peanut butter & profanities [larry stylinson] ✅

i.

"If you don't move that fucking jar of peanut butter from in front of my face in about two seconds, your ass is going to be served on a platter." Louis threatened his 9 year old peer angrily, ignoring the heavy sounds of gasps and sighs coming from the students circled around the lunch table. He was only in the fifth grade and his steady streak of using profanity has increased as the years passed by, though it only occurred when someone in his class either:

α) did something incredibly dumb or
b) brought peanut butter around him.

He hated peanut butter.

But the thing that he hated even more than the thought of sticking peanut butter into his small mouth and dying a slow, yet painful, death was the one and only 9 year old peer sitting next to him with peanut butter surrounding the upper and bottom part of his lips: Harry Edward Styles. Louis Tomlinson hated this green eyed boy with all his heart (some believe that he lacked one) and it was all because he constantly brought a jar of peanut butter to school along with four slices of toasted bread, milk (only 2%, who does that?), and a plastic knife (Louis would like to stab him in the throat with it). He was just all kinds of annoying.

"Mrs.Adeline says that we can't use that word in this school, Lou!" Harry said curiously, his eyes glowing down at Louis with all types of admiration as he sat back in his blue chair with his peanut butter sandwhich smushed between his chubby fingers. He gruesomely stuck a finger in his mouth to suck away the brown substance and Louis growled to himself, crossing his arms obnoxiously. "My mummy says that you'll get your mouth washed with soap by using the p-pruh-pro-"

"Profanity, Harry." Mrs.Adeline completed for the angel of a boy (that's Harry) , then glaring down at the devil sitting next to him (that's Louis). "And instead of having soap pushed into Louis' mouth, we will be having a conference with his mum and yours Harry. You deserve an apology for what Louis has said to you, right?"

Harry scrunched up his nose and surprisingly shook his head, glancing at Louis who had his head lowered so that he was looking at the classroom floor that was littered with food from trays. "I don't know, Mrs.Adeline. Lou doesn't mean it, he just doesn't like that I pack peanut butter or something. Maybe he's allergic!"

"Are you allergic, Louis?" asks Mrs.Adeline, causing Louis to roll his eyes with annoyance.

"No."

Harry frowned. "Then what's so bad about it? C'mon try it."

"No."

Louis watched as Harry picked up his jar of peanut butter and wiggled it next to his chubby face happily, tilting his head to the side when he saw that Louis' face remained grim and unchanging. "It's really good! Here I'll even let you stick your finger in it, I do it all the time!"

If looks could kill, this pubescent boy sitting next to Louis would've been out cold as if it was already nap time. He was letting the bottle of peanut butter inch towards Louis' slender face by the second, and Mrs.Adeline only watched with appreciation, unaware of the way Louis began to clench and unclench his tiny hands so that they were forming fists. It was when Harry placed the open jar on the side of his cheek that Louis finally snapped, his fist connecting to Harry's green eye until he fell out of the seat (and jesus his crying was so loud and annoying).

"Louis Tomlinson!" Mrs.Adeline yelled lividly, running over to a crying and distressed Harry who still managed to have his hand wrapped around the peanut butter for dear life. "I am calling your parents!"

And if the rest of the kids in the classroom oohed and ahed in response to Louis Tomlinson getting in trouble, then that simply wasn't his problem.

(♡˙︶˙♡)

"Also, Louis' extensive use of curse words have gotten him in trouble in every single class he attends! He even punched Harry in his eye after he so gratefully offered him peanut butter, and I need to know what actions you will be doing to reassure that this never happens again!" Ms.Adeline argued, looking between Louis' mum and Harry's parents with her hands on her dainty hips, though her looks were completely different (Harry's parents: empathetic and grateful / Louis' parents: judgmental and angry).

Louis zoned out as his mother began to reply to Ms.Adeline, glancing towards Harry with a raised eyebrow as he smiled at Louis, as if sticking an ice pack to his forming black eye made by the caramel haired boy was a gift instead of a punishment. Harry gestured towards his eye with his pointer finger and mouthed the word, oops, covering his mouth to hide his giggle. Louis found himself smiling, despite how much hatred he had for Harry Styles, and mouthed back a silent hi. The friendly gesture made Harry's eye(s) light up like a Christmas Tree, and he looked away and continued to kick his legs in the air while sitting in the too-tall chair.

"I would like to like to point out the fact that not only does my son have a black eye, but he has been harassed by your son several times Mrs.Tomlinson." Harry's father, whose name Louis thinks is Xavier, stated carefully while rubbing his wife's back for comfort. Anne, Harry's mother, nodded with agreement and caressed her son's cheek without looking away from the black that ringed around Harry's eye. "Louis has cut my son's hair–"

"I liked-ed it, daddy!" Harry interrupted, causing his father to glare and for him to go silent.

"He has thrown the peanut butter jar we usually pack for Harry at his forehead, and we had to get the bump checked out to make sure he was going to be okay–"

Jay blinked. "Maybe he had a perfectly good reason."

Anne gasped and stared down at Louis with disdain, looking back at his mother. "Harry isn't the one to start fights! Your son has been torturing him for the longest time and I am honestly sick of it! If this school wasn't so opposed to expulsion, I would've had your boy out of here."

Louis found himself sinking lower and lower into his seat, practically feeling the disappointment radiating off of his mother as she continued to speak calmly on behalf of Louis. "I am truly sorry Mrs.Cox–"

Sounds like cocks, Louis thought to himself jokingly. He didn't realize that he'd said it aloud until the gasps he'd come to know and love filled the room like the many other times he used profanity when he was around adults, and he frowned when he felt Anne's hand grip his arm as if she was afraid that he would get attacked by the other adults. God, he didn't even know what cocks meant. He had just heard it from his older brother Liam and combined sounds. Socks, rocks, blocks, cocks!

"What's a cock, mummy? It sounds like socks!" Harry said energetically, his tiny mind too focused on having learned a new word rather than the horrific looks on all of the adults faces, looking at his red-cheeked father. That's what I said! Louis thought. Well, thought.

"Where does your son learn these words, Ms.Tomlinson?" Mrs.Adeline spat. "Is it from you?"

Jay coughed. "No, he has an older brother who has a really bad cursing habit. I'm sorry to say that he just catches onto it sometimes."

"Do you believe in disciplining your child? Maybe you can teach him not to hurt a peer for offering peanut butter!" Xavier argued, his olive skin turning a furious red. "What's with his dislike towards peanut butter anyways?"

Silence.

Louis bit the inside of his cheek and suddenly Jay was tugging him out of the chair and bending over to pull on his black vest, ignoring the angered looks she was getting from the adults as she took her time to button it. She took her own jacket and let it hang off her shoulder before taking Louis' tiny hands and tugging him towards the exit.

"Are we going home, mummy?" Louis whispered as they walked towards the door.

Jay was cut off by a high pitched voice, that was laced with both cuteness and kindness: "Bye-Bye, Lou! I'll see you tomorrow! I hope you'll like peanut butter one day!"

Louis could only smile.

NOTE: credit for the story idea goes to: @gerardbaby !! thank you for allowing me to take this