streetlights.

.1.

chan had been rudely awakened by the sound of his ear piercing alarm, great. just what he needed after another sleepless night.

he opened his eyes only to be greeted with his blinds open yet again, and the morning sun meeting his eyes making it hard to see.

he slowly sat up letting out a defeated groan, and checking the time to make sure he wasn't late for school, and to his surprise, he wasn't.

usually chan had slept through his alarms as a result of his body telling him to sleep after yet another sleepless night due to the thoughts that lingered his brain all day.

but he had woken up on time today, so maybe it wouldn't be such a bad day?

he got up and out of his warm, comforting bed, and stretched his oh so tired muscles.

he opened his door, and slowly made his way into his bathroom for his daily routine of checking his body, then weighing himself as if to decide if he could eat that day.

he let out a long sigh as he washed his face, dreading the moment to step on that god awful scale that ruled most of his life.

he took of his shirt and pants, basically anything that would throw off the scale numbers or give him any extra weight.

chan had never been a normal kid, always scared to play with other kids his age, which his parents found weird.

as he made his way through middle school and high school, things changed. they changed more than he
would've liked.

chan had never really had a problem with his image or how he saw himself until middle school.

that's when it had began.

the constant teasing, the bullying, all of it. all because he had just been a little bit bigger than the rest of the kids his age.

chan was never overweight, but more of always seen as the chubby kid.

his parents never had a problem with that, considering how loving they were towards him, but of course he had a problem with it.

that's when he decided he didn't want to be seen as the "chubby kid" anymore, and started eating better, and skipping breakfast because who needed it anyways?

skipping breakfast wasn't an issue until more thoughts ran through his brain of being teased throughout middle school.

then, he decided if he didn't eat breakfast, why would he need to eat lunch?

it wasn't that big of a deal right? he still had dinner. it's not like he would starve. but oh was he wrong.

chan was happy after a couple months of skipping a few meals, as he was seeing results, his "fat" went away and was replaced by his boney ribs. his "chubby" cheeks were replaced by not so noticeable cheek bones. but it was never enough.

he slowly became guilty for eating anything at all. he then cut out his so much needed dinner, and only ate something small.

even as many people saw chan as underweight, he still saw himself as the "chubby" kid from middle school. and that same mentality stuck with him to high school.

he was currently a senior in high school, and only had a couple of friends. but only one close friend.

his best friend felix, the only one that could get him out of bed, and the only one that still had hope in chan. the one that wanted him to get better.

chan knew deep down that he had slight feelings for the younger but he knew he would be frowned upon if he told anyone. so he kept it to himself.

felix was always such a bubbly and bright person, and chan always felt as if he was bringing lix down with him.

lix was always there for the older, which chan appreciated, but deep down he didn't want to get better.

he wanted to get worse, he didn't want to be "chubby" just like in middle school even if it meant he would die. at least he would die skinny.

die. skinny. that's thought always resurfaced in his brain once in a while, but to be honest, skinny enough would never be a thing to him. there was so skinny enough.

and so there he was, weighing himself yet once again to determine if he was able to eat anything that day.

chan looked down at the scale and let out a disappointing sigh, he gained 2 pounds. TWO whole pounds. how was that even possible? he only had a couple pieces of chicken which later ended up in the toilet.

this happened often, chans weight would constantly go up and down often, which upset him greatly. chan knew, and promised himself that if he did gain anymore weight even if it was a pound or two, that he wouldn't eat that day.

chan stepped off the scale and prepared for a dreadful day ahead, hoping it would go by quick. chan turned to his left to turn on the shower.

chan always took cold showers, because he read somewhere that it burned extra calories, but even if it wasn't true he would still try.

he would do anything to be skinny.