never a morning person.

Another day of living my horrible, miserable life.
But this. My first day of college to have the normal experience in school I have been waiting for my whole life, where I didn't have to be an embarrassment.

I grab a bunch of empty water bottles lying on my night stand, gathering 2 in each hand. I start to head over to my door thats decorated with Polaroids of my best friend and I in slow, tired steps.
Mae is the closest thing I have to a sister and I truly think I would do anything in this world to be by her side for the rest of my life, she always is there for me and she is that one person that would risk anything to see her loved ones smile. I really admire that about her.
She's the most compassionate person I've ever met.

"Can't be late on your first day of school, Zara." My brother walks over to me with his shirt barely over his head yet.

"No fucking shit, Jameson." I bounced back giving him a side eye.

My brother and I have never had a good relationship. I've always wanted a big brother that would be my other half and my best friend. But I've gotten one that has done nothing but put me down.

"Zara, shut the fuck up." Mom told me for my harsh language. Yup, my mom is a pretty aggressive person and that's probably where I got my aggressiveness from. Which is probably the only thing we have in common since she is the exact same person as my brother, if anything, shes worse.

I speed over to the kitchen throwing away my trash in a hurry. I've always hated school. I was that one girl sitting in the corner of class with headphones on, I would be the girl in the cafeteria that- cafeteria? I mean bathroom. I would eat my lunch in the bathroom because I hate large crowds.
I hate people to say the least.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

I find the closest pair of some baggy shorts next to me shoving them on, I can't even process that I'm in college because I'm not at that maturity level yet.... But I'll eventually get to that point after fulfilling my college experience.

I always grew up thinking "when I'm 18 I'm going to move out of my house and live my dream life."
I'm still at home living with my insane brother and my mom.

Life couldn't get any worse.

I ran down the stairs rushing out of the house so I won't be able to hear my family's judgement on how I look.

But no, of course I have to hear this infuriating voice that makes me want to shoot myself 38 times right in the head. Or maybe just shoot my ears so I won't have to listen to my family one more time.
"You look like a whore." Jameson yelled from the kitchen.

I see my mom coming towards me in the corner of my eye. "What are you wearing?"
I sigh in distress. This is exactly what I was expecting from them.

My shorts fully cover my ass and are honestly up to my knees and yet I get some judgment on them?
"She seeks attention, Mom. Just look at her." My brother laughs at me hysterically.

"Go change. Now!" My mom screams into my face.
I put my head down rethinking my existence as I stare into the wooden floors walking back up to my room.

What the fuck was I expecting?
I hated my family.
They manipulate me every chance they get.
They wake me up acting all nice. But I love them and I don't know how I could possibly love such maniacs then hate them the next second.

"Oh, good morning, Zara."
"We love you so much."
"We need you, Zara."
"You're the sun in our family."

It's all an act that I'm being submissive in. It's like a spell they have put on me.

I forgive and forget with my family.
They could ruin the thing I love most in life and I would still forgive them. But when a friend even lies to me I find myself being a very unforgiving person.
Well family comes first as everyone else says.

Ever since my dad left me when I was 9, my family became a mess, I miss him so fucking much. He brought so much light in my family and made me feel like the only star in the sky.

The exact opposite of my mom and brother.
My mom mentally abused my dad when I was younger, causing him to leave. We went to court when I was around 12 but my mom got full custody of me, I try to text my dad sometimes when I have free time but I never told my mom. I secretly snuck out the house to visit him last year but I haven't seen him since.

If my mom ever knew she would abandon me.

I ran up the stairs trying my hardest not to let even the smallest tear fall because I know that I'm strong and I can fight back. I do fight back sometimes.. but most of the time I just break down. I'm so emotional, it's embarrassing and I just hate how I take everything so personal. My dad has always taught me to let my feelings out becuase it's a normal thing to do. If only he was right next to me giving that same energy again.

I went back down the stairs in tight fitted jeans that smoothed my curves. I was pretty proud of my body, my family body shamed me for years which made me do secret workouts in my room at night.

Yeah. It's kinda sad. Well that's what people told me when they found out.
But confidence is key, I guess.

I started pacing towards the door. Then heard a small whisper coming from the living room.
I tiptoed to the entrance of the room to hear
my mom and Jameson murmuring about something. Something about me?

"She has to go."
"It'll be better off for her."
"You mean for us?"
"How will we tell her?"
"After school?"
"She already has to leave that school anyways."

That's all I was able to hear over the distinct whispers from the distance, what the fuck were they talking about?
Leaving school?

"What are you guys talking about?" I question while slowly creeping into the room.

"Go to school" My brother said, his dark brown hair all messy and raggedy.
I move up closer to the couch and rest one of my legs on the cushion.
"Seconds ago you were saying word for word 'She already has to leave that school anyways' What do you mean, Jameson." I mock his words.

"Zara, Go to school and stop lurking around and mind your fucking business." My mom said on the other couch beside Jameson.
I raise my leg of the couch and pace towards my mom.
"Mind my business? You guys are talking about leaving, so instead of telling me later how about you tell me now. Look around it's just us, it's the perfect time to break the news." I manage to say with a relieved breath, proud that I'm finally sticking up for myself.

"Just tell her mom, She's already going to find out sooner or later." Jameson said eyeing our mom with a little bit of darkness in his dark brown eyes.

My mom gave me a side eye while saying the sentence I never wanted to hear.

"You're going to boarding school."

Fuck

My

Life.

WRITERS NOTE
Okay.. first chapter. This was kind of scary to write because this is my first book ever.