How To Fit A Misfit?

Chapter 14: Scars To Your Beautiful

I'm dying!!!!! I can't give the speech
There are so many people, so so so many people.

I feel like I'll throw up. My stomach is clenching, my heart is doing somersaults.
I can't handle all this. I'm not suppose to be here.

***

One by one, as the students were finishing their speeches, my panic was increasing. Susan and Emily were there but they can't be of any help in such situations.

My turn was coming nearer. I'm not even thinking about winning, I just wanna return home alive.

Mr. Martz gave me a thumbs up from the audience as I was standing up to give my speech. I like the way he trusts me but that always gets me into trouble.

I took I deep sigh as I reached the podium. I was seriously about to throw up.

About one-fourth of the audience appeared uninterested but the other half was impressively attentive. I took another deep sigh as I began my speech.

As I spoke I decided not to look at the audience instead look at the corners of the hall, I steadily rotated my head from one corner to the other, to give an appearance like I was actually addressing the audience.

My heart was somersaulting, I was seriously wishing to put it out of my body for sometime.

I fumbled in between. I'm useless. Why?.... Why? I wanna go home!!!!

The rest of the speech went well.

After the speech, I wanted to cry. For some reason I just wanted to cry.

But after all it's over, it's finally over. I went to the washroom to relax and wash my face.

***

It was time for the results.

I came 'fourth'.

To be honest, I'm happy. It feels weirdly nice. I know I didn't win neither I made it to the top three but it feels good, it feels like an accomplishment.

I never knew that I could speak infront of so many people without fainting. It feels different.

***

I excitedly joined Susan and Emily.

One very important thing that I need to learn in my life is that I should stay away from both of these girls everytime I'm happy.

"Hey guys!!" I said cheerfully.

"C'mon Haze, we can't even bet at you."
Susan commented.

"Just kidding." She added after a pause.

I gave a small chuckle.

"But everything was so he'll boring. I literally slept the entire time." Emily said.

"Did you hear my speech?" I asked

"Nope, sorry, can't control my sleep in such terribly boring events."

"And Susan you?" I asked turning towards her.

"I did, but you lost so what's the point of all of this?"

" Oh,I feel good, I spoke publically for the first time. I didn't faint!!" I replied.

"You came fourth. That's what people see and that's what matters."

"Maybe you're right." I said with a shrug.

I actually had no idea what to say. People have different notions of success. Like Susan almost every person present in the hall would find my happiness stupid. But I never wanted to win. I wanted to successfully speak without having a panic attack. I wanted to show myself that I'm stronger than my anxiety. Now, if I achieved it but still was unable to find my place in the top three or I was still not able to satisfy the notion of success of people around me, should I feel bad about it? Should I regret? Am I still a failure? Am I actually stupid to be happy?

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Do drop your comments regarding Hazel's fourth position.
Thanks for reading.