I wake up in the dark QuizMart, lit only by an aisle of dim refrigerators, and suddenly feel a movement next to me. I glance to my right sexily. It's julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, tied to a chair behind me.
"How long was I out?" I ask
"I don ' t fucking know i just Got Here" they answer, rolling their dark orbs of sight [i wanted to add "pis and shit, olive say fartily" but thehy wouldnt let me smh -🍓]
One of the Dave's re-enters the room. "So you're awake." Dave says. "That was fast. A bit delinquent of you both, yes?"
"Yeah," julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, says. "Thats what my ex's mom always said."
I lock eyes with the Dave and spit out a mouth full of blood "You'll never get information out of me alive"
"What the fuck dude" the Dave asks, looking a bit concerned . "This isn't a hospital please go somewhere else if you're spitting up blood."
"No. I'm going to piss your robot pants"
"We're literally tied to chairs," julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, says. "What the hell do you want?" julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, says, also spitting out a mouthful of blood right onto Dave's shoes.
"THESE WERE 1500$ ADAIDASW???? what the frickity frackity snip snap snackity fuck?" Dave's voice rises, progressively becoming more angry and uwu nya with the situation
"I'm missing dinner for this bullshit..." I say.
"Your mom is lich rally dead but go off i guess..." julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, mutters.
"fuck a cactus" i respond in morse code blinking, even thought they can't see me
"I can see you," Dave says. "I live in your mind. I'm inescapable."
"it goes for you too, the second i piss on you with my MASSIVE DICK !!! your puny robot life is over"
"What did you fucking say??" julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, says. "Jesus christ. Dave, what do you want from us? I'm so close to just leaving right now."
"I bet Dave wants my massive cock sunglasses emoji knocks down sunglasses OH YEAH koolaid man voice"
"God." julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, says.
"You see," Dave says. "You're both what I'd call..." Dave pauses. "Ah, no, you're not valuable at all." [A/N Dave doesn't deserve pronouns -🍋] [A/N daves pronouns are dave/daves -🍓]
"BITCH-" julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, starts. "Okay you know what?" In an incredibly impressive feat [A/N hah feet kink-🍋] Iof strength, especially considering their puny size, they tear off whatever was holding us down on the chairs. Dave says nothing. "I'm leaving. I'm going." they walk towards the door. "I'm going to get out of this SHITTY STORE, and I'm not fucking coming ba- Where's the door? WHERE IS THE FUCKING DOOR."
"Would the Real Dave would you like to go for tea sometime?" I add after a moment
"Yes," The Dave in front of me says.
"Yes," another voice appears a few aisles over.
"Yes," Again, one Dave pops up behind me.
"Olive, there's no fucking door-"
"Isn't there?" Dave says, pressing a button inside the frozen pineapple and sauce pizza fridge behind him.
"Wait, where is it-" julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, starts, before being plunged below the floor underneath them.
I pull four human arms out of my pocket
"What the Fuck™ " Dave whispers
"I have the right to" I look at the camera sexily like im on the office "bear arms" [A/N I am shot on sight. -🍋]
"I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU" julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, yells from under the floor.
"GOOD" I yell back
"God, you two are so codependent." Dave mutters.
"GOD, YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP," julian, previously tealeaf, previously eevee and previously jamabama, yells.
"Dave you're a faggot you have no rights"
natalie walks in and knocks me on the head with a squeaky hammer. I'm banned from QuizUp for saying slurs, which is by far not the worst thing I've ever done. nick walks in to dispute my ban and I am no longer banned.
Suddenly, a banging comes from below me. Dave looks down, hand on the gun at Dave's waist.
"What the hell..." Dave mutters, raising the gun as the floor starts to crack. Suddenly, it splits open, and dust falls through with chunks of linoleum that vary in size. julian, previously tealeaf previously eevee and previously jamabama, stands at the bottom, at least 420 miles below in a dark abyss. I can see them though. I pee my pants.
"HEY PISSBOY!" julian, previously tealeaf previously eevee and previously jamabama, yells. Dave turns towards me.
"Well then." Dave says. Dave pushes me into the chasm. I don't die, surprisingly.
"Uh oh!" julian, previously tealeaf previously eevee and previously jamabama, exclaims. [A/N b -🍓] [A/N Julian and I sat here for five minutes with this doc open discussing ADHD before we went "hey weren't we supposed to be working on the fic?" -🍋] [A/N m -🍓] [A/N banana -🍋] [A/N2 we had to make a rule that once we hit five A/N's in a row we needed to move on -🍋] [A/N we see how that worked out now huh -🍓] [A/N JULIAN THIS IS SEVEN -🍋] [A/N you added two in a row that is not my fault -🍓]
"Ouchie" i say. I stawt to cwy because im a widdwe pissbaby
"Haha pissboy" julian, previously tealeaf previously eevee and previously jamabama, says.
"Boobs" I state matter of factly
"lol boobs" julian says
"Dave i have therapy in the morning you have to let me go home"
"no" Dave drops down a clorphorminfkg rag on my face
"Dave that is so fucking rude she has asthma" julian scolds Dave , as i pee everyehree out of shock at this penis crime [A/N I've been trying to get Julian to work on actual plot with me instead of just "boobs lol" for the past five minutes now. no progress. -🍋] [A/N olive has been staring at her. tits for five minutes straight -🍓] [A/N you are mentally ill and no concept of time its been maybe a minute -🍋] [A/N ok and -🍓] [A/N THE PLOT JULIAN -🍋] [[a/mkrjn no]
I look around the stupid fucking hole we ended up dropped in and slam a hole in the wall with my fat fucking tits, revealing tons of secret tunnels under the QuizMart
"julianuary look i found a way out"
"ok and" julian says
"so we can get out of this fucking torture capitalist basement??? you stupid fuck." i smack their
"whatever" julian punches another hole in the wall. "let's go" i follow behid because i am a submissive little beta catoboy
YOU ARE READING
How Captalism Ruined My Lifr In 10 Steps | My Story Animated (A QU Fic)
AdventureOJPRODUCTIONS PRESENTS: In a capitalistic hellscape, two friends set out on a treacherous journey to save their friends, full of traps, tunnels, and.... Daves? WRITTEN BY: Olive and Julian
