Butterflies
The nights sky is a breathtaking beauty. Hindi nakakasawang pagmasdan kahit gabi gabi ko naman itong nakikita.
Even though I'm looking at the sky, I can see him looking at me from my peripheral vision.
I can't believe after so many years, everything seems so normal between us. Baka ako lang talagang umasa na may something sa aming dalawa noon. We're sitting at the back of his pick up truck. He's chill while I'm so tense right now.
Natetense ako sa pagka-awkward ng sitwasyon namin ngayon.
Walang umiimik!
"Have you ever been in love?"I broke the silence by asking him such question, but I think it was a bad move.
Mas naging awkward!
He look at me and we stare for a moment.
I'm in awe of how handsome, how rich, and how smart this guy is. He's the fine definition of perfect, yet I can't see why he's still single. Maybe because he's a flirt. Hindi naman kasi siya nakukuntento sa isang babae.
"Why do you ask?"
"I don't know, siguro nacurious lang ako kasi akalain mo sa hinaba haba pala ng taon wala ka pang nagiging girlfriend eh malandi ka namang hayop ka."
Yes Im curious! Im curious kung nagkagirlfriend ka na!
"That's what you call flings, August. Landian lang, there's no such thing as love involved." I know diyan ka naman magaling.
"So hindi ka pa nga naiinlove?"
A man like him will never fall in love. It's so impossible. Masyadong mataas ang mga expectation ng lalaking tulad niya. Makukuntento na siguro siya sa isang babae kung sobrang perpekto nito.
"Nahh i have......but I never got the chance to say it to her because I'm afraid she'll reject me." He said looking straightly to my eyes.
Umiwas ako ng tingin. I don't want him to notice my reaction. I'm freaking jealous right now. Maybe she's so perfect na nagawang ma-in love netong punyetang lalaking ito sa kanya.
"Bakit hindi nalang kaya siya yung dalhin mo dito at umamin ka para you know happily ever after na."
That's the best way to know na wala na talaga ako pagasa sayo.
"It's not that easy,"
"Why? I mean, sinong tatanggi sayo kung aamin ka?"
He let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Maybe her?" Tumawa siya pero napansin ko na parang nasasaktan siya.
Nakakapanibago siyang tignan ngayon.
Perhaps he really love that girl.
Lumapit ako sakanya at tinapik tapik ang likod niyo na para bang kinocomfort ko siya sa sawi niyang pagibig. It's strange that I'm comforting the one who broke my heart because he's brokenhearted.
"Okay lang yan, madami pang babae sa mundo."
Nandito naman ako, ako nalang kasi sana.
"That's true......siguro may mahahanap pa akong mas maganda, mas sexy, mas mayaman, mas matalino, mas talented, mas magaling mag luto.........." Tumitingin tingin siya sa akin. I don't know if I'm just assuming things or if he's really observing my face.
Pangit ba ako? Pinagtatawanan mo ba ako sa utak mo? Haha
"Pero Fucking shit siya parin talaga," napapikit pa siya dahil sa frustrations niya.
Tinulak ko siya at sinermonan dahil ang tanga niya lang!
"Confirmed, in love ka na kasi ang tanga mo. First of all, tanga ang dami dami mong babae na gagawan mo ng the moves mo pero dun sa iisang babaeng mahal mo hindi ka man lang umamin. Tanga tanga neto," I ranted.
I can't imagine him being so torpe sa isang babae. Like wow, now that's love! I really envy that girl, kung sino ka man napakaswerte mong tao.
I was in the middle of my thoughts when he did something that shocked me.
Dahan dahan niyang linapit yung mukha niya. Then he whisper something to my ear.
"I guess she's an exemption." That's when my heart was shattered into pieces.
I really hate you! Bakit ba mas lalo mong pinapamukha sa akin na may iba kang gusto! I think he know na may gusto ako sakanya and this is his way of rejecting me.
Binaba ko yung ulo ko dahil anytime babagsak na yung luha ko.
"Alam mo dapat talaga bumili tayo ng alak eh. Ikaw kasi bigla bigla mo akong kinidnap sa bahay." Atleast kapag may alak may lakas ako ng loob na sabihin sa kanya yung totoong nararamdaman ko.
I can't look at him right now. Ang bigat lang sa pakiramdam dahil out of all people why him?
Mabuti nalang medyo madilim dito sa lugar namin. Hindi niya masyadong mahahalata na umiiyak na ako. I can't let him see me crying. Baka pagtawanan niya lang ako.
Suddenly, I felt his hand in my hand. Nararamdaman ko ang paghalo halo ng emosyon ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung kikiligin ba ako, malulungkot, matutuwa o maiinis.
Hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin siya tinitignan.
"I really missed you August," bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa sinabi niya.
I missed you too, but I don't want to see you again. You keep messing with my feelings. Again and again and again until I can't figure out what's true and what's not.
Tinklop niya ang kamay niya sa kamay ko.
What the hell is even happening!?
Why are you like this!?
He admitted to me that he has feelings for another girl, but here he is........giving me butterflies in my stomach.
How I really hate that I love you!
