Omerta

Chapter 57

         For a full week Nick and I grieved together for our own losses. Him for losing his brother and me for all the trauma I've faced since the beginning of all this. And for committing murder. It was over now and we were able to feel the weight of everything that happened. We holed up together in that apartment of his, we had tons of sex, or talked about everything and nothing, and rested. We got to see versions of one another that not a single other person knew.

Yesterday we parted ways and he withdrew from me instantly. I tried getting in contact with him, but he hasn't been answering me. It was driving me crazy, but I knew why he was doing it. Mikhail was coming today. 

I didn't want Mikhail. I want Nick. Especially after this week, I felt like we connected on a whole new level that I've never connected with anyone on before. We've had so much fucked up shit happen between us, and yet we've continued to find comfort in one another. 

He kills people and I used to judge him for that, but Nick isn't dealing with good men. The men he kills have blood on their hands too. Is it a service rather than a sin to be a bad guy killing bad guys? He's violent at times, he's known to punish harshly, but haven't I been somewhat of an influence on him?

        All day today I've been pondering how I might get out of getting engaged to Mikhail, without there being too much damage. Nick could help me get out of this if he just answered his damn phone. The clock felt like a noose around my neck, as it tightened with every tick of the hand leading me closer to seeing Mikhail. I like Mikhail. I don't want to hurt him, nor do I want to dread seeing him. But I don't know how he'll react if I tell him I have feelings for someone else.

 Should I not mention that part at all about having feelings for someone else? I could just tell him I don't want to get married and leave it at that. Tick Tock. Every minute I wonder what'll come next. What'll happen? So much has happened already. I'm tired.

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        It's like I suddenly looked up and it was already time to go. We're going to be meeting Mikhail at a restaurant, but it's really a guise for business. Giuseppe decided Mikhail should know everything that occurred with me almost being killed and how Vincent has been handled. They need to know about the underboss being removed, it isn't news they can hide. As it is, the streets have been whispering all week about it. 

Vincent Luciano was murdered by his family for betraying their business, for murdering their associates, and almost murdering me. People quake with fear at news like that. How ruthless to kill your own flesh and blood. It's a warning to everyone. 

It was told that Nicolas Luciano killed his brother. The message is that a new boss is rising to the top and he's something to fear. Nobody will ever know I murdered Vin except for those of us in the room that day. I don't know if that's better or worse.

        When I asked Nick how he felt about people thinking he killed his brother he said it didn't bother him. He said his conscience was clear, because I gave him that out, so he didn't care what others thought. I asked him if deep down he resented me or hated me for shooting his brother, but again he said no. He said he felt nothing but grateful. Maybe one day that will change. All this will really sink in for him and he'll come to resent me for pulling the trigger.

        I looked myself over in the mirror. I looked beautiful tonight. A red dress that complimented my olive complexion and dark hair. It lit up my light eyes too. I wore subtle makeup that played up my best features, and my curves were noticeable in this outfit. It felt like a facade. A ruse. I'm rotting on the inside, but outside I looked so good tonight. 

"Gia!" my uncle called up for me. I looked at that girl in the mirror one last time before walking out the door. A month has passed since I've last seen Mikhail and so much has happened in only those few weeks. I'm a different person than the one he left last time. Even then I had already been changing, but now...I was damaged goods.