Caitlyn & Vi: The Void to Fill (an Arcane Season 2 Story)

Healing

I was starting to feel better really. My injuries were healing well. But I was still burdened by so many thoughts; regrets, depression, guilt. It was hard to focus on much of anything. It was sort of like I was moving slowly through a fog. I wasn't sure if I had really done much of anything the last couple of weeks. Caitlyn went in to work in the afternoon and said she would speak with Jayce and Mel before returning home tonight.

I stared at that read journal on the bedside table. I thought maybe I'd read a passage or two. But so help me if it was vile I would just burn it. At the end Powder had really been a true hero and I didn't want to lose that image of her.

I began hesitantly glancing over the first passage. Snarked at the insults and doodles. Then grimaced at a few of her words:

"...I finally resolved that the best course of action was for Vi to kill me..."

I almost put it down right there. That cut so deep, that was so unlike the Powder I raised, the little girl that I knew. I couldn't understand it. I had to put it down. I went to get a drink and take a cold shower, my mind still reeling.

I kept thinking about it though. These were her last words. All that was left of her. I had to read it, I couldn't not read it. I decided to glance through a couple other entries before giving up...

"Why am I doing this? It's not like Vi is ever coming to see me..."

Well shit it was all my fault again...

"..I keep thinking about my family and how I've lost them all. Most of that has been my fault or a result of uprising. And I'm starting to see I'm not much better than the people that took my parents away. I kind of want to be better for Vi..."

She started to open up and make more rational sense with her words. I continued to read...

"... what I really want to tell her I guess I'll write in here for now, maybe someday I'll share it with her..."

"...Vi wrote me back again today. I wasn't expecting that. She told me how Caitlyn and her were celebrating their anniversary this week. How she wished I could find some happiness in this fucked up world... how she was proud of me. She signed it Love, Violet... I didn't think I'd ever hear those words again. Though she didn't say it in person. She wrote it – and she doesn't lie."

God I missed her. I did love her. I was proud of her. Proud of the progress she was making. For surviving and getting past some of the absolute mind fuck she had been going through.

Finally I came to the last passage:

Entry 13

"So this is what I want you to know Vi.

It's ok. None of what I did or do now is your fault. Nothing you could have said or done would have changed anything. Your mercy was more than I deserved. Your love is something so precious and pure. It's something I could never show you.

But I do love you. And I am sorry.

You can have happiness I never could. I hope you hang on to that and don't waste anymore time on me - on trying to fix me. I'm in an alright place now. So don't worry about me anymore.

Go live your own life. Go make your own family. Make a better world for them than what we had. You deserve it. You really do Violet.

Please, above anything else, be happy.

I love you,

Jinx

__________

I couldn't. I just couldn't think. I read it again and again until the tears in my eyes wouldn't let me read it anymore.

Caitlyn came in to see me bawling in bed a while later.

"Vi, are you alright?!" She ran over to me dropping her things at the door. She eyed the journal to my side.

"Oh no. Was it terrible? I'm so sorry – I shouldn't have –"

"No, no..." I stopped her an tried to stifle my ugly crying. "It's not that bad. Really. Actually it was kind of beautiful."

"Oh... oh? So these are happy tears then?" She questioned me in disbelief wiping some of my tears away.

"Well, no and yes. I don't know. I don't know how.... Ugh, what can I do with - with all of this Cait? I should have-"

"No Violet. You did everything you could have. You can't go back and change what's already happened Love..." she caressed my cheek. "Please stop thinking about the should's and what if's. You have nothing to be sorry for. There's just remembering the great things, and not forgetting the bad – learning from them even... doing more for the future and our world... and we have to just try to make a life where we can be happy." She held me close and kissed my head.

I grabbed on and buried my face into her.

We sat quietly for a few minutes. "Damn it you're right. You both are." I motioned to the journal.

"I'll try ok... I'll really try to move past all this pain. It's not helping things to be stuck in it. Is it?... I love you Cupcake."

————
But wait there's more...

You can find more about Jinx and her full journal entries as well as probably eventually AU shorts here:

Jinx's Case Files

https://www.wattpad.com/1239555749?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create_writer&wp_uname=barigrl514&wp_originator=pTJ5%2BdMwJ%2Bpb0fdLcrQ3kvFmRuHDq3Abyptn43K81r9ylLUfETXFMm798MW9IzPYuZs31BQds3wfg2LRfe4lmwL3Kv9ubKIkTFVzYUDtHy%2FxAZCB0dY4FE9EndPq%2FL3B