Bungou Stray Dogs ~ One-shots

[Dazai xR] See you, I love you

(Contains mentions of blood!)
    
  
It didn't matter how many times she tried. Again and again, he continued to plunge into darkness with every step he took, with every thought he had.

She couldn't count the number of times he had tried to end his life. Even if the others took this fact lightly, seeing him trying but never succeeding, Shigure didn't find anything funny about it.

Besides, Dazai was plagued by something that he couldn't get a handle on. She had tried to understand him, to show him that he had a place in this world like everyone else, but nothing helped.

A person who simply ignores the light can't be saved by a few reassuring words and a little love thrown out the window. Perhaps their membership in the Mafia didn't help matters, far from it.

Darkness reigned supreme in this man's life, since long before Shigure met him. She wasn't known for her kindness, preferring to ignore the ills of others most of the time, but with Dazai things were different.

The fact that they were often sent on missions together meant that they were bound to see each other many times. And Shigure had seen with her own eyes this man trying by all possible means to take his own life, always with that smile that was anything but genuine.

For the first time, she felt some empathy towards someone, no matter how strange it was. But how could she get him to stop wanting to kill himself, which seemed to be the very foundation of his existence?

And, above all, how to avoid falling into darkness herself, while trying in vain to save someone who apparently did not want to be saved? She had tried everything in her power, or so she hoped.

She didn't even know why. Their work was dangerous as hell, and losing her comrades was an inevitable thing. So why had she become so attached to Dazai, without knowing if he felt the same way?

She was afraid of losing herself. She loved him, undeniably and shamefully, but she couldn't stand this morbid atmosphere that radiated from him like a second skin.

How could she continue to love him if even he didn't love himself?

These were the questions she repeated to herself every time the pain gripped her heart, when she realized she was powerless against this man. Of all the missions she had accomplished, this was the only one that was, even today, unfinished.

Incomplete.

How can you love someone who hates himself? Who simply doesn't know how to live?

So, she had taken the painful decision to distance herself from Dazai. A cowardly decision, she knew it perfectly well, but which had for only objective to spare herself. In order not to have to sink too, especially with their macabre work, she had taken the decision to abandon Dazai to his sad fate.

He had not even resented her, something she had noticed by the ever more false smiles he kept sending her when they crossed each other from far. As if he was prepared for such a finality, as if he was used to this kind of thing. To be abandoned for lack of courage and determination.

As if he knew that his malaise was a part of him, a part that he could never erase and that would accompany him until his last sigh. This last sigh that he was looking for like a real treasure.

Of all the people, Dazai was the one who embodied the darkness the best, as if he was made to live in it. That's why, when the announcement of his departure had reached Shigure's ears, she had not believed it.

Dazai had left the Mafia and joined a detective agency, a few years later, directly opposed to his world of origin. Leaving the darkness of their organization behind him, as if he had finally rid himself of this second skin that was pushing him to die.