With all the stress and tension of the last two days, my body had enough. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep and there wasn't anything in the world that could awaken me. I didn't wake up early like I had the previous morning, nor did I get up when my alarm went off which is why when I woke up at almost six in the morning. I had leaped out of bed in a sleepy haze and quickly fed the cats and loved them all. I then put my pup out for a potty break and then went right back to sleep. With no specific plans for the day, I was relaxed enough to sleep as much as my body needed and boy was I happy about that. My body felt heavy and sluggish. Every movement felt like it had a hundred pounds attached to it and my hands tingled every time my arms were shifted. My head alone felt like I was walking in a foggy forest with no real clear thoughts or understanding or even awareness of my surroundings. I continued to zone in and out of consciousness the entire morning and when my head cleared and I no longer was dizzy or sluggish, I realized I somehow moved to the couch with my dog.
I hate that about myself. I hate the fact that when I'm so exhausted or have so much pain, I become unaware of my actions or words. I call it my drunk tired and my angry tired because they affect my memory the most. When I'm drunk tired, I act like a complete child or so I have been told. My actions are never remembered and conversations are completely erased from my mind. It's quite frustrating to be quite honest and its also scary. My angry tiredness is almost like my drunk tired with the exception that my anger is uncontrollable and my actions are often loud and sometimes very violent. This type of tired hasn't occurred since I left my adopted home but I fear it constantly. All of this is why when I realized I was not in my room, I became quite angry and irritable with myself.
The rest of my day passed by without a hitch. I watched tv most of the day and napped in and out as well. It wasn't until dinner time that things started to happen.
My bestie phoned me to ask if she could use my address in order to get a few things because she lives in an apartment complex (it is a pain to deal with packages in an apartment complex and she didn't have anywhere else to send it). Of course, I said yes and then I panicked. I realized I hadn't pulled the meat from the freezer to make my dinner and the only protein in the fridge was eggs. I hate eggs. I literally ate eggs every single day for almost six years because my adoptive mother hated meat and refused to buy other groceries. She believes in beans, cheese, and eggs as sources of protein but sadly for me, my body hated beans and dairy so eggs were my only option. I really didn't want to make eggs....uggghhhhh egggggssss. But then my bestie commented that I could make french toast. I swear she had a halo over her head at that moment. Well, until I remembered I didn't have milk and began panicking again. Of course being my bestie, she reminded me that I didn't need milk to make french toast. She was right and so my journey began.
I threw together the ingredients for french toast without looking at a recipe for the first time in my life. It was then that I realized I needed more than just french toast for dinner so I started cooking some potato slices and fried a couple of eggs. The result was absolutely delicious and I was extremely proud of myself for making myself eat. My original plan before my bestie chimed in was to just eat a bowl of fruit but I am so glad that I made a real meal.
But then the real trouble began. Kate was driving me up a wall. Every time I turned around she was getting into the cat food or running in front of me as I tried to walk. My irritation was put to the max when she peed on the carpet in the living room after just having had a potty break. To make matters worse, she wasn't the only one driving me insane. The kittens were just as bad. They were literally everywhere! On the stove, in the sink, under my feet. I wanted to tear my hair out of my head so badly at that point it was insane. Luckily, my biological mother called me at six and helped me fuel that frustration out just a little bit and motivated me just enough to actually start cleaning. I cleaned my bathroom, the kitchen and even did laundry all while on the phone with her. Ugghhh and then the pain in my side (its a specific pain that indicates I still have a kidney stone) started up again making it extremely painful to move.
Nevertheless, I played with Kate, fed the cats again and am finally ready to return to slumber and start tomorrow anew.
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The Things That Cross My Mind
LosoweA daily blog exploring the mind of a nerdy weirdo going through life.