must have been a deadly kiss, only love can hurt like this // hyunlix

2020 pt3

- Fourteenth day of quarantine-

The rest of the quarantine was better than I thought. I didn't need to take cold showers or take care of something unwanted.

Felix and I haven't separated for a second in the last few days, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Today is the last day of quarantine and I am relieved. I never thought I'd miss being with the other members so much.

I confess that I will miss being with Felix and only him. I would have liked to have come to his room since the beginning of the quarantine.

"What are you thinking?" Felix said looking at me.

It was probably about 4 or 5PM and we were both in bed, which is strange because of the time.

What was stranger is that we were doing nothing, literally. We weren' with our cell phones, or watching a movie or even talking.

We were simply in a single bed looking face to face at each other without daring to say a word.

We were staring at each other for a few minutes and I actually don't know why. It should be embarrassing to stare at someone and not say anything.

But it's not embarrassing when it comes to him.

"I didn't want this to end anytime soon," I vaguely answered his question.

"What do you mean by 'this'?" He replied.

"Us" I confessed before I even thought about the weight of the words "Only both of us"

I've always heard people saying how hard it is to say stuff of this kind to the people you love, but it's not for me.

It's so natural to say these things to Felix. I don't even get flustered when I say these things to him anymore.

"Do you like it when it's only the two of us?" Said Felix with a tone that is rare.

It's a tone that he's not flirting, but he's also flirting.

It's confusing.

"Don't you?" I just said no matter thinking about a better answer or some kind of flirtation.

"More than anything," Felix said soon after.

And he's back with his usual tone.

"Are you going to miss it?" I asked.

"Why do you say it in a way like we won't see each other every day?" Felix said chuckling.

"I don't know," I said, "I just don't think we're going to have some time like this again"

"Jinnie" Felix just said.

"Hmm?" I murmured.

"Why do you want it to be just the two of us?" Felix asked curiously.

There it is. A chance. I could use it and confess my love for him. But this is just one more chance that I'm going to throw away.

Sometimes I feel like maybe it's better to throw everything away and confess to him and end all this suffering, but I would be being very selfish.

"I don't know, I think I like to see your pretty face more than I thought" I said jokingly.

It wasn't a complete joke though.

Felix just smiled at that, he knew I wasn't answering his question.

"Yeah, right" he said a little disappointed with the answer and for the first time diverting his gaze from my eyes.