What is this feeling?
I'm friends with him,
Best friends, in fact.
Yet when I see him, my heart races.
When he talks to me, I swear I stop breathing.
I think...that it might be a crush.
Maybe even love.
So I muster up the courage to say,
"I like you."
But then she's there.
The girl he likes.
I'm downhearted.
Cast away.
Gone.
I feel empty inside.
What can I do now?
He laughs with her,
And my heart can't take anymore.
Tears well up and I remind myself that...
He was never mine.
That I could never grasp him.
I walk away, trying not to show my feelings.
I hide.
Behind my mask.
I try.
My hardest.
Then he calls out to me,
Of course,
I wait.
I will always wait.
I smile my fake smile, hiding away a million tears,
The one I'm used to.
He talks to me so easygoing.
I tell him I have to go.
I don't tell him the truth.
I tell him lies.
I tell I have to go to class.
When I really want to tell him that he's breaking my heart.
But then he tells me.
"We're dating now,"
I smile, tremble, and mutter a congratulations.
He veins so easily, it makes my heart throb.
I want him.
I want him to be with me.
But...I put these feelings aside for our friendship.
Then...she breaks up with him.
I no longer feel that throb.
Yet...he does.
But how can he smile everyday?
How can he laugh,
When he lost his spark?
The one that comes only a few times, maybe only once.
How?
How...and why?
I'm so selfish.
So despicable.
So monstrous.
I shouldn't be that way with him.
I can't.
