Please Stay Alive || NI-KI ✔

three

Riki was dealing definitely with insecurities, and his unbelieving hyungs just made it worse. He was making so many mistakes, it made himself sick. The constant worry of messing up, making people angry, getting kicked out of the group, hurting Engene's feelings for being horrible at his own job. He did not want to be useless.

Riki was walking around the living room quietly to get to the kitchen for a glass of water and when he heard people speaking softly; he stopped to hear them. It wasn't like him to eavesdrop but he did it anyway.

"Sunoo?"

"Yeah?"

"What's up with Ni-ki?" Why couldn't they just use his name- his real name and not the studio name that Riki had chosen? He bristled at the thought of them not thinking of him as their brother. Maybe it was all an act- just for Engenes. Just in my imagination. He hoped it wasn't. It couldn't be. After all the things the group went through together. He was hurt that they kept calling him Ni-ki.

He hoped he wasn't getting kicked out of the group, he really hoped he wasn't. It would break his heart and it would definitely destroy his family's image of him.

"I don't know, he's been messing up a lot,"

"I'm worried about him,"

"Yeah, so am I. He's usually always perfect." Perfection was making Riki fall apart. He couldn't be always perfect - is that how they saw him? The perfect Enhypen maknae? Riki's head swam with questions but all his answers were the bad ones, none good. With his unbelieving hyungs and them calling him perfect and not saying his real name, he felt overwhelmed.

"Mhm. Maybe he needs a break,"

"Maybe he's sick?"

"For three weeks? I doubt it." Riki's heart dropped and muttered, "Sick in my heart." Sunghoon lifted his head and looked around, then noticed Riki was standing there completely still with drooped shoulders.

"Ni-ki!" He scolded, "What are you doing there, eavesdropping on your hyungs?"

"I'm sorry, hyung," Riki kept his head bowed to his chest, sobs threatening to break through his throat, into the deafening silence in his head.

"Why are standing there?" Sunghoon got to his feet and walked over to him. Riki remembered when he was shorter then him. They were practically the same size or maybe Riki was taller then him. But still.. Riki felt small, so, so, so small. Nothing could explain it but he felt extremely small and exhausted.

"I don't mean to be useless, I'm sorry,"

"Hey," Sunghoon lifted Riki's chin with his fingers so he could look into his eyes. His eyes were filled with pain, sadness and a blankness he had never seen before in the maknae's eyes."Oh, Ni-ki, you're not useless."

"But I keep messing up!"

"It's not your fault, jagi," Sunghoon was about to put his hand on Riki's arm to comfort him but he pulled away, tears again threatened to spill over.

"Yes, it is! I'm supposed to be perfect! For you, Hybe, Engenes, Enhypen, my parents in Japan! Everyone wants me to be perfect!" Riki exclaimed, wiping his eyes with his long shirt sleeve. "I'm going to bed,"

"Hey, hey! Riki! Come back!" Sunoo called, sitting up on the couch. They watched Riki run out of the room, everything crashing inside of his brain.

They didn't come after me, Riki noticed, and that really hurt.

----

Riki closed the bedroom door and cried in his pillow. He could not handle this anymore. He just couldn't. He grabbed his phone and decided to scroll through his social media. He shouldn't have done that - all it was was hate on him. So now he was getting hate from anti-engenes?

His life was so great, not.

That's when he decided to do something.

Something that would change his life forever and haunt his hyungs' lives.