I fucking hate you. [a letter to an abusive parent]

I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you.

You stole my childhood. You expected the worst and demanded nothing but the best. You are selfish. You are unkind. You are the definition of everything I never want to be.

You are a truly vile human being with no regard for others. And what does that get me in return? A long line of irreversible mental diagnosis and self hatred. I never understood why you despised me the way you do? Was the perfect grades not enough? Was the day I finally stood up to your hate filled words an awakening or just another obstacle to your love.

You speak of all the things you have done for me yet you fail to mention what you have done to me. You expect gratefulness for bare necessities and most of the time below is what I received. I remember most of my childhood but not the parts you would expect. Never just the trip, but the damage you have claimed we caused. I remember all the hurtful words you spewed out like lava. I remember all the lashes and beatings I did not feel were deserved. I remember over hearing your many conversations with anyone who would listen about how I am such a disappointment and how I will never amount to anything.

22 long years later of your abuse and neglect and I still sit on the opposing side. I thought mothers were meant to uplift and encourage not beat down and verbally assault every flaw.

I am now in one of the most challenging times of my life, going through what no man ever thought possible and I still receive criticism. It is never about what I have accomplished it is about what I have yet to and never will. It is about tangible items. It is about how you think you buy my love. It is about what you have and what I don't.

And to all of that I say fuck you. Fuck your standards that you still haven't reached yourself. Fuck you for making me hate myself because you feel the same. Fuck you for ever lying to me. Fuck you for controlling me. Fuck you for passing down your hate. Fuck you for making me the way I am and blaming it on everyone and everything but yourself.

I hate the cold dead look in your eyes. I hate the way you look through me. I hate the way you don't listen. I hate you for never being there when I needed you. I hate the way you walk. I hate the way you talk. I hate every word you say. I hate every look you make. I hate who you have made me. I hate that I was never enough for you. I hate when you compare me to others. I hate when you speak of yourself like you are higher than. I hate how foul and cruel you are. I hate the way you make others feel.

I fucking hate you.

XXX- the daughter you wished you never had