LOOKOUT

PART 4 - RSVP

It's sunny outside, much sunnier than usual. The route we are taking is covered by long trees which gives us some shade, thankfully. I can still feel the heat making my hands clammy and my face hot, though. It might just be because of nerves. Aubrey is walking next to me, recounting the hectic experience that is trying to find a New York flat.

"And then I look over and this guy was fully standing there with no trousers!" He exclaims. "I said, 'who are you?' And he told me he was the landlord." He says, shaking his head. I let out a loud laugh at that. He turns to me then, "What? Do you find my harassment funny?" He jokes. I shake my head, still laughing. "No, it's not that I swear. It's just that might be the tamest New York landlord experience ever," I say. "My last landlord got arrested for having a cocaine deal on the building roof, it was like fifty-kilo grams of that stuff too," I say. He gapes. "Fifty- okay fine you win," He laughs. "I don't even know how he got his hands on so much, the guy was a lawyer," I said. "Well, I think that kinda explains it." He says. We both chuckle.

The walk goes smoothly after that, we didn't stick to one topic for a while, casually having small talk. I point out a nice deli when we walk, and he says he's seen it on his way home but never went in. We then turn the corner and to my left is the coffee shop we met in a few days ago, which means we have around thirty more minutes before we reach my place.

Aubrey then turns to me again and just looks at me for a few seconds. I don't say anything and pretend I don't feel the intensity of his gaze. I've gotten used to him doing that, assessing a person or situation for a long time before saying anything. He used to do that a lot at university. "So, I'm thinking of buying one of your books," he says. I nod, pretending this topic doesn't make me feel like throwing up and curling into a ball to die. "Since you said the fantasy ones might not be for me, whatever that means, which one should I get?" He asks, still looking at me. I keep my poker face. "Maybe my poetry collection? It's called Oranges in San Antonio. It's my only poetry stuff but I know you like poems." I say, shrugging. He shakes his head, "I'll definitely get that one, but I mean your stories. Like, novels." He says. I think for a second, contemplating which one might be closest to what his tastes are. I realize for a second that his tastes might have completely changed, and I wouldn't know what he'll like, but I push that thought away for another time. "Maybe, Luca becomes A Time Traveller? It's nerdy, but I think you'd appreciate a good comedy." I say finally. He smiles at me. "I heard of that one from somewhere, I'll put it in my shopping cart." He says. "And I like nerdy, that's why I stuck around you for so long." He says, nudging my shoulder playfully.

I wanted to tell him that he didn't stick around me, we barely talked, actually, but I bite my lip from letting that intrusive thought win and I just shake my head. "You're the nerd, Mr. Cried-to-Sense and Sensibility-during-class," I joke. He groans. "You still remember that? God, I wanted to die," he says, face red. "It wasn't too bad, I don't think anyone noticed to be fair," I say. "Oh, it just happened to be you?" He says. "Well, yeah I stared a lot." I blurt out, not thinking much of it.

It's silent for a few seconds and the words I said settle into me. My face flushes and I turn to see Aubrey giving me a coy smile. "You staring at me instead of paying attention during seminars, Collins?" He says. I shake my head vigorously. "Not you, well, not just you. I stared at everybody. I'm a starer." He just quirks his eyebrow and keeps smiling.

"What? I am." I say.

He laughs. "Okay, okay. I'm not gonna dictate who you stare at. Stare at me all you want," he says. I groan.

"Though, I don't think starer is a real word." He says.

"You're not a real word,"

"Very mature, Collins, very mature."

We continue the rest of the walk in comfortable silence. We go straight, walk for a few minutes, turn left, walk straight for a few minutes, turn left, walk straight again, and turn right. Finally, we reach my building, and he looks up at the giant apartment complex. He blows a low whistle. "Much nicer than the shithole I live in," He says. I just nod, unsure of what to say. I can't for the life of me handle comments relating to my wealth in any way.

"Do you wanna come up? I can make you a cup of coffee." I say. It's funny because forty-five minutes ago I was dreading talking to him for so long, and now I'm practically volunteering to spend more time with him. He shakes his head. "I'd love to, really, but I have to head home and get some stuff ready," he says . He pauses and thinks about something. "Actually, I didn't walk you home without an ulterior motive," he says, sounding embarrassed. I tilt my head a little, confused about what he would want to ask me. "I'm having this thing at my apartment, and I was wondering if you would like to come?" He asks, uncertain. "A thing?" I ask. He chuckles nervously. "Like, a party. It's not gonna be huge or anything, just some friends." He says and blushes slightly. "I'd like it a lot if you come." He says, looking away.

I blink. "Uh, I gotta check my schedule but I'm like, ninety percent sure I can come," I say slowly. He looks disappointed for a second but then he gives me a big smile. "Okay, I'll send you all the details. Let me know if you can't make it. Oh, and please don't bring anything." He says, and I shake my head. "Don't ask a black person to visit someone for the first time without bringing a gift." I joke. He laughs at that. He puts his hands up. "Okay, okay. Bring whatever you want, I'm just hoping you come," He said honestly, and I hate how easily he can say such delicate things.

We stare at each other for a second and then he coughs. "Well, okay then," he says, kicking the ground a little.

"Yeah," I say.

He waves goodbye and begins to walk away, and I turn to unlock my apartment door and walk inside, slamming the door shut without looking back.