Maybe this TIME

VII. Mikhael or Chris?

Is it Love or just an act of Compassion?.

I pitied him, I comforted him, I listened to him, I understood him.

These emotions were real, but what are these feelings for? What if that person has gotten better? What if he's now different from before?

Would I still love him?

Love and Compassion are the same in many ways, the act of caring for someone, the concern, the comfort. It's all the same.

But what if I just got confused about the two and let myself believe that I love him because I pitied, comforted and being compassionate towards him.

I believe I loved him because I felt the need of that person, I felt his loneliness, I felt his difficulties, most especially, I waited for him because I want to see him grow, change and become the person that he needs to be.

I was so happy knowing that he's now a completely changed person and the feelings back then will be gone for sure.

Khael kissed me sincerely that night, I got goosebumps all over my body, my heart beat raced so fast, really? Yung first crush ko noon, siya na nag momove sa akin ngayon, he became a man na talaga. He's so sincere.

"I'm sorry for doing this Aika, but I really wanted to do this and finally I did it after how many times I tried."

After the kiss, I want to talk about something para hindi naman awkward yung feeling lalo na't kami nalang dalawa sa campus ang naiiwan.

"So where's Chris? Hindi ba niya ako hinanap after the dance?"

"He thought umuwi kana, he asked me kung nasaan ka, and I told him na umuwi kana"

"Siguro nga mas mabuti nang hindi ko muna siya makita, super sakit Khael, I don't know how to describe the feeling, you know most kung gaano ako naghintay at umasa."

"You don't deserve that kind of shit! I knew it, since 2009, you don't deserve that guy!"

Khael was so angry, I felt it.

"Baka hinahanap kana sa inyo, hatid na kita" Khael said

"Sure, Thank you."

Those hour wala nang bus na nagbyabyahe, so I told Mikhael to go home and just let me go home alone kasi baka pati siya hinahanap na din.

"Never! I'll never make a single step"

"So paano tayo uuwi?"

Suddenly, isang kotse ang papalapit sa amin, mabuti nalang yung isang batchmate namin nakita kami at ihinatid na pauwi.

I got home very tired, I didn't even wash and remove my shoes, I slept doon living room, sa couch.

I slept at 4:30 AM, it was not the event that made me exhausted but the truth. The truth that Chris and I will never be together, he's already taken.

Sabi nga kanta ng I belong to the zoo "Sana sinabi mo, para dina umasang may tayo pa sa huli, sana sinabi mo, hahayaan naman kitang umalis"

Sana nalaman ko ng mas maaga, sa gabing iyon, umasa akong ayun na yung chance, doon na masasagot lahat ng question marks.

My phone rang loudly, dahil super puyat pati alarm hindi na napansin, trice na palang nagring yung phone ko, the fourth time, I woke up, it's 8:00 in the morning.

As I go up from the bed, biglang nag ring ulit yung phone ko, it was a call from Darlene

I answered with a very low voice, as in sumasakit yung ulo ko sa sobrang pagod at puyat.