I don't know what came over me but one second I felt like the world was falling apart and in the next I was embraced by you.
It's been so long.
It felt like I was about to shatter or maybe the pieces were already all too familiar with the floor.
It was impulsive, but I can't help but to be that way when it comes to You , I'm hoping that isn't a bad thing.
I've never wanted to shower so badly, specially when having a crisis.
I get very sad and tired sometimes and don't have the energy to live, can't brush my hair or my teeth, can't shower, I don't want to leave the bed at all.
Back to the course of this boat.
Your love lasted as long as your smell in that hoodie did, i promise i did all I could to prolong it.
"I could've done more" will replay in my head anyways tho. I shouldn't have baked with it on.
I tried to find you, desperately, but all i could feel was myself.
It would've been more dramatic if i had let my hair down.
But i think i feel sick enough with the lack of your presence.
And then,
I just let the water wash away the pain,
Temporaly at least.
I felt free for a bit.
I now get what they mean when they say "time froze"
But
We knew it wouldn't last forever, I knew.
I was hoping it would.
I didn't get enough, but it would've never been enough anyways.
Then it was over.
And I hanged your heavy self around my neck.
Pressing tightly against you.
I may have been looking for skin.
It felt like small kisses on my neck or like a very tight hug, skin tight; if you aren't 80.
When I finally had enough of not caring about the penguins, my hands got to gently scrubbing away all the traces the might have remained.
The memories still far too precious, maybe just to me.
You know I love you because my mom has begged me to hand wash and I've never had the sligthest motivation to do so.
My hands got to squeezing then,
My lips were red after,
I got all the water that I could out while being painfully frustrated for not having a drier, I really wanted to sleep with you that night.
It's been so long since I had you that close.
And then you were outside.
Alone.
Without Me.
And I was on my bed waiting, as I've been.
I don't know what I'm waiting for.
But I know,
you won't be getting that hoodie back.
-🍪
