Kate

Don't Leave Me

"Kate, will you ever leave me?" He asks as he entered the bedroom. I was not surprised he asked this, I knew it was coming.
"No, babe, why?" I ask. He shakes his head, indicating he did not want to talk about it. I checked my phone and saw it was spammed by messages from Celian.
Can I talk to you?
Please answer.
Kate? Please answer.
Marcello turned to face me and kissed my neck.
"What's wrong?" He whispered.
"Nothing...nothing," I reply quietly, not wanting him to worry. He left to sleep soon, much to my dismay. I watched him breathe ever so lightly, giving off a calming rhythm, and soon I too drifted to sleep.
When I wake up it is quiet. I look over and see that Marcello's bed is tidy and his suitcase is gone. I walk to the living room and it too is clean. The carpet felt nice and soft, which confuses me. As I walk into the kitchen something catches my eye- a note. A note taped to the fridge.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
I read the note over and over, trying to take it in. I didn't understand. He just left, why? He didn't tell me why. I didn't notice that I was well into a sob until the phone rang. I saw it was Gia, but I didn't answer since the only person I wanted to talk to was Marcello. My Marcello. But he wasn't there. I didn't know where he was. I went over to the window and watched the couples at The cafe across the street. I wiped my eyes and decided to go back to sleep. Maybe he will be back when I wake up, I thought. But I closed my eyes to hold back tears, knowing it wasn't true.
I decide to go to Celian's house. I know for a fact that he is the only one who can make me change my mind about suicide. I knock on the door and it immediately opens. I pull him close and wrap him in a tight, warm hug. I start crying into his shoulder before he can react.
"Woah! What's wrong?" He says as he returns the hug.
"He left! He just left! He didn't tell me why...he just...left," I say into his shoulder. He holds me tighter and invited into his house. I sat on an old leather sofa, the one we used to play on as kids. The thought of it makes me smile, knowing no matter what goes on in my life, I'll always have him. But then fear and heartbreak overwhelm me. The thought of Marcello's strong, warm arms not around me give me a panic attack, making Celian run to my side.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're with me. You're here with me," he says. I grab a pillow and start rocking myself in a corner, and I stay there all day. I can't bring myself to go back into the apartment until Marcello does.
For the next few weeks I sit in the corner, comforted by Celian's distant voice. He tries to get me to eat, until he eventually has to force it down my throat. I've hardly moved at all, I change my clothes and wash myself once in a while, but most of the time I'm in the corner, rocking my pillow. My thoughts consist of Marcello's eyes, the way they twinkle whenever he sees me, the way his smile stretches to his ears, and the way his arms were always around me. These memories kill me slowly everyday, eating me from the inside out, threatening to take away my life any second. I play the same game everyday. I tell myself everyday that he's coming back. I remind myself he loves me, that is why he is coming back. But everyday I lie to myself. As I fall asleep- if I even get any- I tell myself, he doesn't love you. He's not coming back. Don't kid yourself. He left you for a reason. The voices stab me from all places, making me flinch every time I think I here one. Celian keeps trying to get my mind off Marcello, but everyday it gets worse. More memories. More thoughts. Suicidal thoughts at that. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. 99.99% of me is sure that he won't come back. But it's the 0.01% that kept me going. For two more months at least. But the thoughts came back. They came back to win the battle I thought I'd won. I was growing paler, skinnier, and sickly. Celian began to worry, but I didn't care. I would fix myself up if Marcello wanted me to. And one day someone called.
Celian ran to the phone as the last few rings sounded. He picked it up and began talking.
"Hello? Yes, yes she is. Ok. Here she is," Celian said as he called me over, smiling sympathetically.
"Hey Princess. Are you okay?" A familiar voice at the end of the line said. My eyes lit up. Marcello.
"H-hey," I fumbled. My tears welled up, but stayed in my eyes.
"I miss you," he said quietly with sadness in his voice.
"I miss y-you t-too," I said, my voice cracking. The tears trickled down my cheek and onto my hoodie, which was actually Marcello's. There was silence a moment,
"Look, I, um, I-I gotta go...I'll call you again...um, later."
The phone call ended. It was the first one I'd gotten in six months. He didn't even tell me why he left. Where he went. I replay the conversation over and over, hoping to gain something out of it. Finally, I knew I had to go back to the apartment. I couldn't stay with Celian forever.
"Promise me you'll take care of yourself," was the last thing he said before I left. I walked to the train station and got the earliest ride back to San Francisco.