Can You See Me Now?

1.

"I can't move shit, Heejun! This is pointless!"

"Will you relax? You've only been dead for a week!"

Right, a week. Time feels a bit differently when you're dead. It feels like it's been ages. I can hardly remember what threw me into the express lane towards ghost city. Hell, I can't even remember anything from the time I was alive. Heejun says it's normal for ghosts like me to forget about ourselves when we've experienced a tragic life or death. Don't remember why. Something about it being God's last gift to our pitiful selves.

"Forget it, I don't want to do this anymore," I walked away from him, "It's stupid."

"Ah come on! Don't you want to scare some poor bastards?"

Heejun has been stuck in the veil for years now. He's strong enough to make tables shake, shatter glass, throw objects across halls, and even make the occasional apparition to some poor fuck that stays the night as a dare. He says it makes us ghosts stronger each time we manage to scare someone. Don't know how that works, and frankly I do not care. To put it simply, if we can't interact with the living, our soul slowly fades away into the empty. We cease to exist. Worst case scenario, we go crazy after years of agony and eventually become a hunter's target. It's an incredibly slow and painful (second) death to be eliminated by hunters. Or so Heejun says. So, being forgotten is the worst thing that can happen to someone like us. That's why we need to do the occasional harmless haunting: to keep our presence known, to keep ourselves from disappearing into the empty. Or going crazy. Our food is fear, our end is neglect, as Heejun puts it.

"Kangta! Wait!"

I ignored him. It's not like I'm doing this on purpose. I know the stakes. I just can't do it. It's embarrasing that I can't even make a stupid pencil move. How in the hell am I supposed to make contact with the living if I can't get a damn pencil to move? My soul will disintegrate into nothingness if I keep this shit up.

"Hey, Stop!" Heejun blocked my path and raised his palm to meet my eyeline, "Now."

I froze. I hated it when he did that.

"Show off," I scoffed.

Heejun smiled. He could only hold me for a couple of seconds. He isn't strong enough to keep me contained for long. But it is a handy trick.

"Okay, listen to me," Heejun put his hand down, " I know this is frustrating, but you need to focus! You still have time. You need to control your emotions or y-"

"Or you'll end up a hunter target," I mocked Heejun's parental tone.

"Right," Heejun sighed, "take a breather. We'll try again in a few hours, okay?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, try again, fail again."

I walked away. I could feel Heejun's eyes following my every step. I tried to ignore it, but something about his glare made me feel uneasy. I stopped at my door. I met his stare right before entering. And there it was. Pity. His eyes filled with pity. Each time I looked into his eyes, his pupils filled with sadness. Don't know why. Didn't want to know either. I just knew the reason behind those pitiful stares could drive me insane. And be the end of me. Literally.

He disappeared before I could tell him to fuck off. Guess he knew he was making me upset. I shrugged it off before walking through my door. The only trick I've managed to learn so far. I could move room through room by relaxing enough to pass through solid objects. Can't seem to do the opposite though. I need to move things, not pass through them! Never thought being a ghost would be this frustrating.

I decided to lay on my bed. I needed some rest. Yeah, ghosts get tired too, y'know. We use all our energy to interact with objects, with the living. Guess there's no such thing as a 'rest in peace' after death. It's all tedious work to haunt the living.

After minutes of shuffling and kicking, I finally find a nice spot and close my eyes.  I was comfortable, but I felt restless. My mind kept playing over and over my failed attempts: the pencil, the old timey radio sitting in the recreation room, the light bulb heejun found in the basement, that old rusty wheelchair that got stuck in the elevator.  Couldn’t even touch them. Though, I do admit I was a bit ambitious thinking I could ever move that wheelchair. It’s just that, being dead, being a ghost, is all just new to me. How I am meant to relax and ‘find my inner peace’ when I still haven’t accepted the fact that I am dead. Don’t even know how I died. Who I was. How old I was... Am I really dead? Or is this just some weirdly long fever dream I’m having? How am I meant to focus when I got all of this going on in my mind. 

"Kangta."

I turn over. Heejun was awfully close to my face. His nose practically touched mine. I sighed. Personal space does not exist for Moon Heejun. It’s all free real estate. 

"What," I mumbled.

He gave me a devilish smile.

"We've got company."

“Company?” I asked.

“Two dudes just came in from the back door” He pulled me from my bed, “I was thinking, maybe you can practice on them.” 

“You want me to scare them?” I scoffed. 

“Uh, duh? What else?”

“Heejun, last time I tried doing that, I was the one who ended up getting scared.”

He must be joking. He watched me struggle with a pencil not too long ago and now he wants me to get out there and actually interact with people.

“Well, that was different. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have interfered with your haunting,” He stopped.

Heejun turned his attention at the floor. He looked like he was following something. Before I could ask what was wrong, he disappeared. 

I waited for him to return, but he was taking longer than usual. I figured he wanted me to follow him. And so I did. 

“There you are, look!” He pointed at a camara across the end of the hall. 

“Hunters?” I asked. 

“Nah, they don’t use cameras,” Heejun got closer, “probably some paranormalist or something. Y’know the scary-cat kind.” 

“Right,” I followed behind, "are these the same dudes you saw earlier? How they get over here so quickly?" 

"Yeah it's them," heejun shoved his face into the camera, "like I told you. It's the scary-cat kind. They probably ran all the way here." 

"Well, if you want me to do the dirty work. Don't mess with their stuff," I pulled Heejun away from the camera. 

He smiled, "so, you will do it? I mean, try at least?" 

"Well… It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?" 

"Right," he chuckled, "and don't worry. They may look tough, but I saw that tall one bring his own teddy bear. They'll be easy." 

I smiled, "you think they'll stay the night?" 

"Probably. If they can handle it." 

I don't know how, but Heejun probably sensed some nervousness in me. He smiled at me one more time before giving me a gentle pat on the back. He didn't have to say another word; I knew what he was saying with that simple gesture. Yeah, I've only been dead a week, but it feels like we've known each other forever.