Fakemates

Chapter Twenty

Dean

Whoever told you that you could numb your feelings with alcohol was a fucking liar. Alcohol did jack shit. It didn't matter how much I drank. Nothing helped.

Nothing helped take away the gnawing pain of my heart breaking over and over again, every single day since I walked away from Evelyn. Since I left her crying in her room because of me, because of my stupidity.

Because of my crippling fear that she'd leave, sooner than later, she'd leave me. I knew she would. They all left. They always fucking left me behind. No one ever stayed.

Every person I've ever loved left me and the pain of Evelyn leaving me would destroy me. It would fucking end my existence on this Earth. Breaking her heart was collateral damage, but it had to be done.

Evelyn and I couldn't be together because of the way we got together in the beginning. It was toxic. Evil. And that's not what she deserved.

She deserved a beautiful beginning to start her relationship, not some prick blackmailing and using her to his advantage. I missed her.

I missed her so fucking much that it hurt to breathe because breathing was just another reminder that I was still alive.

Still alive and without Evelyn by my side was torture. I was tormenting myself, moving with the motions of life, but just fucking barely getting by.

I was barely keeping it together. I felt like an addict going without his drugs for too long, and I needed a hit. I needed my Evelyn. I needed to see her.

To smell her. I needed to hold her in my arms and crush her to my chest so she couldn't ever possibly think to leave me.

I needed to play with her hair or hear her laugh. I needed to kiss her. Fuck, I missed the feel of her lips moving against mine. I missed the softness of her tongue stroking along mine.

I missed the sounds that would rip out of her, the whimpers, the hitching in her throat when I kissed her neck, the way her eyes dilated when I took away her oxygen as if knowing who it belonged to.

She was always so obedient. I miss hearing her call me Sir. I miss talking to her. Texting her. Calling her. Just hearing her saintly voice made everything in this world better, lighter.

I couldn't call her. No matter how many times I wanted to. I couldn't. I couldn't ask Nick how she was doing because as long as he was concerned, I didn't even know Evelyn. We were sort of friends, but not really.

I couldn't bring her up to anyone because no one knew we were together. We were faking it. I downed the glass cup in front of me and poured myself another one. I could keep praying for God to help me forget her, but it wasn't possible.

How does one forget an angel? How does one forget the better half of him? I don't believe in love and in destiny. I never have.

I believed in legal documents that showed that they were going to stay with me by signing their name. That was the only reason I forced her to sign it. I knew she'd never stay with me if her name wasn't across the papers.

I don't even remember what happened in New York. I don't remember anything. I was drowning in work, but I wasn't even paying attention or focusing.

It's like I was there, but not really. My mind wouldn't just wander back to Evelyn, because it was there on a perpetual basis.

The curly-haired woman with blue diamonds for eyes. Evelyn was on an endless loop in my head, and I couldn't stop it if I wanted to. Even though I broke her heart, broke her, I was too much of a selfish bastard.