MMI

GENESIS

That look! I blink briefly, well at least that is what I tell myself. In reality, I actually close my eyes for a full five seconds. Wishing. Hoping. Actually praying. Got to admit though, it is intriguing how such moments bring out the Christian I was raised to be. Yet, the second my eyelids part, still, there it is! Looking as if it is now not only taking but also growing into a life of its own. An onlooker would probably miss it, larking behind that subtle yet amazing smile. Her face, still to this day makes my pupils enlarge despite the fact that I have taken it in, numerous countless times. My favorite adjective - gorgeous, comes up short in capturing the true essence of  it. I could look, really look at it all day. However, today is unlike any other day. The onlooker would probably miss it because it isn't meant for them, it is undeniably meant for one person - me! At this particular moment it seems to be communicating only one word, unapologetically and repeatedly. A four letter word that not only makes me shudder, but also fills me with pure dread - MORE!

Her iPhone 8 plus vibrates in her leopard skin dotted multi-pocketed belt bag, and as she excuses herself and reaches for it, for a few seconds at least, I am free. Free from the look. Time to strategize. Random thoughts and debates start exploding upstairs. I think about what has worked in the past in such moments: sarcasm, dry humor, acting a fool, introducing and seamlessly blending other totally non-related conversational topics. The debates are intensifying, but on the outside, I keep a poker face. One thing that would be fatal to me at this exact moment is losing the illusion of control. The call ends. I feel her gaze on me before I even raise my head. As my eyes meet hers, again, I come to the gut-wrenching realization of the futility of my prior scheming. Deep down, I know it's time. Time to play the game. I once came across these words, "Truth is a cry of many but a game of few."

She starts talking at length about her past experiences, I listen closely. Listening for both the surface meaning and the not so obvious poetic underlying in her words. I gather that she has never been in any short term type of relationship. Her views and perspectives reflects depth, intimacy, openness and connection. The look, yeah, that look, has now taken a more introspective turn. I recall reading about how the formidable Iron Mike would size his opponents by looking them right in the eyes for even a slight trace of fear. Not only has the look undergone alteration but also the recurring debates in my mind. I am considering how my perspective and approach runs parallel to hers. Some part of me considers her views and perspectives to be really beautiful. Deep down, in a muted voice at least, I can even say a part of me is yearning, begging and screaming for me to give in. However, there also exists a much louder, booming voice. The voice that sums her views and perspectives into another dread inspiring word - VULNERABILITY!

I snap out of it. There is an underlying shift in the air which I don't immediately grasp. The introspective look has now been replaced by a smirk plastered across her face. Her eyes are now beaming with some wicked hint of satisfaction. I feel my curiosity juices overflowing but also a strange uneasiness. I consider this to be her subtle way of pulling the art of surprise on me and I am now more determined to not be caught off-guard. If this is to be a mind game, then, I must dominate. Rather unexpectedly, it dawns on me! Not like hits me suddenly, more like slowly and mockingly creeps into mind. Damn! My expressive eyes didn't get or rather chose not to the honor the invite to the 'Poker face party'!

Before I even get a chance to brace myself, she shoots, without any hint of hesitation, as the smirk widens across her face:

T: "So, you have never been in a long-term relationship before?"

J: (Stern silence, poker face is now more like blunt face) ...