she, conrad fisher

1

chapter 1
[play: we fell in love in october by girl in red]
admiring from afar, my girl, my girl, my girl, you will be my girl.

-

maisie

we had finished moving in the last of our boxes and i had wondered who had lived in the white and grey tall house next door to us. on the other side was this older, retired, couple which so far made for a very boring first two weeks here. i hadn't seen any other kids my age out around the neighborhood either. i could only hope that summer would bring something. anything.

my feet jogged up the dark stained stairs and i made my way over to my room with the big bay window that looked over the lake. younger me and my sister would have fought for this room, but with her off at college out of state for the past 3 years, i barely saw her. this meant i would have to learn how to figure out this foreign place called cousins all on my own.

i didn't mind much. i was pretty to myself. i enjoyed my own company. i found myself to be comforting. shutting my bedroom door behind me, i grabbed some putty to stick on the back of my pictures i wanted to put on my wall. half were from pinterest and half were some i had taken of my friends, none with me in them. i hated how i looked in pictures.

i opened up my window to get in some of that summer air in and this time while looking out my window i saw two tanned guys with dirty blonde hair. one was taller and looked older. he was wearing a thin zip up and some shorts. the other looked younger and more full of life. his style was more colorful. behind them came a woman who i could only assume was their mother. she was beautiful. she had a flowy summer dress on that followed her as she made her way around the tile surrounding the pool.

i had never seen them before and wondered if they lived there or were just renting out the place for the summer kind of like an air bnb. whatever it was, i felt this growing feeling in my stomach. it was that feeling where you knew this memory would soon mean something in the long run. would it be good or bad? time would tell.

as i let my curiosity take over and stared with absolutely no shame, it was only a matter of time until i'd get caught. and in that moment i did. the taller and older sibling, looked up at me. he had to have felt my eyes on him all this time. his cool blue eyes looked up into my warm brown ones.

i thought i would turn away instantly. i thought i would be embarrassed. but i wasn't? and for some reason he wasn't either. he didn't smile, he just kept looking back. not really knowing what to do, thankfully the younger brother had waved and yelled out a "hey" in my direction. their mom looked up at me too, giving me a gentle wave and sweet smile. awkwardly, i smiled and waved back before retreating back into my room.

as i went back to sticking my pictures on my white painted walls, i replayed the moment over and over. i couldn't get his face out of my head and it bothered me. i didn't even really know him and he was some how just stuck in my head like glue. i hated it. maybe i would just stick with doing my thing. being quiet, to myself, uninvolved. what was so funny was that i had wished for anything remotely interesting to happen and it did, but instead i was running away from it.

setting up my room took hours and by the end of it i was getting the biggest headache from the mess i had made. seeing the clutter was driving me insane, and so i knew i needed to get out. as i went back towards the window, reluctantly, i saw that night had fallen. the sky became a dark gradient ultimately staying a bright midnight blue. it looked beautiful.

i slipped a clean t shirt over my head, keeping my lounge shorts on and then reached for my scuffed up nike tennis shoes. i grabbed my phone and headphones, before heading down the stairs. my mom and dad were sat in the living room watching tv. i called out that i was going for a walk around the neighborhood or by the beach and that i would be back soon. they barely acknowledged what i had said. they were always busy in work or tired from work.