Omerta

Chapter 43

        I was quiet and reflective on the car ride home, but he didn't push me or say anything. I have my ups and downs throughout the day where I'm either feeling guilt over Richie's death, greif, or anger. I feel the fear of when I was clawing at that door when the fire started closing in on me. I get myself stuck in that until I snap myself out of it. 

This trauma isn't going to disappear, but for now I'm just trying to figure it out for myself. Once we pulled up to the house I went right up to my room, but Nick jogged up and caught up to me. 

"Are you sleeping with me?" he asked, tipping his head toward his room. "No, I'm sleeping in here," I thumbed at my bedroom door. "I'll sleep in here if that's what you want," he shrugged. "I meant by myself. I'm going to watch a movie and just relax," I told him. His face turned hard which meant he was mad. "And I can't join you? Is this because of Reya?" he huffed.

"What about Reya?" I asked, to see if he'd tell me straight up. He sucked his teeth at me. When I didn't back down he said, "You know what." I just shrugged in response like I hadn't a clue.

"Okay. Fine. We've fucked before, alright?" he huffed, running a hand through his hair.

"Congratulations" I saluted him sarcastically. "Don't fucking do this, Gia. I hate when you get like this," he followed me into my room. "Get like what?! You're just mad that I said I wouldn't sleep with you," I got snappy. "I wasn't even asking for sex! Fucking hell, I just said I'd come watch the movie with you and sleep here. Sleep," he clarified. 

The thing that was bubbling in my chest all day wanted to come out and I was fighting it.

        "What are we even doing Nick? I know you wanted to fuck because you said it was good and we're across the hall, so why not. And yeah I was down for that, but maybe now is the time to stop," I told him, censoring the full version of what I wanted to say. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Nick's body language got defensive and his face hardened into that scary one. 

"I think I spoke clearly enough," I refused to repeat myself. "Is this because of Reya?" he asked. He walked closer to me and grabbed my elbow for me to look at him. "Is it?" he asked in a lower voice now. We were just standing inside my doorway, but I wished I had the strength to just push him right out.

"No. I'm going to be moving out soon, and making a habit of sleeping together every night sounds like a bad idea," I looked down at my feet, so I didn't have to look at him when I said it. "You don't have to move out...I mean...what I mean is that who knows how much longer you'll need to stay. We haven't resolved any of this yet," he reminded me. 

"Nico, I can't put my life on hold for forever. I can't just live in fear or I might as well be that little girl in the painting whose got the whole world at her feet, but she's fucking caged," my voice cracked at the end. Nick sighed and tried to pull me in for a hug, but I pulled away. 

        "No! Don't hug me. Don't be nice to me," I shouted like the crazy person I'm clearly turning into. "Giada, this isn't you. This is the baggage that's talking. You don't wanna push me away," he tried still speaking to me calmly. "Yes I do. Have you forgotten that I'll be getting engaged in a few weeks," I pulled out the big guns. His hands fisted and his eyes burrowed into mine. 

"Oh you're full of shit. You don't want to get engaged. You'd be an idiot to get engaged to him," he snapped, shouting back at me now.

"Why not?! He loves me. He told me the last time I saw him before his flight," I admitted. 

Nick's jaw clenched and unclenched. "Did you say it back?" he asked. I scoffed, "None of your business," I tried ending that discussion. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "Did you say it back, Gia?" His tone was even, but deadly serious. I looked up into his gold flecked eyes and took in all his incredibly handsome features.