In Your Arms

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"Do you wanna come inside?"

He looked up at me with a smirk "Took you long enough"  My jaw dropped "you were thinking it this whole time?? Why didn't you say something!" I reached over the car console to shove him playfully. "How am I supposed to invite myself into your apartment?" He questioned back defensively. "BY INVITING YOUSELF INTO MY APARTMENT!" I threw my hands in defeat. How am I so obsessed over this idiot?

I led the way to my bedroom my mind racing. Whats he going to think of my room?? Is he going to want to just talk?? Is he expecting sex?? Its been only a month since I met Christian but we just had such an instant connection. Ironically, on the first date we talked about how ridiculous love at first sight was, but I never realized how close to love at first meet I would've been in retrospect but I could never admit it to anyone. As I opened the door to my room, Christian chimed in "can I use your bathroom?" Perfect, this gave me at least a min to reassess my game plan. I looked around the room and tried to tidy it a lil but then I got a call from my dad. "I really have great timings🤦‍♀️" I thought. "Hey imma call my dad but ill be right back" I called out to Christian.

I took the call with my dad which only lasted a couple min and walked back into my room to see Christian awkwardly sitting at the corner of my bed. "Hey" I spoke as I walked in and walked up to him. I wanted to be cute and attractive but im as awkward as a bag of sand with the suave of an actual potato in comparison to him. I walked up to him and started playing with his hair. I dont know what I was thinking but all the romance movie scenes came into my head and I *TRIED* to climb on my knees into his lap. It was as if time slowed. With my added weight at the edge, my mattress gave in and my right knee was about to cause me to fall over the edge. I flailed my arms and with the grace of a seagull I leaned forward to prevent from falling backwards.  When I say this was such a terrible idea on so many levels...

With my lack of balance and flexibility, I pushed Christian back into the bad and end up falling on top of him. We laughed together but I was on his chest now so I guess it was a mission failed successfully. His arms wrapped around my waist and I felt butterflies to the point I couldnt hide my instant smile. Why is he so hotttt I cried to myself internally. "Can we get off the edge of the bed?" I suggested with a laugh which resulted in him rolling us over towards the middle laying side by side. I looked into his grey blue swirled eyes just getting lost in how wonderful it felt to be next to him. I twirling his hair in between my fingers and just running my hand thru his hair. I slowly brought it down softly tracing his beautifully sculpted jawline, a smile crept on my face as his prickly stubble ran across my fingers. I couldnt help but tracing my fingers over and over and then I reached his lips. I looked up to see his eyes looking intently at me with an expression I couldnt quite place. It was subtle but not completely stoic either. I proceed to let my fingers follow the curves of his lips my eyes falling back to his lips but still occasionally catching glimpses go his eyes to see if I could tell what he was thinking.  As I brought the pads of my fingers across his bottom lip he pressed his lips against my fingers for a soft kiss. I instinctively smiled and looked back up to see his eyes piercing mine but I still couldnt read him. 

Christian reached for my hand with his. I assumed he would just hold my hand but then he was bringing my hand lower. I guess the confusion, fear, and shock were instantly evident on my face bc he jumped to say "No nothing like that" and then let go of my hand to bring his shirt up a little. He lightly grabbed my hand and placed it on the bed next to his stomach. I smiled at how respectful he was not to force my hand on him if I wasnt comfortable with it. I dont know how I got so lucky. I looked up at him as I slowly place my hand cross his lower  stomach and softly brought my hand higher to his chest. Since we were still less than 6in apart, it was hard positioning my hand comfortably. But then my intrusive thoughts took over "Can you take of your shirt?" It was the first time in my life I myself didn't even process the words before I said it. Yes I had been wondering what he looked like shirtless since I met him and yes I have tried numerous times unsuccessfully to get him to send me pics of him at the beach but I also knew he wasnt super confident about his body!!

Christian actually blinked in surprise. RETREAT RETREAT I quickly added "Only if your comfortable obviously. Its no big deal. I really dont mind.." Chris sat up and  cut me off "you can if you want to" My heart was pounding. I couldn't get my nerves to calm down in the slightest. "Ok" I softly whispered just above my breath as a sat up and leaned towards him to pick up his shirt. I wanted to look up to see his face but my eyes were laser focused to the bottom of his shirt. I was scared if I looked up at met his eyes, I would just turn into absolute mush and the little strength I had to get this far would fall apart. I picked up the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up softly and threw it off to the side of the bed. I leaned back and was left speechless at how beautiful he was. I couldnt put words together to say anything but I couldnt pull my eyes away from his torso. It had to be a whole min before I said "you're so attractive" because it was all I could say. I pulled him into a hug and crashed our bodies back into the bed. The new warmth of his body was sending my brain haywire. My hands were roaming across his back with a mind of their own. I leaned back agains to check him out. I didn't even realize how shamelessly I was as I ran my fingers across his chest up and down slowly as it felt time was stopped.

Christian moved his hand to grab the exposed skin on my waist and gave it a slight squeeze which got my attention. "Can I do it to you too?" "What?" My dense brain was far too preoccupied to make any understanding of what he said. He tugged at the edge of my shirt and repeated "can I take your shirt off?" That was when reality slapped me across the face I instantly was thinking abt the one size too small PUSH UP bra I was wearing under this shirt that had no coverage at all and went into a panic. Thankfully it was Christian's turn to suggest if I was comfortable. "Wait can u close your eyes?"  He was taken back but obeyed my request nonetheless. I took off my shirt and saw myself in the mirror "yea def not" I slipped on a halter bikini top I wore once in public but only ever with a cover up as well and looked in the mirror. "What are you doing?" Chris asked with his eyes closed from the bed. "Listen I have to see ok just give me a sec please" I dont ever really think my ideas thru. I looked back in the mirror at my body. At least my boobs are actually covered but my eyes fell to my love handles and my stomach. I didn't think I was ugly but I couldn't get myself to do it. I sighed and as I was about to pull my shirt back over I saw Chris' and decided to put it on which fit way too well.

"Can I take it off?" I thought to myself. I sighed again and looked back at the mirror. I can't my eyes started to water at the edges no. I got back into the bed "can I open my eyes now? I lay back down facing him.  "Ok so I put on a bikini top instead but.. " I took a deep sigh and looked away.  I felt so pathetic as  I continued, "I didn't think I was this insecure about this but I can't." I felt my eyes rim with tears again. I looked down and started tracing Christian's stomach again to keep my mind distracted. I rushed "if you want to take it off you can" I looked back at him feeling so vulnerable. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly as he was listening to me. "ok" he said and he slowly ran his warm hands up my back and I felt him reach for the back of the bikini top. "What are you doing? I meant you could take my shirt off" I couldnt help but laughing at this mistake which helped calm me down. "I didn't know that. I was getting worried because bras are hard" I laughed and placed my hands against his chest again.

He sat up again and leant his hand to help pull me up as well. My nerves were getting high again. I looked down as his hands pressed against my skin as he grabbed the bottom of the shirt. He pulled up and I moved my arms above my head to let the shirt fall off. Ironically under Christians gaze I was somewhat calmed as he pulled me close. The warmth of our bodies pressed against each other was comforting. "You're perfect" Christian spoke softly against my neck and then places a soft but long kisses from my neck down across my bare shoulder . I wrapped my arms around him tighter. I could stay like his forever. His arms traced the the curves of my back. I could feel him playing with the baby hair on the bottom of my back which made me want to scream and evaporate immediately. I didn't know if it was worse to say something or ignore it. I tried to force my mind to focus on the hot man in my bed and not the million insecurities plaguing my head. I ran my hands thru his soft hair again to be immediately comforted. It was so weird how one moment my minds racing and then the next I just felt peace. I leaned against his chest letting his heartbeat calm me down. How is this real??

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