Aurelio's Dilemma

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

"Elio, snap out of it. Please. Listen to me."

Leslie's voice created a rift in Aurelio's trance, and awareness returned him in slow waves. Eyes wide, he glanced around. He wasn't even looking at Matt and Blair anymore. He craned his neck; his house was behind him, and when he looked forward again, Leslie was standing in front of him.

Before he could open his mouth, Leslie gently shushed him. "Let's go inside first," she said. Aurelio nodded slowly. They went inside. As they passed by a cabinet, Aurelio caught sight of car keys on top of it, and he froze. He stared at the keys, then he frowned. Then his muscles worked without thought. He grabbed them.

"What do you want with the car keys?" Leslie asked as she turned back.

Aurelio wanted to throw them. To break them. No, he wanted to break his parents' car altogether. And if Leslie hadn't been with him, if she hadn't gently tugged the keys out of his hands, he might have done that. His subconsciousness might have won.

"Let's go," Leslie said.

So they went upstairs to Aurelio's room. Leslie had to give Aurelio a tiny push to make him sit down on the edge of the bed. When he did, he fiddled with his fingers between his knees, gaze downcast and ashamed.

"Don't feel ashamed."

The mattress beside Aurelio dipped as Leslie sat down, and he looked at her. "I think that's my default emotion," he said.

"No. It's not your default emotion. It's been programmed into you, Elio. Unintentionally, but still," Leslie said. "What do you think happens when all you ever praise a child for is being so well-behaved and never ever giving anyone trouble? It becomes a chore, something you feel like you have to maintain to continue being loved." She sighed, and she leant towards Aurelio. "I know you didn't ask for a psychoanalysis, but I'm sure this is why you keep feeling like you're a burden. And it makes me sad, because the confusion you're going through is enough torture."

Aurelio didn't know what to say. She was right. "The confusion just increased ten-fold," he said. "I don't know what to feel anymore."

"About Blair and Matt?"

Aurelio nodded. "Leslie," he said, turning so he could face her square. "I was dating Blair. I talked to you about it, remember? I told you that I feel like she knows Matt better than she knows me. I told you that it feels like she treats me the way Matt would want to be treated in a relationship. I told you that being with her feels...weird. You don't remember that stuff?"

There was no recognition in Leslie's expression. Just puzzled eyes and unsure, pursed lips. She shook her head. "We talked about the card. And we talked about Matt and your dad going through the exact same thing when they were fourteen. But you dating Blair? That's just...really weird. It didn't happen, so we didn't talk about it."

Aurelio's shoulders sagged. "You know what's driving me insane right now?" he asked. "Other than the fact that everyone is suddenly denying things that I was sure happened? It's the fact that these things I was sure of, they never felt right. Okay? Being with Blair felt wrong. I never even felt attracted to her. But it was there. It was happening. I didn't like it. But I went along with it, and I told myself I was the problem. And now that it turns out Blair and I were never a thing--it makes more sense! It shouldn't have happened. And my dad: him smoking sounded out of character, like it goes against his own values. And suddenly, it turns out, yeah, he doesn't smoke. So I was right. My intuition was right. But what felt right feels wrong now because it means I was hallucinating everything that happened last week? Does that even make sense? It's so confusing that I don't even know how to express it anymore, Leslie."

"Elio," Leslie said, one hand on Aurelio's knee. "You made sense. I understand what you mean. I understand your feelings. I just...I just don't know what to say. I don't know how I can help you."

Aurelio sighed, shaking his head. "It's fine," he breathed. "Thank you for listening to me. But there's really nothing you can do to help. I'm gonna tell my therapist about all of this. That's the right thing to do."

"Is therapy even doing you any good at this point?"

Frowning, Aurelio glanced at Leslie. "Huh?"

Leslie shrugged. "Two therapists. Same techniques. Behavioral therapy. Exposure therapy," she said, scooting back until she could fold her legs up on the bed. "I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if no therapy at all would be any better for you. Like what if...what if your therapists trying to manipulate your psyche into healing is not working. Maybe your psychology wants to heal on its own, without behavioral or exposure therapy. Sort of like our bodies, physically. We don't always need a doctor or medicine when we get sick or injured. Sometimes our bodies can heal on their own."

Aurelio stared at the wall for a while, thinking about her words. He shifted, then lay down on his back, and then continued staring--at the ceiling this time. He rolled his head to the side and looked at Leslie, then brushed his fingers against her wrist lightly. She glanced back at him, then lay down on her back too.

"Don't encourage me," Aurelio said. Leslie rolled onto her side, and Aurelio did the same. "Don't encourage me to quit therapy." He let out a small laugh. "I'm already hanging by a thread, no matter how much I convince myself that it will help me." Leslie mirrored his smile, but there was the same bitterness in it. "When I tell my therapist about all of this, I'm probably gonna get referred to a psychiatrist. Or a mental hosptial. Who knows."

"But if that's what it's gonna take for you to get better, then it's okay," Leslie said. "And I didn't mean you should quit therapy. It's just a random thought I had."

Aurelio closed his eyes. Tomorrow morning. He had a session then. He wondered what his therapist's reaction would be when he'd tell her about all of this. Poor woman thought she was dealing with a simple phobia. A simple problem with a simple solution.

"You sleep with a frown," Leslie said after a few heartbeats of silence. Lightly, so lightly, she ran a finger along his brow, reaching his temple, like she was trying to smoothen out the frown. "Even when we were at Matt's place. You slept with a frown the whole time."

Opening his eyes, Aurelio looked at Leslie in front of him. She was really pretty, and she was pretty close. He blinked slowly, tiredly, at her. Then he reached a hand out and pushed a strand of her hair away from her face. She said nothing and he said nothing, but her breath hitched the slightest bit, barely perceptibly.

"Why did you watch me sleep, you creep?"

Leslie chuckled. "Okay, I walked right into that one."

Aurelio closed his eyes again, savoring the comfort of Leslie's presence. Thoughts roared in the back of his head, confusion and helplessness and fear screaming for him to react. But there was no point wasting energy on that anymore. All he could do right now was wait for tomorrow, tell his therapist, and handle the verdict.

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What do you think his therapist will tell him about the situation? Thank you so much for reading/voting/commenting!❤️