A secret hidden deep

6 months earlier: break

"The lesson is over, grab your books, make your homework and I'll see you next lesson" the teacher looks around the room eying every single student probably hoping they will make their homework she comes to my side of the classroom and gives me a smile which I return, everybody quickly grabs their stuff together and leave the room, loudly talking. I've never understood why they can use their voice so loudly, without a care in the world. I slowly close my book, first day has been hell this far. The math teacher is an ass and English was boring, now social study's, that was interesting but the teens are rude to the teacher. I close my bag and walk out the room. If this will be school for the next year I'll die of boredom. I slowly walk trough the hallway, my eyes on the ground. People pass me, not paying attention to me at all. A good thing I guess...I'm not noticeable. I get to my locker and open it, I see Alice and jasper with some other people standing a few lockers away. Would that be their siblings? I put my books in it and grab my lunch money. Maybe I should buy jasper and Alice a cookie, they where nice after all. "Hey y/n! Would you like to sit with us at lunch?" Alice's happy voice fills the air, The sudden voice makes my heart bounces in my chest and with shaky hands I look at her. She smiles at me and says: "I'm sorry din't mean to scare you!" "No w-worries..." I smile back, maybe she will be my friend? She slightly tilts her head, "would you like to?" I quickly nod while closing the locker. "Yes I'd love that" "alrighty come on then!" She happily skips over to her siblings, I quietly follow, putting one of my headphones in, it's loud in the hallway and I feel myself starting to get overwhelmed. I stop a few meters from the group and try to count the dots on the floor. Would they actually want me here or are they just trying to be nice? "Hello y/n" the sudden voice pulls me out of my thoughts and with a tense jaw I look up, I'm chewing on my tongue, I see jasper slightly smiling, I smile back and next to him a different, tall boy say: "let's eat, we can get to know each-other there" I nod, a bit unsure, we walk trough the hallway, me more sort of following them because I don't know the way yet. The boys talk loudly and from all the sides people run and scream, not necessarily at us but to each other. Everyone is happy that it's break-time. When we reach the cafeteria one really tall, with probably a lot of muscle says while walking with the blonde girl: "I'll grab our places, you'll do our food right Eddie?" A different boy nods and I follow Alice to the line. It's even louder here and I feel my heart pound. I feel like I'm being watched...I know it's probably in my head but I don't like the feeling. I chew on my lip while I'm watching Alice and Jasper talking. I grab a lunch tray and grab one apple. If I want to buy three cookies and buy dinner for Toby I can only buy an apple and maybe water. I grab the bottle and three cookies and walk over to the lady. She looks down at my tray and smiles: "new girl...it'll be 3 dollars, you get the apple from me, see it as some...new comers gift" I smile a bit "thank you" I pay the money and walk away. Alice and Jasper are patiently waiting for me, I follow them, they smile, "ready y/n?" Alice twirls, I nod. I'm anxious but this is a chance I cant ignore. We walk trough the cafeteria, this time the eyes that I feel burn are there, and the wishpers are loud: what a weirdo... what is she doing with the cullens...strange person...what a freak... she seems interesting....why is she walking like that? The voices get louder and louder and I feel my hands shake a bit and I'm happy when we reach the table. I sit down next to Jasper. "Let's introduce each other" Alice's voice is happy, "so you already know me, so ehmm why not start with rose?" "I'm Rosalie....I don't like new people so..." I look up just for a second. Taking in the blonde girls face for a second. She sounds annoyed...it doesn't surprise me...the girls in my old school who looked like her where all bitches... maybe it's just something with looks and personality? Can't be true...right? "I'm Emmett, and I do like new people...and I love racing in my car" I look at his face and then look down for a second. He's kinda scary. Not because he's scary he seems kind...he's the one to safe the table...but probably because he has so many muscles...my dad did to...no I shouldn't compare them. But why do I?, I feel myself calm down and I don't really understand it but I embrace it. I take a deep breath and look up again, this time to who Emmett called "Eddie" he smiles "I'm Edward...it's nice to meet you" I nod while trying to smile a bit. One thing I'm clearly not good at. Smiling when I don't think it's funny...or in this case for meeting people and making them feel....what do they call it? Oh yea at ease... "I think you met everyone...so tell them about you y/n" Alice's voice is Shirpy while she makes a weird handmove. I think Toby would really love Alice..he'd call her tinker bell "I'm y/n but I guess you already knew that...eh l-l-like eh...what was your name again?" I turn my head to the blonde girl while avoiding eye contact "Rosalie" "thank you" I look back at the tray "I don't like new p-people" I hear them grin and then if I'm right Emmett asks: "so...you got any siblings? Or hobby's...or...i don't know...tell us more" "oh eh..I have a little brother...his name is Toby...he's seven... eh we like to draw and skate..." "you said we...got any hobby's without him?" The guys called Edward tilts his head slightly, "eh...I guess writing and music...but I'm around my brother a lot so yea" my voice is quit and no one says a thing. I grab the apple and take a bite...I'm actually a little bit hungry today...I mean I haven't eaten since last night...but normally it doesn't bother me as much and maybe it's because this apple is super red...basically the only apples I love... after my piece of apple I fidget with my fingers a bit...I have to ask if I want friends...In therapy I learnt: just ask...quickly.. how hard can it be right?...I guess so hard...I can't read those social clues...what if I ask it in the wrong way? Or...what what if they hate me right away... I take a deep breath and with a shaky voice I finally ask: "s-so eh do you g-guys have any h-h-hobby's?" "Ah yes we do" Jasper smiles and I feel myself calm down again. "I like riding my horse..." "and I like shopping and styling clothes" Alice grins and Edward says while shaking his head: "I like to play the piano...and of course simply gaming and reading" I nod "I like gaming and skating...you know on those in-line skates..." Emmett grins and Rosalie says: "I like doing my make-up...you did a grate job asking the question" I look at her questionable she smiles Slightly: "I noticed your shaking voice...and the avoiding eye contact...meeting new people can be scary" I nod not knowing what to say. She is right...it is scary...but for them it maybe gets easier to talk but not for me...yea when I know them for like years I can talk a bit more...but no...normally not...and definitely not this stupid small talk...who has invented small talk cause that guy should be burned at the stake...well maybe that's a bit to harsh..but ehhh. I hear a slight laugh and look up, Edward smiles and quickly says: "sorry..Alice said something funny..." it happened again...I got in my head... "so what's your favourite movie?" He looks over to Emmett "maybe it's frozen like Emmett his favourite movie" "hey! It's not my favourite movie...I just like the way they made it" I grin at his childlike voice and meet his eyes "I like Mulan more..."