Strong and Brave

20th June 2022

Where do I start today was incredibly stressful for me I live with my partner and we have three beautiful gerbils call Draco Snape and snow and free stunning rabbits called Charlie Lola and Beatrix so on the 17th of June 2022 I got Beatrix neutered as she really needed to be done.
So it's been a couple of days since her operation and she's had a few complications I've been to and from the vets so today at 7 p.m. I had to take her back to the vet's as I found a lump on her belly near her incision so she was put on more medications but before that at 2:30 p.m. I had to go to see the dermatologist and it wasn't the usual one I went normally see but the new one panicked and freaked me out when i showed her my arm and chest so she's stuck me in a different room and told me that the consultant was going to see me after 10 minutes she came back in to see if I've been seen I said no and then she told said he is probably stuck in surgery then reality hit me that there was a possibly that i might need surgery and it made me panic a lot so i phoned my mum then the consultant came in and went through my options he was putting me on some antibiotics for 4 months with weekly blood tests and if that doesn't work then have to go to Newcastle to have injections in my arm and then if that doesn't work I have to go to Hexham  to see a plastic surgery surgeon cos I may need skin graftsmore  it freaked me out as i only went there for  antibiotics and my blood results so I was there for about 1 hour and a half and that's how bad it is I would post photos but let's just say I can't look in the mirror it's something out of a horror movie its not a pretty thing to see it's about 10 cm wide and about maybe 2 to 3 cm deep so when there's an exposed nerve pain shoots up my arm so I'm a girl who doesn't like needles even though she's got three tattoos and I really don't want surgery I have been waiting 7 years for treatment and now I am everytime I went to the doctors they kept saying they were going to refer me but they never did until last year when when a doctor saw my condition so he was the only one saw how it was affecting me and actually pulled his finger out of his backside and helped make a referral and February 2022 I went and saw the dermatologist for the first time she was quite surprised of how bad my condition  got so bad so it feels like iv been let down by the NHS but I'm just grateful now that I am seeing someone even though it took 7 years some people are lucky enough the only have it mild even though they are in pain they say you my condition is genetic but no one else in my family has it.
I'm originally from a small town called Thatcham West Berkshire but when I was 8 years old me my mum my dad and my sister moved up to Carlisle in Cumbria where the amazing Lake District so i moved up to Carlisle in 2004  for 18 years in November.
My sister moved back to thatcham when she turns 16 she stayed there for a few years then moved back to Carlisle 6 years later, she was only up in Carlisle for less than a year she moved back down because my grandad sadly passed away from cancer so my sister move to live with my nan so now it's just me my mum and dad in Carlisle about a month after my Grandad passed away I met amazing guy he don't care about my condition he only cares about my personality and we've been together 3-years in September now we've got a two bedroom flat with 6 gorgeous pets one day we are planning buying our own place and hopefully start a family that's what I want I'm not sure about  him.
My boyfriend's 2 years older than me and he is born and bred in Carlisle to be honest I don't know what to do without him he works in a factory and I work in retail Dunelm working for Dunelm is an amazing place to work and i meet hundreds of amazing people who I can talk to and the staff is so kind and generous and is willing to help, my managers try everything in their power to help me out so my job title a host Im sometimes hiding by the entrance door greeting people and I also do online orders for people who sometimes don't have access to the internet but I mainly deal with furniture if I need help lifting something I just shout and there is always someone willing to help with no questions asked my previous job I won't say where I worked but it wasn't a good place I never got along with the manager I did get along with the staff but I did date one members of staff and it wasn't a pretty ending so I left and went to Dunelm so right now it's 8.40 pm and I'm sat on the sofa watching the Simpsons with my baby bunny Beatrix who is a year next month it's amazing how she's grown my boyfriend is in bed as he starts work half 5:30 in the morning and finishes at 1:30 pm so really this isn't a book I'm writing is a journal I am hoping to do with some fundraising soon to raise enough money for the HS research group hopefully find a acure and help hundreds or even thousands of people across the world I am on a Facebook page for people who suffer from HS and and I hope I can spread their stories to you how they deal with it if you really interested let me know message me because people who suffer from this some people are not with us anymore as they can't deal with the pain so sadly thay committed suicide and I'm not going to be one of those people I look around me and I see what I've got and I don't wanna lose it I don't want to hurt the people around me