Twilight - The Book

12. BALANCING

"BILLY!" CHARLIE CALLED AS SOON AS HE GOT OUT OF THE CAR.
I turned toward the house, beckoning to Jacob as I ducked under the porch. I heard Charlie greeting them loudly behind me.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jake," he said disapprovingly.
"We get permits early on the rez," Jacob said while I unlocked the door and flicked on the porch light.
"Sure you do," Charlie laughed.
"I have to get around somehow." I recognized Billy's resonant voice easily, despite the years. The sound of it made me feel suddenly younger, a child.
I went inside, leaving the door open behind me and turning on lights before I hung up my jacket. Then I stood in the door, watching anxiously as Charlie and Jacob helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair. I backed out of the way as the three of them hurried in, shaking off the rain.
"This is a surprise," Charlie was saying.
"It's been too long," Billy answered. "I hope it's not a bad time." His dark eyes flashed up to me again, their expression unreadable.
"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game."
Jacob grinned. "I think that's the plan - our TV broke last
week."
Billy made a face at his son. "And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella again," he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge of remorse. Maybe I'd been too convincing on the beach.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, turning toward the kitchen. I was eager to escape Billy's searching gaze.
"Naw, we ate just before we came," Jacob answered.
"How about you, Charlie?" I called over my shoulder as I fled around the corner.
"Sure," he replied, his voice moving in the direction of the front room and the TV. I could hear Billy's chair follow.
The grilled cheese sandwiches were in the frying pan and I was slicing up a tomato when I sensed someone behind me.
"So, how are things?"
Jacob asked.
"Pretty good." I smiled. His enthusiasm was hard to resist.
"How about you? Did you finish your car?"
"No." He frowned. "I still need parts. We borrowed that one.
He pointed with his thumb in the direction of the front yard.
"Sorry. I haven't seen any ... what was it you were looking for?"
"Master cylinder." He grinned. "Is something wrong with the truck?" he added suddenly.
"No."
"Oh. I just wondered because you weren't driving it." I stared down at the pan, pulling up the edge of a sandwich to check the bottom side. "I got a ride with a friend."
"Nice ride." Jacob's voice was admiring. "I didn't recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids around
here."
I nodded noncommittally, keeping my eyes down as I flipped sandwiches.
"My dad seemed to know him from somewhere."
"Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They're in the cupboard over the sink."
"Sure."
He got the plates in silence. I hoped he would let it drop now.
"So who was it?" he asked, setting two plates on the counter
next to me.
I sighed in defeat. "Edward Cullen."
To my surprise, he laughed. I glanced up at him. He looked a little embarrassed.
"Guess that explains it, then," he said. "I wondered why my dad was acting so strange."
"That's right." I faked an innocent expression. "He doesn't like the Cullens."
"Superstitious old man," Jacob muttered under his breath.
"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?" I couldn't help asking, the words coming out in a low rush.
Jacob stared at me for a moment, and I couldn't read the expression in his dark eyes. "I doubt it," he finally answered. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since - tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."
"Oh," I said, trying to sound indifferent.
I stayed in the front room after I carried the food out to Charlie, pretending to watch the game while Jacob chattered at me. I was really listening to the men's conversation, watching for any sign that Billy was about to rat me out, trying to think of ways to stop him if he began.
It was a long night. I had a lot of homework that was going undone, but I was afraid to leave Billy alone with Charlie. Finally, the game ended.
"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?»
Jacob asked as he pushed his father over the lip of the threshold.
"I'm not sure," I hedged.
"That was fun, Charlie," Billy said.
"Come up for the next game," Charlie encouraged.
"Sure, sure," Billy said. "We'll be here. Have a good night." His eyes shifted to mine, and his smile disappeared. "You take care, Bella," he added seriously.
"Thanks," I muttered, looking away.
I headed for the stairs while Charlie waved from the doorway.
"Wait, Bella," he said.
I cringed. Had Billy gotten something in before I'd joined them in the living room?
But Charlie was relaxed, still grinning from the unexpected Visit.
"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?"
"Good." I hesitated with one foot on the first stair, searching for details I could safely share.
"My badminton team won all
four games."
"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton."
"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good," I
admitted.
"Who is it?" he asked with token interest.
"Um ... Mike Newton," I told him reluctantly. "Oh yeah - you said you were friends with the Newton kid."
He perked up. "Nice family." He mused for a minute. "Why didn't you ask him to the dance this weekend?"
"Dad!" I groaned. "He's kind of dating my friend Jessica.
Besides, you know I can't dance."
"Oh yeah," he muttered. Then he smiled at me apologetically.
"So I guess it's good you'll be gone Saturday ... I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I leave you here alone too much."
"Dad, you're doing a great job." I smiled, hoping my relief didn't show. "I've never minded being alone - I'm too much like you." I winked at him, and he smiled his crinkly-eyed smile.
I slept better that night, too tired to dream again. When I woke to the pearl gray morning, my mood was blissful. The tense evening with Billy and Jacob seemed harmless enough now; I decided to forget it completely. I caught myself whistling while I was pulling the front part of my hair back into a barrette, and later again as I skipped down the stairs. Charlie noticed.
"You're cheerful this morning," he commented over break-
fast.
I shrugged. "It's Friday."
I hurried so I would be ready to go the second Charlie left. I had my bag ready, shoes on, teeth brushed, but even though I rushed to the door as soon as I was sure Charlie would be out of sight, Edward was faster. He was waiting in his shiny car, windows down, engine off.
I didn't hesitate this time, climbing in the passenger side quickly, the sooner to see his face. He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about him that could be improved upon.
"How did you sleep?" he asked. I wondered if he had any idea how appealing his voice was.
"Fine. How was your night?"
«pleasant." His smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an
inside joke.
"Can I ask what you did?" I asked.
"No." He grinned. "Today is still mine."
He wanted to know about people today: more about Renée, her hobbies, what we'd done in our free time together. And then the one grandmother I'd known, my few school friends - embarrassing me when he asked about boys I'd dated. I was relieved that I'd never really dated anyone, so that particular conversation couldn't last long. He seemed as surprised as Jessica and Angela by my lack of romantic history.
"So you never met anyone you wanted?" he asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what he was thinking about.
I was grudgingly honest. "Not in Phoenix." His lips pressed together into a hard line.
We were in the cafeteria at this point. The day had sped by in the blur that was rapidly becoming routine. I took advantage of his brief pause to take a bite of my bagel.
"I should have let you drive yourself today," he announced, apropos of nothing, while I chewed.
"Why?" I demanded.
"Im leaving with Alice after lunch."
"Oh." I blinked, bewildered and disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."
He frowned at me impatiently. "Im not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you.""I don't have my key with me," I sighed. "I really don't mind walking." What I minded was losing my time with him.
He shook his head. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition - unless you're afraid someone might steal it." He laughed at the thought.
"All right," I agreed, pursing my lips. I was pretty sure my key was in the pocket of a pair of jeans I wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room. Even if he broke into my house, or whatever he was planning, he'd never find it. He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. He smirked, overconfident.
"So where are you going?" I asked as casually as I could manage.
"Hunting," he answered grimly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can."
His face grew morose . .. and pleading.
"You can always cancel,
you know."
I looked down, afraid of the persuasive power of his eyes. I refused to be convinced to fear him, no matter how real the danger might be. It doesn't matter, I repeated in my head.
"No," I whispered, glancing back at his face. "I can't."
"Perhaps you're right,
" he murmured bleakly. His eyes seemed
to darken in color as I watched.
I changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, already depressed by the thought of him leaving now.
"That depends .., it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" he offered.
"No," I answered too fast. He restrained a smile.
"The same time as usual, then," he decided. "Will Charlie be there?"
"No, he's fishing tomorrow." I beamed at the memory of how conveniently things had worked out.
His voice turned sharp. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" "have no idea," I answered coolly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."  He scowled at me and I scowled back. His anger was much
more impressive than mine.
«What are you hunting tonight?" I asked when I was sure I had lost the glowering contest.
"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." He seemed bemused by my casual reference to his secret realities.
"Why are you going with Alice?" I wondered.
"Alice is the most ... supportive." He frowned as he spoke.
"And the others?" I asked timidly. "What are they?"
His brow puckered for a brief moment. "Incredulous, for the
most part."
I pecked quickly behind me at his family. They sat staring off in different directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them. Only now they were four; their beautiful, bronze-haired brother sat across from me, his golden eyes troubled.
"They don't like me," I guessed.
"That's not it," he disagreed, but his eyes were too innocent.
"They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."
I grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter." Edward shook his head slowly, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling before he met my gaze again. "I told you - you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known.
You fascinate me."
I glared at him, sure he was teasing now.
He smiled as he deciphered my expression. "Having the advan- tages I do," he murmured, touching his forehead discreetly, " have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you ... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."
I looked away, my eyes wandering back to his family, embarrassed and dissatisfied. His words made me feel like a science experiment. I wanted to laugh at myself for expecting anything else.
"That part is easy enough to explain," he continued. I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes. "But there's more... and it's not so easy to put into words -
I was still staring at the Cullens while he spoke. Suddenly Rosalie, his blond and breathtaking sister, turned to look at me.
No, not to look - to glare, with dark, cold eyes. I wanted to look away, but her gaze held me until Edward broke off mid- sentence and made an angry noise under his breath. It was almost a hiss.
Rosalie turned her head, and I was relieved to be free. I looked back at Edward - and I knew he could see the confusion and fear that widened my eyes.
His face was tight as he explained. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see . . . it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly . . ." He looked down.
"If?"
"If this ends... badly." He dropped his head into his hands, as he had that night in Port Angeles. His anguish was plain; I yearned to comfort him, but I was at a loss to know how. My hand reached toward him involuntarily; quickly, though, I dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse. I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.
And frustration - frustration that Rosalie had interrupted whatever he was about to say. I didn't know how to bring it up again. He still had his head in his hands. I tried to speak in a normal voice. "And you have to leave now?"
"Yes." He raised his face; it was serious for a moment, and then his mood shifted and he smiled. "It's probably for the best.
We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology - I don't think I could take any more."
I started. Alice - her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her exquisite, elfin face - was suddenly standing behind his shoulder. Her slight frame was willowy, graceful even in absolute stillness. He greeted her without looking away from me. "Alice."
"Edward," she answered, her high soprano voice almost as attractive as his.
"Alice, Bella - Bella, Alice," he introduced us, gesturing casually with his hand, a wry smile on his face.
"Hello, Bella." Her brilliant obsidian eyes were unreadable, but her smile was friendly. "It's nice to finally meet you." Edward flashed a dark look at her.
"Hi, Alice," I murmured shyly.
"Are you ready?" she asked him.
His voice was aloof. "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car." She left without another word; her walk was so fluid, so
sinuous that I felt a sharp pang of jealousy.
"Should I say 'have fun, or is that the wrong sentiment?" I asked, turning back to him.
"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." He grinned.
"Have fun, then." I worked to sound wholehearted. Of course I didn't fool him.
'I'll try." He still grinned. "And you try to be safe, please."
"Safe in Forks - what a challenge".
"For you it is a challenge." His jaw hardened. "Promise."
"I promise to try to be safe," I recited.
"T'll do the laundry tonight that ought to be fraught with peril."
"Don't fall in," he mocked.
"I'll do my best."
He stood then, and I rose, too.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed.
"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" he mused.
I nodded glumly.
"T'll be there in the morning,"
"he promised, smiling his crooked
smile. He reached across the table to touch my face, lightly brushing along my cheek bone again. Then he turned and walked away. I stared after him until he was gone.
I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if I disap- peared now, Mike and others would assume I was with Edward.
And Edward was worried about the time we'd spent together publicly ... if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for him.
I intuitively knew - and sensed he did, too - that tomorrow would be pivotal. Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts.
My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was an impossibility.
I went to class, feeling dutiful. I couldn't honestly say what happened in Biology; my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of tomorrow. In Gym, Mike was speaking to me again; he wished me a good time in Seattle. I carefully explained that I'd canceled my trip, worried about my truck.
"Are you going to the dance with Cullen?" he asked, suddenly sulky.
"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."