Stargazer (Eddie Vedder)

6

August 23, 1991

"I think I'm going to throw up. Pebble, I'm gonna fucking yak."

Stone stood next to me backstage at the Mural Amphitheater. It was somewhat early in the day, and I had stayed in bed for most of the day, cringing at the activities ahead. It was going to be rough. We had a show in 10 minutes, and then we were expected to go to the album drop party.

I wanted no part of what was going on that evening.

"Chill out, Mooney. It'll be fine. We've done this a million times."

"Hey, is she okay?" Mike asked from behind. I waved him away, listening to his retreat.

"There are too many people."

"Oh, for god's sake, Luna, suck it up. Grow a pair of balls and go drum. How do you think Eddie feels right now?"

"He's not possibly going to get hate-crimed out there! I've never met a female drummer in the Seattle scene, not one, and the last time, they hated me. What if they boo me off, Stone?"

He began laughing. "You aren't gonna get hate-crimed. I'm sure there's a shit ton of girls out there who will find it, I dunno, refreshing. I-uh- Hey Jeff, can you help me out here?" Stone motioned for Jeff, who patted Eddie on the back and then came over to us. I laced my fingers together, looking at the design on my drumming gloves.

"What's going on, is she alright?"

"She's being overdramatic. Please tell her she isn't going to get hate-crimed, or booed, or whatever."

He grumbled. "Listen, I can't really guarantee anything." My knees wobbled. "Ed, come over here!"

"What's wrong, Luna?"

"Can you talk some sense to her, please? Before she either yaks or walks. I don't have a backup." Stone walked away, leaving Eddie with me, he rubbed his hand up and down my back as I leaned over the railing, sending goosebumps up my arms.

"Hey, listen. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna kill it. We're going to be okay. We're gonna play the set, load out, go home for a little bit, and then we're gonna get shitfaced drunk at this party thing."

"I don't want to go to the party," I muttered into my arm. His hand stopped on the small of my back.

"Why's that?"

"I don't want to deal with all the industry people. With all the people who literally see me as the token girl of the band. They are people who are only using us for money. Nothing's going to change, Eds. I'm only going to that party to be a pretty face. No one gives a shit how fast I play or if my rolls were good."

"No. No, no, no. You're going to that party because you deserve it. That party is about all the hard work, all the fights we had over stupid mixing shit, all of the disagreements about the singles. That party is about us. If it were up to me, no one would be there other than the people who care. Do you understand me? You're going because it's your hard work. No one else."

I sighed, looking over the railing, then turning around to face him. His face was soft and close to mine. God, I want to kiss him right now. I shook my head out of it. "I just-"

"Nope, come on. We have people waiting, remember?" He grinned at me, making me smile shyly, and shove him on the shoulder, moving past him.

"How is she-"

"Don't ask. I think I'm just the magic touch," he said with confidence in his voice.

"Oh, please, she's just being difficult. You'll learn, she gets like this nearly every time we play a show," Stone said. He came up next to her, guitar swinging from his shoulder. "You're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Oh yeah, I know. I try my best, Pebs." I grinned cheesily up at him, making him groan. I took my sticks out of the pocket of my jean shorts, twirling them around. I tapped them on the knot in my shirt as the band before us dashed off stage, allowing us to get up there in time.

I sat behind the kit, giving the feel of it a once over before looking up at Jeff, who winked at me. Eddie turned around to the set, a devilish grin spreading across his face. I furrowed my brows, prepping to count off into "Once".

"Oh, no. Please tell me you aren't gonna go apeshit here."

"Oh, darling, you haven't seen apeshit yet."

"Just spare me, okay?" I asked, clicking off. Darling. That word rolled around my mind as we played the first song, then "State of Love and Trust". He ended again by the drumset, thrashing his head around wildly. I rolled my eyes as his antics ceased.

"What, you don't like it?"

I grinned. "No. I love it."