MAD LOVE

Chapter 30

Alana

At first I couldn't open my eyes. My second attempt was successful, but then I wished I hadn't woken up at all. When I tried to move, I felt a stabbing pain in my head. I couldn't figure out where I was... Some kind of room, a crumpled bed on which I was lying, and silence. There was no one else.

Getting over myself, I stood up. There was some black underwear scattered on the floor, obviously not mine, because I did not wear such revealing things. My evening dress hung neatly on a chair. The question immediately arose: what am I wearing under the blanket then? In speechless silence, I the cover back up, because I was completely naked.

What the hell happened? How did I get here? My whole body ached; I did not understand anything. But the answers to all my questions soon became clear. They were lying on the coffee table right in front of the bed. On shaky legs, I walked over and took the envelope, at the same time noticing terrible maroon-bluish marks on my wrists, as if from ropes. Why? From where?

So, Alana, steel yourself... What's the last thing you remember? A party at the university. The Christmas ball, damn it! This was the last place I remember. God... What came next? Mike. He went to get drinks, leaving me alone for a couple of minutes. And then the feeling of fear... A sharp pain in my neck and the dead end of unconsciousness...

What I needed to know was in my hands. But do I want to know the truth? Inside, I was tearing myself apart. I wanted to throw away the envelope and forget everything like a terrible dream. And Mike was probably looking for me. Gathering my courage, I dumped the ill-fated contents on the table, and my heart almost stopped.

One breath... Then another breath... There was no air. It was terribly difficult to breathe. That could not be true. No!!! In front of me lay photos of a very intimate nature. I would even say pornographic. A man and I featured in every single one of them. The partial tattoo on his right shoulder blade was visible in one photo. A fragment of the puzzle. Mark, that bastard! And as a bonus to the photos, there were seven condoms, six of which were used and one that was still sealed.  There was also a note attached to it: "Remember the movie The Gift? Shall we play?"

"That scumbag..." I collapsed into a chair, bursting into tears of despair. As they streaked down my face, they burned like lava, and my head was about to explode. I remembered nothing. No memories. What did that bastard drug me with?

Tearing up the photos, I got dressed and left the room. Above the reception desk, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the time and date, and my feet were rooted to the spot.

What the hell? The party was yesterday, wasn't it? This must be a mistake...

I took out my phone to check my suspicions and was disappointed because it was really true. A million missed calls and voice messages. I would have to deal with everything later; I had to see Mike. After leaving the hotel, I caught a taxi and went home.

When I got to the apartment, I hesitantly opened the door. In the car, I replayed the conversation I would have in my head, but as soon as I was on the spot, all the prepared words evaporated. What I saw in the apartment, made me want to run away: the apartment looked as if a hurricane had struck it. My things were scattered on the floor, the mattress was overturned, chairs were lying around, and at the foot of a huge stain covering the entire wall lay the visible fragments of a broken whiskey bottle.

Slowly panning around the room, I noticed the photos on the coffee table. As I got closer, I fell to my knees, and my lips involuntarily trembled. I didn't have the strength to hold back. He was gone. He left not only the apartment but also my life. It was clear enough. Who would endure such an outright betrayal?

It hurt. It was very painful. My chest was a burning hole, as if the misfortune had been branded onto my heart. I could not see anything in front of me, and tears streamed down my face anew. I could not imagine how Mike must have felt when he looked at all this. Surely, he thought I had betrayed him. But it was not my fault! I would never do that!

My wild howl filled the entire space. An irresistible desire to erase all this dirt swept over me. I rubbed my body until it hurt, but I could not do anything with my hands, so I went to the shower. My hands tore at my skin until it bled, but I still felt dirty. I ended up falling to the floor and sitting under the running water for who knows how long.

Exhausted, I looked at myself in the fogged mirror, seeing nothing. Mark did it to me again, used me as a plaything and discarded me, leaving a 'polite' note about how he destroyed my world.

How I hate him! What did I do to him? Why me?! I don't want to take it anymore. I can't take it anymore...

My gaze fell on a familiar bottle of medicine. Potent tranquilizers, which were prescribed by the attending physician at the psychiatric clinic and which had repeatedly saved me in the past. I wonder what will happen if I take all the remaining pills at once? I would find out. Taking them with me, I went out into the living room.

After changing my clothes, I sat down to write a note to my parents, explaining the reason for my actions and the fact that I was tired of this life.

"Forgive me, my loved ones," I whispered, swallowing my tears, "but I can't do this anymore... Mark will always cut off my oxygen, and I definitely won't have a normal life with him."

I wrote the lines with shaking hands, and the tears flowed down my face in a continuous stream, leaving wet spots on the paper. In some places, the ink became blurred, the stains evidence of the pain that gripped me.

I put a handful of pills in my mouth and washed them down with a glass of water. Going to the bar, I poured some whiskey into a glass and, after taking a small sip, sat down on a chair, waiting for the end of my sad story.

I didn't know how much time had passed. I sat there, not moving, staring at into empty space, until it seemed the room suddenly became cold. It was as if someone had opened a giant freezer. My whole body shook. Was this how it would happen? How it would end?

Dry mouth; I was thirsty... Whiskey could solve that! Although... No, that was disgusting. I thought it would be easier this way, but here and now, to pass away, it seemed I had to go through the seven circles of hell.

Well, just my luck...

A knock on the door. Reality or hallucinations? To my addled senses, there was nothing but my own heart beating in my ears. I had to check, but I could not get to the truth. I got up from the chair, but my legs refused to hold me. Everything swam before my eyes, and the vague outlines of the kitchen were swallowed up by darkness. The last thing I heard was the sound of breaking glass.