YOU CAN'T DO BETTER! [conrad fisher]

ALL WE ARE [2]

as i turn the shower faucet on and let the water heat up, i run my fingers through my hair while grains of sand fall onto my bathroom floor. a part of me feels disgusted, because i just had sex on a beach, and another feels proud because... i just had sex on a beach. i enjoyed it while it lasted, because i know that conrad fisher is not one for relationships. i'll move on with my life, and he'll move on with his. it's fine, it works.

i step into the hot water, allowing myself to fully relax. i have small cuts on my arms and back where the sand dug into my bare skin, and light hickeys on my neck. i wash my hair and my body, hoping that the scent of beer and sex will wash off, but slightly hoping that some of it will linger.

"alexa... shuffle songs by taylor swift."

as the music starts to play, i just stand underneath the running water, replaying hurried moments from an hour ago.

- flashback -

"did you finish?" he whispers in between kisses, and it feels good to not lie for once.

i swallow, "yeah."

he nods and stands up, zipping his shorts back up. as i'm adjusting my dress, he reaches his hand down to help me up.

"i'll uhm.. i'll see you again some other time," he says before walking back to where the rest of the party is. leaving me behind that silver pickup truck.

—

the next morning, i walk downstairs to the kitchen, where my father is sitting at the table on the phone. it's a business call, i can tell by the way he rubs his face every minute or two.

i make my way to the fridge and pull out two eggs, as i'm starving from last night.

i adjust my hair with the hope that my dad doesn't see the small hickeys on my neck. even if he did, i don't think he'd say anything. things are different between us, and having it been 3 years since my mom died, he lets me live my life the way i want to. he'll occasionally ask me to get out of bed and do something, or put the dishes away, and i do without complaining.

as i wait for my eggs to cook, i pull out my
phone and check my notifications.

one text from belly that read;

where'd u go:(

a part of me felt bad for leaving before even saying hi to her, but it'd be weird to stay at the same party with conrad. weirder than it was gonna be the rest of the summer, i think.

i type out a response and leave my phone on the kitchen counter, and i turn around only to find my eggs burning. i groan and set the skillet in the sink, and turn the stove off. i walk back upstairs and change out of my pajamas and into a pair of shorts and an oversized hoodie that said american eagle on it. i put on my white converse and made my way back downstairs, grabbing the car keys from an entry table by the door.

"i'm gonna go get some muffins real quick, i'll be back!" i called out to my father.

—

last night was a rare occurrence in many ways. one, i had sex. two, i was bold and funny and.. normal. i know it's not good to stay sad and grumpy 24/7 but in a way it's easier. easier for me, for my dad. i don't have to waste my time on friends and he doesn't have to speak to me. it's fine, it works.

as i walk into the bakery, i'm startled to see conrad leaning against the wall on his phone. i swallow hard and make my way to the cashier. i know he won't notice me, so that's why i don't try to hide or seem small. it's called a one night stand for a reason. because it only lasts for a night.

"a dozen coffee cake muffins please," i say as i reach for my wallet in the back pocket of my shorts. out of the corner of my eye i see conrad look up, then back at his phone. i pay for my order and walk to the other wall to wait. two pink boxes come out at the same time, and i know one of them is mine and the other is conrad's. i smile at the woman while he mumbles a quick thank you and we both walk out of the door.

"thanks.. for the uh- the other night." he says slowly as we start to walk in opposite directions to our cars. i nod and smile, "yeah, thanks."

i sorta thought that conrad would ignore me if we ever ran into each other, and that nothing like that would happen again. but here i am, walking away from him.

i take a deep breath before turning back around, "do you maybe wanna.. uhm," i swallow, "like get together another time?"

so much for going back into my depressed era.

he scratches the back of his neck, "i'm not really a.. relationship guy."

"i didn't say anything about wanting to be in a relationship?" i said, slightly frustrated. i know my place. and i know conrad, i thought.

he started walking backwards to what i assumed was his jeep, "i'm sorry, i've gotta go. maybe i'll see you again, camille."

and that was the last time i saw conrad fisher for 2 weeks.

no parties, no messages, nothing. i wasn't surprised, and i knew that that's all i was to him— a hookup. and that's all he was to me, too.